my positive friend needs to tell his negative BF-HELP

[worriedfriend]

My friend, is seeing this great great guy. The first time they had sex, they were both a little tipsey, after the first time that night having sex, his new friend asked him if he was positive, just out of the blue. My friend panicked and said no, and they they had sex 2 more times that night.  Few nights later, they had unprotected sex again. My friend is the bottom, and his new friend is the TOP.  Now my friend needs to tell him, like duh.  They are starting to get more involved and things are going in the right direction.  He is very worried about telling him, it would have been MUCH easier if they had protected sex, but since they didn't, it makes this whole scene much more complicated. 

ANY ADVICE on how to tell his new friend is MORE than appreciated. 

[comino]

not much advise in the how department but some in the when department   YESTERDAY! seems like a good idea.. 

[structuredjen]

I'm with comino.  I'm not pos, my bf is so I'm not really qualified to give advice - but this one already sounds sticky. 

In Michigan, where I live, it's actually a felony not to disclose a positive status prior to sex.  At the least, you should make sure your friend understands the legality of it all.

I'm thinking there may be no good advice to give on this one.  The fact that the guy point blank asked and your friend did not disclose, will be a major issue when he does.  Not only will this person have to deal with the fear of risky sex and its possible implications, but the feeling of being lied to about something so important.

Be ready to be supportive.  This could very well not go well at all.  And no matter what the outcome is, there should be a major lesson learned here so he doesn't find himself in the same position again.  It seems to me that your friend is only making things harder on himself by putting himself in this situation.


You can find some related threads below -

http://forums.poz.com/index.php?topic=15630.0

http://forums.poz.com/index.php?topic=11378.0

http://forums.poz.com/index.php?topic=12545.0



Jen

[pozniceguy]

You can be a real friend by taking your buddy to a clinic or some other counseling service (ASO may be able to help)  and get his head straight about living with this bug......whatever happens with this  instance of nondisclosure there will be never be a good outcome if he doesn't accept that he must disclose  before having sex....and not have unprotected sex in any case....  do the hard thing and insist, like a real friend would , that he get his actions under control.......drag him there if you have to.......

[worriedfriend]

Thanks to you all about your comments and we've both talked about much of this and he knows it's so wrong, but he also thinks that the chances of him getting it are really really hard to get if his bf is a top. I told him and he knows there still is a chance even though it may be much lower.  I have told him that he needs to tell his new friend-bf or whatever they are REALLY soon because thats going to be a big speedbump in their relationship that they both need to hit now and try to get past it. At this pont his new bf may or may not want to move forward who knows. Again THANKS so much and it seems you all agree he needs to tell him now.

[worriedfriend]

My friend just told his new bf and he was very understanding and said he needs to soak this up and get tested. They are talking outside now im inside and scaries ro death. His new bf is very smart and had had positive bf's and has worked at aids clinics so he knows the facts. Wish him luck tonight.

[milker]

Good luck He's lucky to have you as a friend.

Milker.

[worriedfriend]

Things went GREAT. I'm home now he is safe. His friend wanted to stay the night and be close. His new bf wants to digest this and also get tested which is normal, but he still wants to see him and everything. So things are VERY good. I just hope to the lord his new bf is NOT positive as my friend said if he is, he will feel horrible. Thanks so much to you all for all your help!!