CHRONIC FATIGUE or SERIOUS DEPRESSION?

[UK_SL]

I am worried that I'm slipping into a state of serious depression, since I was diagnosed in October I haven't been back to work. In this period that I've been off I've had swine flu that turned into a chest infection. I've damaged some nerves in my left shoulder and am now on strong painkillers.

All my clinic keep saying to me is that "naturally" I am suffering from fatigue because in such a short period you had the shock of finding out your status and how developed your HIV was, which led to having to start medication straight away. On top of this I'd been ill with flu and a frozen shoulder.

I'm thinking that it is more than just fatigue - I can't motivate myself to do anything. I haven't left my house apart from going to the clinic in 3 months - the one time I did go out into town I had a panic attack being surrounded by people. I'm paranoid that until I get my CD4 up past 200 that I can't be around people. I'm becoming a hermet.

I can't even motivate myself to do simple things like shave, wash, clean my teeth etc..., everynight I lie in bed thinking tomorrow I'll sort myself out. Do some housework, go for a walk etc.

My latest doctors note runs out in 2 weeks and I scared of returning back to work, I just don't think I'm ready but I feel If I leave it any longer it's just gonna be harder to return to normal life?































 

[BT65]

I strongly recommend you get some mental health help right away.  It's alright to lay around for a few days doing nothing, but when it becomes a habit like you've described, it needs attention, and soon.  Maybe your doctor could recommend a good psychiatrist, and therapist. 

[Jeff G]

It sure sounds like you have allot to deal with at the moment . I have been poz a long time and when I'm sick or hurt I don't feel much like confronting the world my self .

I would urge you to talk to your health care providers as soon as you can about this . Maybe they have a counselor or a support group they can hook you up with . I realize any advice I could possibly give at the moment would be of little comfort . It sure couldn't hurt to try and get up and shave that face and take a shower then take that walk . Sometimes just going through the motions can be the first step getting back on your feet . Please let us know how you are doing .    

[skeebo1969]

  I've been seeing a lot of your post and can tell this is all weighing heavily on you, which is quite understandable.  You kind of remind me of what I went through in the beginning.  I was constantly checking my body over for marks, bruises, etc., fully expecting something sinister to appear which would result in instant death.  Knee pain had to be caused from something sinister like hep C...  not the torn meniscus which it turned out to really be.  There was other stuff too, it was just so much I can't remember.

   One thing I did see you mention was your constant urinating and being worried about becoming diabetic.  When I first started meds my Cd4's were 119 and Vl was pretty high, I did experience quite a bit of fatigue during that time and was also taking Bactrim.  I mention this because I noticed you are on Septra.  I know both are used to prevent the same things I just wonder if they cause the same side effects.  I did not handle bactrim well and I was using the bathroom over twenty times a day.....  I use to urinate and it would feel like crystals flowing through my urethra...  crap hurt like hell!  Of course I though that might be Gonorrhea, and not something simple like my body adjusting to all this toxic medicine I was taking...lol Of course I never really handled the bactrim all that well and I suffered with the constant urinating til the day I stopped.

   So back to the fatigue, which of course led me to staying home a lot.  Could not really motivate myself to do anything, other than slumbering on the couch and thinking about this impending doom I was about to face...  I was in full blown depression and really having a hard time fully admitting it to myself.  IMO I think it's all tied together, fatigue and depression that is, and while most experts say depression causes fatigue it's not really ever mentioned how fatigue causes depression..  I'm sure most if not all can relate here.

    I would seriously consider talking to someone, whether it's in a group or therapeutical setting is up to you.  You could even do what I did and talk to a few of your fellow pozzies from the forums.  

    

I'm thinking that it is more than just fatigue - I can't motivate myself to do anything. I haven't left my house apart from going to the clinic in 3 months - the one time I did go out into town I had a panic attack being surrounded by people. I'm paranoid that until I get my CD4 up past 200 that I can't be around people. I'm becoming a hermet.

I can't even motivate myself to do simple things like shave, wash, clean my teeth etc..., everynight I lie in bed thinking tomorrow I'll sort myself out. Do some housework, go for a walk etc.

My latest doctors note runs out in 2 weeks and I scared of returning back to work, I just don't think I'm ready but I feel If I leave it any longer it's just gonna be harder to return to normal life?

