My situation is a bit complicated. I am a 23 year old male. I was never open to dating I preferred focusing on building my career.
Having been brought up by strict parents we were always told not to have sexual intercourse until the big day and making sure appreciate tests are done. And I lived by that.
Three months ago, I was introduced to girl, slightly older and decided why not try dating for a change.
We never engaged in other sexual activities appart from oral (her to me), deep kissing and frottage (with shorts on) and a bit of fingering.
Everything was going smoothly, until I brought up the idea of testing HIV. She declined to test and said that she already know her status and the relationship will not work. She told she's positive. She didn't want to tell me because she feared rejection. And she told me nothing we did exposed me to HIV.
I am in a very confusing state right now, even worse traumaised and fearing.
I've read a lot on the internet I can't seem to find exactly the risk level based what we did.
As for the oral she did on me, I never saw any cuts or tiniest presence of blood in her mouth/lips.
Sorry for the long message which might seem unnecessary, but being young and finding something as shocking as this as ruined me.
Please advise
Jim Allen:
--- Quote ---being young and finding something as shocking as this as ruined me. --- End quote ---
::) Really?
Jim Allen:
Read your post three times.
--- Quote ---We never engaged in other sexual activities appart from oral (her to me), deep kissing and frottage (with shorts on) and a bit of fingering. --- End quote ---
You had no HIV risk whatsoever, zero.
Receiving a blowjob lacks the conditions required for acquiring HIV, thus it makes sense that after nearly 40 years of this pandemic in terms of BJ's, there hasn't been a single documented case of HIV transmission to an insertive partner (the person being "sucked"), and you will not be the worlds first.
The same can be said for fingering and frottage with or without shorts on. This is regardless of her treatment status and ill get to that on the next point.
--- Quote ---Everything was going smoothly, until I brought up the idea of testing HIV. She declined to test and said that she already know her status and the relationship will not work. She told she's positive. She didn't want to tell me because she feared rejection. And she told me nothing we did exposed me to HIV.
I am in a very confusing state right now, even worse traumaised and fearing. --- End quote ---
You had no exposure, and my heart goes out to the women who might be traumatized by your reaction. Not sure why you are confused, your GF has a minor manageable condition, I hope you have not allowed such a minute thing to ruin what could have been a nice relationship.
As FYI once a person living with HIV (PLHIV) is on antiretroviral therapy (ART) and has achieved an undetectable viral load* in their blood for at 6+ months, they can not sexually transmit HIV. Meaning even if condomless intercourse was to happen it would be no HIV risk to you. https://forums.poz.com/index.php?topic=71864.0
Anyhow, below is the general stuff you need to know should you become more sexually active.
Here's what you need to know: Use condoms for anal or vaginal intercourse correctly and consistently, with no exceptions. Consider talking to your healthcare provider about PrEP as an additional layer of protection against HIV
Keep in mind that some sexual practices which may be described as safe in terms of acquiring HIV might still pose a risk for other STIs. So please do get tested at least yearly for STIs including but not limited to HIV, and more frequently if condomless intercourse occurs.
Also, note that it is possible to have an STI and show no signs or symptoms, and the only way of knowing is by testing.
Kind regards
Jim
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timr218:
Hi sir, firstly I'd like to apologise to you and the community if my reaction hurt anyone.
I really love this girl, but at the same time I'm concern about my health.
Please understand me it's my first time really falling in love and ended up in this situation which I never planned.
I didn't know what to do, spent days and late nights reading and reading online if I was at risk. With all the opinions out there I started fearing - cuts, sores on lips/mouth, you name it...
I really don't know what to do... My mind is constantly thinking of "risk" instead of "no risk" Am I worried about a disease that I cannot have? Regardless of symptoms my mind tries to make...
Jim Allen:
Hiya,
You are letting irrational fear control you.
It's 2022. With treatment, people living with HIV can live long and healthy lives, just like their HIV negative peers and with treatment, there is also no HIV risk to their HIV negative partners even if condomless intercourse would take place.
You had no HIV risk from this lady. Time to move on with your life.
My two cents, prehaps if you are smart, apologise to the woman for your reaction and see if she still is interested in you. It's nice that someone likes you. It doesn't happen every day, so don't fuck it up.