POZ Community Forums
Main Forums => Living With HIV => Topic started by: Ric Wilke on December 05, 2007, 12:51:58 am
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This morning I took my meds, the ones that I put together every Saturday afternoon for the next week, and I looked in my hand and said to Thom, "Where the hell is my 'happy pill'? You know, the football shaped one?"
He asked, "Well, when did you take it last?"
"Damned if I know."
And I got to thinking. I remember emptying my Paxil bottle two or three Saturdays ago, thinking that I would remember I needed to bring a new bottle down from the stock pile upstairs for the next week's fill. Well, I guess I forgot and have been off of my antidepressant for about three weeks. Now I know why I been two steps short of the most crabby man on the face of the earth.
This really concerns me for several reasons. First of all, I have never missed a schedule doseage of any meds in my life. But more importantly, I forgot one of my meds completely. Brain fog, some may say. But I know it is all too true. I forget too much. I keep a Day-Timer to record appointments and important things like birthdays and anniversaries. But it's the daily things that give me problems. Why did I get up from the kitchen table and walk across the room? I'm a gourmet cook and sometimes I forget what I am going to prepare for dinner. On the other hand, I can write the shopping list for the market in the order of the items I need for a whole week's worth of meals and never have to back track for a forgotten item.
What is going on with my brain? Brain fog doesn't seem to explain it.
I'm so confussed. Ric
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Ric, the same things happen to me all the time. I'm not sure quite what to attribute it to (getting older, HIV, past drug abuse etc.) Maybe a combination of all of these things. I'll forget the simplest thing and be asking myself "what was it that I'm trying to remember?" It's been discussed several times on these forums and it seems like a lot of us are in the same boat. I try to do crossword puzzles, and watch Jeopardy to try to keep the brain sharp.
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Same here, Ric. So it seems that it's the memory recalls that are more immediate/at-the-moments and not so much the stuff that's been in the memory bank for longer length of time/ingrained into behavioral modes.
I can remember some odd shit about long ago but I pause at the doorway of the pantry and wonder why I left the counter to go in there. So, frustrated, I turn the light out and close the door and go back to the kitchen island. Then, "ding, ding, ding" I recall it was sugar I went in for to fill the sugar bowl.
See. It's not just you, hon.
I note it's just an acknowledgement I'm offering and not a true solution. I just want to offer you some kind of consolation on the matter. Hope it helps.
Mike M
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I am so "with you" on this Ric.... I do my drug box every Sunday night. I can do it practically blindfolded....but if one of the bottles were missing, I'm not sure I would remember that I was out of that drug. I always try to be careful with my "empties", leaving them on the counter in a prominent place so I will get the refill on time and put it in with the others. What you are describing has happened to me before, so I know how it feels.
I guess we should not go just by the bottles we are setting the drug box up with, but also from a list of ALL meds we are on. I haven't managed to get quite that organized lately....
A list for shopping is crucial to me; if I go without one, there is no doubt that something will be forgotten. For example, a few weeks ago, I was down to my last bar of soap....so that was priority...but I didn't write it on the list, so I went to the store and came home with no soap.
Isn't getting old fun? It does beat the alternative though...
love you,
Alan :-*
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Ric.
I'm glad it was just your "happy pill" you forgot and are now back on them. Hopefully feeling better with no long term effect.
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I forget shit all the time...i tried to blame it on my ADHD, then the pot smoking..but I quit smoking pot for about 2 years before and things didn't get any better so I ruled that one out and sparked a fat joint ;D...
so, I just blame it on HIV now...why not?....in the words of my favorite Ric and Steve character Chuck (aka Roll AIDS)...it is my AIDS acting up something fierce!!
Rich(who would skip meds daily if it wasn't for his pill box)
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Hey sweetheart, I'm glad you found out what was going on and I'm really happy it's something that will sort itself out now that you're back on the antidepressants. You know I was worried! Phew!
I forget my acyclovir sometimes for days on end - and I always get a really nasty reminder notice, if you know what I mean. Ouch! :-\
Happy Hugs,
Ann
xxx
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Hi Ric
You can add me to the list..I'm always forgetting something.
Wednesday night I had make up a bed for one of the baby goats (Jay) in the hay shed because he had an upset tummy..when I went to give them their bottle on Thursday morning I went into a panic because I could'nt find him..it wasn't until after a frantic search and a few calls to the neighbors that I rememberd I had put him in the hay shed. :-[...true story.
I'm glad all is back on track..I bet Thom is relieved.. ;)
Love and hugs
Jan :-*
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Ric,
I can sooooo relate to this forgetting-brainfog- thing. I have been having the same problem. It is frustrating as hell. It makes me feel like an idiot. But this has been going on for so long now. I am convinced it is from the hiv meds.
All I can say is to try and not beat yourself up over it. I think it is one of those things we must live with. And all we can do is try to manage it as best we can.
Just remember this: You give the greatest "HUGS" on Earth!
xoxo
Jeff
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Ric,
I use a day planner because I would forget my name if I didn't write it down. My clients are so used to seeing me with it they ask where it is if they catch me out and about when I'm off duty.
I'm glad you figured it out. I count my pills each morning and evening to make sure they are all there. If not, I have to search through the bottles to find out which one is missing.
I guess I'm in good company.
HUGS,
Mark
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I have been forgetting a lot of things too. I am not sure when it started. I had surgery twice last year. I heard so many times that the anesthesia effects a person's memory -- that for some it is short term, for others it is longer. Ummmm, it's been over a year and I am STILL blaming the surgery.
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Ric,
I can sooooo relate to this forgetting-brainfog- thing. I have been having the same problem. It is frustrating as hell. It makes me feel like an idiot. But this has been going on for so long now. I am convinced it is from the hiv meds.
And I'm convinced it's from the hiv itself, as I'm not on meds. I fear it's a case of "we just can't win" or "damned if you do, damned if you don't".
~sigh~ :-\
Ann
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And I'm convinced it's from the hiv itself, as I'm not on meds.
Call me an optimist, but here's my take on a percentage of the cause of forgetfulness for many of us.
I think HIV positive people, in general and for a variety of reasons, are under extraordinary stress. When a person is under stress, forgetfulness is not an uncommon outcome.
Add to this, aging, illness, genetics, etc. and you may have varying degrees of severity of forgetfulness (I'm not referring to dementia or Alzheimer's here).
This is why I believe SO strongly that stigma must be addressed in whatever form and forum possible. If stigma were reduced, or even, oh joy, eliminated, our adrenal systems could calm down and do the work they are capable of doing. For many, it would be in concert with meds, for others, it might be med-free.
Stigma causes stress and stress is not good for our immune system. Because stress causes forgetfulness it becomes a vicious cycle as we stress about forgetting the meds, the beds, the goats, the coats, the gloves, the loves, the keys, the seas.
Edited to add: Google the words stress and forgetfulness -- you will have a buffet of reading and if you're interested read the article here and stick with it until the last sentence.
http://mentalhealth.about.com/od/stress/a/stressimmune604.htm