  Yea man, you definitely need to get on the ball before that doctor note runs out...  I would really seek out someone to talk to...  also pain medication always had a tendency of putting me in a funk when I took them, so be careful with that.

  It will get better man trust me, however it is going to take a little effort on your part and the good thing is you already know that.  

  Probably the thing I hated most when I was first diagnosed was not being able to roll over in bed and drift soundlessly back to sleep.  Nope it was instant mind racing thoughts about HIV.

  

[Miss Philicia]

I can't even motivate myself to do simple things like shave, wash, clean my teeth etc..., everynight I lie in bed thinking tomorrow I'll sort myself out. Do some housework, go for a walk etc.

Yeah, that's most definitely depression.  That's all you need to describe to a shrink for a diagnosis.  Trust me sweetheart, I've been there.

I'll add that anti-depressants are good for most people, but it's only a band aid. Stick with seeing a therapist regularly too, and if there's a local support group think of adding that to your routine in a few months.

[mecch]

You need to get some therapy and an anti-depressant.  You can't self diagnose Chronic Fatique, it's quite technical.  You should tell ALL your doctors whats happening and tell them your short term goal is to get back to work and taking care of yourself minimally, and they need to step in to help you achieve that.
Good luck.
Really, don't hesitate - you need to tell ALL your doctors what is happening.

[webontheweb]

see my thread on "feeling dumb and dumber.. .. .. ..  I went through that too and after all the medical testing, my theraposts correctly diagnosed depression and I am now on meds which turned my life around the NEXT DAY!  I have energy and can concentrate and life is very good!

You are going to be okay.  Follow eryones advice and talk to your health care providers.
Best of luck to you.

Cheers from one who has been there

[UK_SL]

I'd like to take this opportunity to say thankyou to everyone on here  for all your good advice and support - it's been a real help knowing that I'm not the only one who has / still is going through all this. I've made an appointment for tomorrow to see my doctor to get some further help.

Thank you again!

[buffaloboy]

I'm not a doctor but what you describe does sound like depression to me. I've had phases of finding it extremely difficult to do much, like getting out of bed and washing, clothing and feeding myself.

If you have a low CD4 count then that will have an impact on your energy levels as your body is basically working overtime constantly just to try to function normally.

I'm just wondering if you can be signed off work for a few more months as, physically and mentally, it doesn't sound as of you are up to doing full time work at the moment.

[Boo Radley]

You describe classic signs of severe depression and I also urge you to seek mental health counseling ASAP.  Anti-depressants may be useful but if you're dealing with situational depression (which seems perfectly logical given recent circumstances) talk therapy may be a better option.   Extreme fatigue is a symptom of depression and, combined with your current situation, the cards may be heavily stacked against you on several counts.  Your energy will probably begin to increase over time as you become more acclimated to this brave new world you find yourself in.  You're not alone so please post here as often as you wish.

I've dealt with depression since childhood but didn't start taking meds for the condition until 15+ years ago (I'm 53 now but everyone says I don't look a day over 103!).   Anti-depressants help immensely with the physiological aspects of the disease but, for example, when my mom became ill and died within 3 months all the pills in the world wouldn't have alleviated the depression I went through.  Grief and sadness like that diminish over time and that's just the way life is. 

I hope you're able to get some help and if continuing your leave of absence is an option it might be best in the long run.  Sorting all of this confusing stuff is a full time job, at least for a while. 

Good luck!

[jm1953]

I'd like to take this opportunity to say thankyou to everyone on here  for all your good advice and support - it's been a real help knowing that I'm not the only one who has / still is going through all this. I've made an appointment for tomorrow to see my doctor to get some further help.

Thank you again!

Congratulations on making an appointment with your doctor.  I know how scary this can be.   I'm kind of going through something similar right now.  Usually do around the holidays for some reason.  In any case, discussing anti-depressant and even anti-anxiety medication options with your doctor should help.  But to really make this work it's important to add in a counseling component.

I've been in therapy ever since I turned positive and I can't tell you what a difference it makes.  In fact I see my counselor Tuesday and I'm practically counting the minutes I have so much to tell him.

Good luck, and know you are not alone by any means.  Let us know how things go with the doctor.

Take care,

Jeff