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Author Topic: Very Scared. . . Kinky sex got out of hand  (Read 7757 times)

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Offline frightenedsafeguy

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Very Scared. . . Kinky sex got out of hand
« on: June 27, 2006, 11:38:58 am »
I don't really know what information I'm looking for here--I think I just want to share this story because I have no one I can tell it to.  I'm very upset and scared.

As a gay man, I have always been extremely careful sexually.  I have had a limited number of sex partner (under ten) and have been extremely safe with all of them.  I have enjoyed getting into 'bondage' type sex with them, and it's been a lot of fun.

I met a guy online and went to a bar to meet him firsthand.  He was experienced as a dominant in the bondage scene, and he seemed intelligent and I got a good vibe from him.  On another occasion, I met him at his house.  In several emails, I had told him that my one major limit was no bareback sex.  I had emphasized safe sex in at least six emails, and he was agreeable to that.

During the encounter, he inserted his penis into my anus and thrusted maybe seven or eight times.  I said, "Of course you have a condom on, right?" I had heard the sound of tearing before he entered me, and since everything regarding safe sex had been agreed upon beforehand, I was simply checking for my own peace of mind.  I have always been the submissive, receiving partner and have never had anyone NOT use a condom.

He immediately pulled out and said, "No, I'll put one on right now."  I was very freaked out.  He assured me he was disease free and he certainly hadn't come yet.  I, of course, left the encounter, shaking and naseous.  I couldn't believe that my trust had been so violated.

Now I'm very worrried I have hiv.  Can someone very knowledgeable please help me?  Is a few (under ten) anal thrusts likely to transmit hiv?  I know it's possible, of course, but should I be this worried?  I couldn't sleep last night and have considered going to the hospital for the PEP treatment--but maybe that's extreme.  I feel raped.  I feel stupid.  I feel like I don't ever want to have sex again.  And I feel very, very scared. 

Offline RapidRod

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Re: Very Scared. . . Kinky sex got out of hand
« Reply #1 on: June 27, 2006, 11:51:37 am »
First of all read the "Welcome" post at the top of the page. You don't have to have ejaculation to get infected. The only way to know your status is to be tested at the proper time. That will be 13 weeks past your last exposure. It's always good when you are sexually active to be tested annually.

Offline frightenedsafeguy

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Re: Very Scared. . . Kinky sex got out of hand
« Reply #2 on: June 27, 2006, 11:55:02 am »
Yeah, I know there's a possibility, and I've read the Welcome stuff.  What about the PEP treatment though?  Is that something I should seek out?

Offline RapidRod

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Re: Very Scared. . . Kinky sex got out of hand
« Reply #3 on: June 27, 2006, 12:00:22 pm »
PEP must be started within 72 hours. Most health care providers will not give out PEP medication unless it is confirmed that the other person is truely HIV+. It is totally up to you if you want to seek out PEP.

Offline frightenedsafeguy

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Re: Very Scared. . . Kinky sex got out of hand
« Reply #4 on: June 27, 2006, 12:03:47 pm »
It's been about ten hours since the encounter, so I'm definitely still in the window for PEP.  I've been researching its pros and cons.  I'm just so scared it's hard to think logically and make decisions the way I usually do. 

Offline frightenedsafeguy

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Re: Very Scared. . . Kinky sex got out of hand
« Reply #5 on: June 27, 2006, 12:21:39 pm »
I appreciate RapidRod's "Stick to the facts" approach, but if anyone wants to post some chattier remarks, I'm all for it.  I'm a suit and tie guy in real life, and I don't have anybody I can talk about a bad bondage encounter to--lol.  I feel very isolated and alone right now--so if anyone has some time to post, I'd appreciate it.

I've delivered Meals On Wheels in the past and even volunteered at an AIDS hospice before.  But I always assumed because I was so careful that I wouldn't be in this position.  Obviously, I assumed wrong.

Offline Sae

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Re: Very Scared. . . Kinky sex got out of hand
« Reply #6 on: June 27, 2006, 03:27:12 pm »
PEP is a personal decision.  Its a severe regimen akin to chemotherapy and not at all pleasant.
You must wait 13 weeks POST PEP to test for HIV conclusively.

Does it work?  Yes.  100% no, I believe its around 60% success rate.

Its a personal decision.  Did you have a legitimate HIV risk?  Yes unfortunately you did.  Are your results lowered because of no ejaculation?  Considerably.  Herein lies the decision you must make.  Your health is your protection but in your case, you didn't ask for this...and its pretty clear this isn't a close friend of yours.  In my humble opinion you must ask yourself the tough questions of how you'll feel over the next 13 weeks with PEP and how you'll feel if you elect not to take PEP .

Perhaps you might have a discussion with the man in question, he shouldn't be flippant since you requested a condom and he breached your trust.

Just be aware, PEP is tough...you MUST 100% committ to the PEP and not back out when it gets ugly and it will get ugly.  DO not waste valuable drugs that you are NOT prepared to follow through with.

My suggestion is to go talk to a Dr...NOW.  That might help you with the decision...and I really recommend you talk to someone anyway.

« Last Edit: June 27, 2006, 03:32:13 pm by Sae »

Offline frightenedsafeguy

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Re: Very Scared. . . Kinky sex got out of hand
« Reply #7 on: June 27, 2006, 08:47:38 pm »
I started a PEP program today.  Luckily, I live in a big city with a large gay population and I was able to find (through some amazing internet resources) a doctor who was able to see me.  He deals almost exclusively with hiv patients, and he put me on a regimen of drugs.  He said he would be very surprised if I have any real problems with them, which allayed my concerns about the risks of them.  He also said my risk factor for the encounter was minimal, but he felt that if I wanted to be proactive, that was a smart thing to do.  I feel light years better now and I suggest anyone who has had an unsafe experience find a doctor in your area who specializes in hiv issues.  I am very pleased that I followed through with this.

Offline Andy Velez

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Re: Very Scared. . . Kinky sex got out of hand
« Reply #8 on: June 27, 2006, 09:06:54 pm »
Well, given what you have described I would say the odds are very much in your favor that you will test negative.

From now on when you have intercourse, if you're the receiving partner make sure you see the guy put the latex on.

Also, remember that as far as getting tested in relation to this incident, you have to wait 13 weeks from the time you finish the PEP regimen to get a reliable result.

Good luck and stay busy during the waiting time. It will help to make it pass more quickly than you may imagine possible right now.

Andy Velez

Offline frightenedsafeguy

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Re: Very Scared. . . Kinky sex got out of hand
« Reply #9 on: June 27, 2006, 09:26:15 pm »
Thanks Andy, the doctor reassured me in much the same way.  I think I will test negative as well, and it's nice to do something pro-active about the situation, rather than waiting around for 13 weeks.


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