POZ Community Forums
Main Forums => Living With HIV => Topic started by: purplerain on June 26, 2006, 04:40:39 am
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Just found out 5 days ago that I am +..Had a rapid test took 10 miinutes 2 change my life and that it did. I feel stupid posting this since I don't have anything 2 say other then I am scared I am scared I AM SCARED.
I'm scared of finding out my viral load im scared of germs I am scared of sex I am even scared in some ways 2 masterbate. I'm all of a sudden washing my hands 50 times a day and cleaning everything I can reach with a rag. I'm freaking out because I drink waaaaayyyyyyyy 2 much and smoke even more so im trying 2 give myself a week 2 quit both...
HOW????????
I'm giving myself a month 2 start eating right and exercising
HOW????????
I don't mean 2 bitch and complain so I am sorry but at 2:30 in the morning 5 days into this and sitting here alone this is the only outlet I have.......
THANKS 4 LISTENING/READING
JAG
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Geeeeez, Jag,
Go easy on yourself. Damn, you gotta make it through this night, before you can do all these things you have promised yourself.
My suggestion is take a deep breath, hold it, now let it out slowly. I mean it dude, do this now, right now.
Now, let's see. First off, you need to read the lessons right here on this site, learn everything you can about this disease, and try to let it sink in. Then, read about the people here in the Blogs, and mine would be one place to start, but read them all, and learn how some of us HIV Dinosaurs have been dealing with HIV for the better part of 20+ years. Then have a smoke, drink or anything else that will help you calm down a bit. You have loads of time to make life changes, but today and this week and month, are not that time. You have just started down the new path for your life, and from what I see, it aint all that bad.
Welcome to this Site, and these forums, and I wish you peace with this new change in your life path. Walk calmly and peacefully, and learn all you can about this disease, as survival is often times connected very closely with knowledge about what this disease can and cannot do to you.
You will be fine, so just stay here and keep communicating over the next week or two and you will find a host of people that will be glad to help you and guide you through this very strange time in your life.
In Love and Support.
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Hello Jag,
Welcome to these forums, and a new way of living Life, it’s still here, it can still be as much fun as it always has been, it’s just different?
Moffie has given you some good advice, please listen to him and the other long timers, as Knowledge of this bug, is the key to surviving this bug.
I wish you well and the strength to come to terms with it. Ask what you will, there is always some one listening and willing to help here.
John(UK)
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Hi Jag
Welcome to the family.
I agree with Moffie, you need to slow down a bit..what you need is time, time to think about your situation, don't rush things, what you are going through is a normal reaction to your diagnosis, and stress, although natural, can cause physical symptoms..something you don't need right now.
HIV will bring on anxieties and one of the best ways to handle this is through information (the lessons here will help you) learn as much as you can, all decisions relating to your life will be made by you from now on, so if your are unclear about anything talk and work with your ID Doctor, and of course you can always come here for advise.
Ideally, you need to get to a place where you can gain some peace or at least co-existence with HIV..that will come in time and believe me it is possible.
Personally I view HIV as part of my life and not something that defines it...but we all learn to deal with this differently, what works for one doesn't always work for another, in time you will find your own way of dealing with this.
Hugs
Jan :)
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Hello Jag,
Welcome ! I am sorry you had to join us, but that fact that you found us, means somethiing. Receiving a positive diagnosis is a very tough thing to deal with. And those words are very mild... A big part of dealing with HIV, is to be able to be open and discuss it. It's not good to bottle things up. I speak from experience, as I bottled things up for the first few years, after I was diagnosed positive in 1985. As Tim, has said, you need to slow a down a notch or two. My emotions ran wild for about the first year, and in order to help keep myself subdued, I drank myself to sleep every night. Which is also not a smart thing to do, but that is how I reacted. Emotions will run wild, but eventually wiill settle down .
Take your time, take a deep breath and try to relax. If you haven't already, I suggest that you read the lessons, on this site. Once again, no rush... Take your time. If you have questions, and I know that you will have many, ask away !!
Click below, to get started :
http://www.aidsmeds.com/lessons/StartHere2.htm
Stay in touch ---------Ray
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Hi Jag,
Welcome!
