On September 2020, I traveled to another city to see an online friend that eventually become my boyfriend. It was also the first time I was in a committed relationship. We managed to live together for 1 year and few months, until one day he cheated on me.
I went back to my hometown, and in December 2021, I got sick. It was flu-like symptom, with endless fatigue. I thought it was covid, but after testing it twice, the results were all negative. Thanks to my doctor, he suggested me to do a blood checkup, and from that test, I learned that I'm HIV positive.
Ever since then, my life has never been the same. Let alone the fact that I have to suffer from this virus, the heartbreak from being cheated itself was really unbearable. I spent nights crying over this and until today, not even my family knows that this is happening to me.
Just this month, I opened up myself for relationships, and I met a guy who share mutual feeling with me. He loved me, and it helped me recover from all the heartbreak and sadness from the past. For once, I thought that I finally can love and deserve to be loved again, but just after I told him I have HIV with me, he's stepping back. I have discussed how the virus is manageable and it's still possible to have a happy relationship with this, but he chose to end the relationship anyway, and cancel all the plans. He was too scared.
I don't blame him though. He is still young and I don't want to risk himself anyway because he is just too precious. However, still, it is very sad for me to realize that likely nobody would ever love someone who is broken and incomplete like me. By the time I'm writing this, I've been crying all day all night, hoping that one day I can be happy again.
As I'm seeking for help, today I learned that there are such forums and communities like this website, and I'm very thankful for this. I really hope I can stay connected with you guys here and build meaningful friendship together. I don't mind sharing my WhatsApp number or social media so we can connect. In fact, I could really use some friends because not even my family knows what I'm going through.
Thank you, guys. Much love, Julio.
Jim Allen:
Hi Julio,
Sorry to hear of your diagnosis. How are you doing treatment wise, and what are your recent lab results?
--- Quote ---I met a guy who share mutual feeling with me. He loved me, and it helped me recover from all the heartbreak and sadness from the past. For once, I thought that I finally can love and deserve to be loved again, but just after I told him I have HIV with me, he's stepping back. I have discussed how the virus is manageable and it's still possible to have a happy relationship with this, but he chose to end the relationship anyway, and cancel all the plans. He was too scared. --- End quote ---
Plenty of more fish in the sea, as they say.
In my own humble experience, this is the reason I share my HIV status early on when dating. It means it's out of the way, and I don't waste my time on someone who cannot cope with the fact I have a manageable medical condition.
Some people cannot cope with someone having a manageable condition, be it HIV or other conditions.
Now, I've had a few polite "No thank you's" over the years, and that's okay.
--- Quote ---I don't blame him though. He is still young and I don't want to risk himself --- End quote ---
Why would he be at risk?
My first question is: Are you treating HIV, and what are your lab results?
If you are taking ART and continue as prescribed and have achieved a viral load below 200 copies for at least six months, you can't sexually pass on HIV. https://forums.poz.com/index.php?topic=71848.0
Are you aware of this? Was he aware of this?
--- Quote ---I don't mind sharing my WhatsApp number or social media so we can connect. --- End quote ---
I would not recommend that, or at least don't at first. At least get to know people first and use the private messaging options on the forum. Sharing details has ended in tears more than a few times.
--- Quote ---I really hope I can stay connected with you guys here and build meaningful friendship together. --- End quote ---
I have acquired a good few friendships through the forums over the years.
Anyhow, sorry to hear about the diagnosis but welcome to the forum and keep in mind you are no longer alone ;)
Best, Jim.
juliofromid:
--- Quote ---How are you doing treatment wise, and what are your recent lab results? --- End quote ---
I've started consuming TLD right as soon as I learned that I'm positive. It's my 5th months, and so far, I don't feel any side-effect.
I can only do the viral load test on November because I have to wait for the government program. I can surely take the test outside the program, but then I'll have to pay and it's really expensive here.
--- Quote ---If you are taking ART and continue as prescribed and have achieved a viral load below 200 copies for at least six months, you can't sexually pass on HIV. https://forums.poz.com/index.php?topic=71848.0
Are you aware of this? Was he aware of this? --- End quote ---
Yes, I am aware of this and I tried to educate him as well. However, the stigma in Indonesia is really strong (even sometimes I would still unconsciously think within the stigma), so even if he knew that he won't be at risk, he's still too scared.
--- Quote ---Anyhow, sorry to hear about the diagnosis but welcome to the forum and keep in mind you are no longer alone --- End quote ---
Thanks a lot, Jim. It means a lot to me.
Jim Allen:
--- Quote ---Yes, I am aware of this --- End quote ---
Okay, well, glad to hear that you are aware of it and have been able to start treatment.
Shame that he was scared, but as I said, some people don't deal well with manageable conditions, and I think it's better to find out sooner before investing too much time or feelings into them.
Tguid13:
Hey there, I was also cheated on by my long-term boyfriend and acquired HIV. Feel free to message me for support!