how 24 of January changed my life FOREVER

[lifechanging2007]

hey guys,

I would have to say that your website  have really changed my perspective of HIV and helped me through this rough time.

I was first diagnosed on Wednesday Jan 24th 2007.(a day that i will never forget) I am 26 years old gay male; when i first learned the news i was like everyone shocked  ,confused  ,angry  and disoriented  . the first thing that came to my mind was "I don't deserve this" and i really don't..i never did drugs, drank or did unsafe sex (i won't lie to you and say I am the virgin marry but i took my precautions 80% of the times) well I guess that wasn't enough, because God has made his plans for me. But somehow i think my story is special in a way because i was supposed to take a really good job opportunity abroad the next day that I was diagnosed (i canceled the trip eventually).This is the whole story: i took this great job in the gulf and i was supposed to leave my beautiful country on Tuesday Jan the 23rd 2007 but due to some political problems in the country i couldn't travel on Tuesday so the trip was postponed till Thursday Jan 25th 2007. This is when i realized that god didn't want me to travel and that something was wrong this is why i did the HIV test and this is how i learned the shocking news on Wednesday.....so here I am with this "watch-out-from-this" virus One day before i was supposed to leave for a better future....lots of you are wondering why didn't i take the trip, well in the gulf regions and before taking a work permit you have to be tested and I CANNOT IMAGINE WHAT WOULD HAVE HAPPENED IF I WAS TESTED THERE. i would have been HUMILIATED.

Anyways the first thing i did was telling my mom. i couldn't lie to her, what should i have said? the trip was canceled? the company doesn't want me anymore? so eventually she cried and cried and cried.
After that I called my best friend and told him the news and for about half an hour he kept saying "NO you're not HIV+" and he thought it was a dramatic joke i was pulling on him ..I WISH IT WAS....

Ever since i was diagnosed i did some huge research about HIV and people with HIV and came along your website which is a life-saving one.
I am now really confused!!!!! i have been searching for the proper time to start the medication, some experts say "Hit Hard and Hit Early" and others say you should wait until your CD4 is < 350 or 250
my results will be done by the end of next week, I'll keep you posted but WHAT should i Do? I am pretty sure my CD4 is high because i'm newly infected (I am sure it's was in september06) if the doctor tells me to start should I agree even if "the hit hard and hit early" theory is still in the researching phase? ANYONE HERE CAN HELP ME?

I hope I didn't bore you with all this story, but I think you are the only ones who can understand what I am going through
If you want to reach me directly you can add me or Email me lifechanging2007@hotmail.com

Thank you for listening.

lifechanging2007

[jordan]

Dear lifechanging2007:

Sorry to hear about your diagnosis and glad that you found the forum.  Having HIV is not the end of the world and in a way forces you to discover yourself and grow as a person.

I didn't start my meds until my CD4 was about 267 and now they are currently up to 629 after nearly 1 year (anniversary is at the end of this month).  I have no idea when I was infected and for how long I went around unknowingly carring the virus.  If it wasn't for a swollen lymph node I wouldn't have been tested.


I have opted to tell nobody except for my one close friend and he's been very supportive.  I wished I could tell more people, but I'm not sure I want to at this stage in my life.

I can say that the last year has been rough although I've adapted well and I'm still doing everything I was doing before I found out.

Keeping a healthy mental attitude is key.

Peace,

Jordan

[Life]

Welcome to a beautiful spot my friend...  I am sorry to hear about your diagnosis and your life plans put on hold.  But you know what,  life will go on for you.. You can get that job again, you can do whatever you put your mind and heart to.....   Do not get to dramatic on that word FOREVER changed......  Remember, you have control, not the virus....    You need not do anything right now.  You have set some very good wheels in motion with getting a picture of how the virus is doing..   So lets wait and see what the docs have to say...  Meanwhile,  keep doing all that wonderful stuff you always did....   ok?

Love,

[gordonh28]

Hi! Your story really touched me, and I wanted to share with you. I was in a ten year relationship, when I found out in the 8th year that my lover was diagnosed with full blown aids. The reason he got tested was because his testicles swelled up like baseballs, it was really scary! After waiting 2 weeks he got the bad news, and had low tcells and a viral load.
I had been tested three years prior and the test came back negative. You see my lover, or I should say ex-lover was screwing around with about five guys within the 3rd year of our marriage. He hated to wear condoms, and I would not have anal sex without one. Then came Valentines Day, and I gave in....what a bad judgment on my part! I blamed him a lot at first, but had to accept that I was also to blame. I was not an angel prior to our courtship, to be honest with you, I had slept with hundreds of guys from the time I came out in 1975. All of that and never infected. I was in two three year relationships in between but was always faithful, and very sexually happy. I turned 50 on Jan 28th. I was 38 when I got diagnosed. I had 630 tcells and a viral load of 6000. That was pretty good! I took the advise of my Doctor, and went on Meds right away. I lived in Miami at the time, and was under the care of top notch HIV doctors. I never regretted the decision.
I have taken 2 drug holidays, one for 9 months, and one for 3 years. No major damage done. If you read my stats and profile it will give you more information.
The reason I stayed with him for 2 extra years was that we had a business together, and while he was very sick and getting help, I took over and ran it for him until he came back. I left him three months later in Dec 1998, and have not spoke to him since. Come to find out he had also passed the virus to four other guys, and the guilt of his actions just consumed him.
I had to go through therapy, and joined a great HIV support group. it changed my whole life. I made great friends who I am still close to, with the exception of my best buddy, who died three years of a stroke at the age of 44. He had the virus since 1981 and really did not take good care of himself, like diet, and exercise, until it was too late. I also lost my favorite Uncle back in 1991 when the only thing they had to give anyone was just AZT. The side affects of just the one drug was horrible and he died quickly.
Okay, I will wrap this up. I have never regretted going on the HIV drugs right away. My Tcells have been as high as 1500, and as low as 530. It will be 12 years in May. I think I made a good choice. My Tcells now are 950 and I have no viral load.
I was 38 when I found out. I have been single since. I have dated some, but along with HIV comes a few extra pieces of luggage. I have not given up yet. I know that I will meet another man I can love and trust.
Hope I helped you some. Write anytime you want.
Sincerely,
Gordonh28  AKA  Al Humbert

[indyguy]

I just went to my first doctor appt this week. They drew alot of blood and told me that I was going to start a one a day med within two weeks after my blood work comes back. I was a little supprised but my doc is one of the best. 6 months ago I was neg. He said he wants me to be undetectable as soon as possible. I live in Indy if you or anyone else needs some info here.

[lifechanging2007]

Hey all,

I would like to thank you for all the support you are giving me.
I have to say this was by large the worst 2 weeks in my life. Feelings are rushing in my head and heart. From ANGER to Regret to Pain to Fear to self-destructing thoughts but with your help I am coping it day after day.

So once again thank you for all the support.

Lifechanging2007@hotmail.com

[racingmind]

HEY there,

Seek out some counselling from your local ASO (Aids Service Organization).  It helped me cope with the first few months.....seriously, I was a mess...I'm by no means "over it", but I'm not letting it consume me everyday.

At this point, it is one of the best things you can do to take care of yourself.....


xoxo