You've come to the right place.
Being brand new to this news, just take a breath. And another one. Good deep ones. And do that whenever you find yourself feeling overwhelmed or tense. Gradually you're going to learn everything you need to about taking care of your health. There will be some different things in your life. And your life can and will still be good.
So take some time -- as much as you need -- to get used to this new element in your life. If you haven't already read it, please read the lesson on disclosure. There should be some useful information there for you.
You're always welcome here to ask questions or to discuss anything that's on your mind.
Cheers,
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Hey JAG,
You've had great advice. I would only add that you should look for a qualified doctor ASAP. When you find one, he/she will undoubtedly do a follow up Western Blot test to verify the quick test results.
Having a medical professional in your corner is very important. He/she can help alleviate some of your fears and monitor your health.
So, my advice, for what its worth, is to find a doctor right away. If there is an AIDS Service Organization in your area, they may have a lists of doctors ready for those in need. To find an ASO, go to the POZ Magazine home page and look for the link that will help you find one in your area.
Hang in there. Take several deep breaths and remember you are not in this alone.
HUGS,
Mark
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Jag, sorry about your diagnosis.. Its going to be ok.. Taking care of yourself is great physically. But that can come a bit down the road. Given the stress you are under, dont change anything right now. Just go about business. By all means eat better.. But has far as quit smoking bla bla bla... You have a long time to work on that. Thats a big one which will stress you out more than HIV. Let HIV siink in.. Baby Steps sweetie.. Do what makes you comfortable in your diagnosis for now. As many other great and experienced people have said. Be easy on your mental aspects of this diagnosis. It will and could be your biggest little hill you have to climb.. Dont tackle your whole life in a day. You have some time to sort these things out. You are on the right track on many aspects. Get a HIV DOC, one that you can trust and be a patient, a friend and someone you implecitly trust. Then down the road, you both get to play a very active roll in your health and all the things that come along down the road. Let him/her be your guide in these new uncharted waters. Be calm in knowing things will open up to you amd ideas and aspects of this will become second nature.. But not for awhile honey...
Love ;D
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Jag
Welcome to the forums. Everyone here is great. You will get alot of support and you will learn alot from these people.
You have been given alot of good advice. Take it easy and take alot of deep breaths. Your life isnt ending..just changing. We will always be here for you so you are never alone!
Hugs
Teresa
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Hi JAG,
Welcome to our family! Sorry to hear of your diagnosis, but you've come to the right place! Slow down, and breathe.....you're going to be o.k. You have a lot to learn, but there is no rush, just take your time.
Hugs,
Alan
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Hi Jag,
Sorry about your diagnosis -- I was in your place last Aug, really scared, freaking out and sure life was over. I think that Moffie really gave you the key piece of advice for your current state -- BREATHE. Whenever you feel that panic rising, stop, close your eyes and take a deep breathe, nice and slow (heck -- take 2 or 3). This bit of advice helped me stay sane enough to do what I needed to do. Get a good Infectious Disease doc, research on the web (keep your own comfort to how much knowledge is helpful, in mind -- I like tons, others prefer little by little) and I found a counselor who specialized in HIV -- he was my initial saviour - talking about my fears was so therapeutic.
Remember, the sun will still rise and with the right folks in your corner and (forgive me) a positive attitude, you'll be amazed how you can deal.
Mike
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Jag,
5 days in and you already came here. You're much smarter than me. I'm sorry for your bad news, but there's alot of people here ready to help you. Welcome to the family.
I'll 2nd all the info above and also 2nd the emphasis on just taking a deep breath, and giving yourself space. And really I just want to give you a big hug because your post reminds me so much of what I was going through 11 months ago. ((((JAG)))))
I'll also commend you on your username. Man I love that song!
much love,
brian
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I just wanted 2 drop a quick note and say THANK U 2 all of those who responded... Your words of encouragement, and advice means a lot 2 me. It helps 2 know that I have someplace 2 come for support.
THANKS AGAIN
JAG
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...after 15 yrs with the condition I know how hard is to accept it at the beginning...ups and downs...the important fact is you still alive and with the new therapies you would have a very long life...