feels like my life is moving in slw motion......

[Yme?]

I've been poz for 6moths now.. I'm still in sock as to how this could happen to me.. I'm a 33 years old black male who's been tested every year since I was 17,,always used protection. I was just tested in march from my yearly STD test, everything came back great as I already knew they would. in July I went for my medical physical (sugar, high blood pressure, cholesterol etc.) went back for the result and that's when my life changed. I was n sock just setting looking out the window. I just couldn't believe what I was hearing, I was saying to myself the whole time my doctor was talking "they have to have the wrong test cause I know I'm clean. she gave me a box of Kleenex but I didn't need them. the teats wouldn't come out. they still haven't came out yet.. I've been n this black hole for the pass 6 moths now.. I stay n the house away from friends and family.. this pass holiday season wasn't the same. I didn't answer my phone none Christmas or new years and those r my two favorite holidays of years. I'm on the verge of losing my job cause I just want to stay home n away from people.. I feel like everybody know I have it.  I work n the hospital field  so its even harder sometime to walk throw my job cause I know the doctors know. maybe its just n my head. on top of all this I still commutate with the person that gave this to me. before this happen we was dating for over two years and I would always tell him go get tested and know Ur status. two years later look where I'm at now all because one night n April we decided to take the condom off. when I asked my HIV specializes how did I get it, cause it was only for about 5 minutes with out the condom. he told me that the person may have had it for awhile and throw his pre cum is how I got it. and was heavy pre cummer. I think I need mental help. I feel like someone died that was very very very close to me. like a twin bro

[Ann]

Hi Y, welcome to the forums.

I've removed the other two, identical threads you started in the Living With and Mental Health forums. You only needed to post it once and you'll have all your responses in one place this way, which makes it easier for everyone - you included - to follow your situation. I left the thread in Just Tested, as that is the most appropriate place for you to post right now, being so very new to living with hiv.


I'm sorry to hear that you're having such a difficult time coping. Is your health being monitored? You should have had a few blood draws by now to see where you're at hiv-related numbers-wise (specifically, CD4 count and viral load). What are your numbers?

It sounds as though you would greatly benefit from some counselling. Are you in touch with a local ASO (aids service organisation) - many have counselling available in-house or can at least refer you to someone. Your ID doctor should also be able to refer you. If you don't know where your local ASO is, put your zip code into poz.com's Health Services Directory.

Everyone goes through the roller-coaster of emotions that is the early days following diagnosis, but it does get better in time. That may be hard to believe right now, so you'll just have to trust me on that score. Reading through other people's stories here in the Just Tested section should give you hope, so have a look.

You are going to be ok, it just takes time. Hang in there!

Ann

[Yme?]

my cd4 1012.. vl 28, that was on Jan 14, 2014. I've had in home counseling  8 times n the pass 4 months, Matrix Human Service with Mark (great guy).

[pittman]

So sorry that you became positive. 

As to your numbers, they are pretty good, so you are not facing any emergency on that front it seems.

Emotionally, that may not be as true. You are not alone in that, the early months are really hard that way when you find out.  I hope you can keep seeing the councilor for awhile, having someone to talk to can help. 

It took me awhile to adjust, and I saw it affect my job too. Ultimately I reevaluated a lot of things in my life, including my job. One of the changes was a new position, in which I am in for the last few years.

Things should get much easier with some time. Hoping for the best for you.

[Newpositive]

Hi everyone,

I was diagnosed poz a week and half ago. However, I kinda knew it since early december for I had almost all the symptoms of the acute stage. The first thought of being infected with the virus for AIDS was quite disturbing, for that reason I started searching for blogs or people online that could provide me more information about this virus, treatment and living with hiv. The acute stage was two weeks before my eurotrip, so I didn't want to do the test before going to London. I wasn't ready at that moment.
While in Europe, every night before going to bed I would read something about hiv/aids. This awareness helped me a lot when I finally got my poz results a week and a half ago. I haven't told anybody yet. I'm seeing the doctor next week with all my exams for virus load/cd4 (I don't have them now though).

I've never thought "Why me?". I reckon it is because I was always aware of transmission and we know when we do unsafe things, don't we? I'm a little bit scared with me not worrying too much about it (I see here people having a hard time), but guys life goes on. You're still beautiful, you're still alive. Keep on living, keep on loving your life. Of course we all will have to change some habits, but I'm pretty sure we can make it. I'm so thankful for the internet, if it wasn't for it I would probably be depressed right now since I would not know that I can still live with hiv if I take care of myself. If it wasn't for the internet, I would think that I would die in a couple of months and that's not true.

Thank you for everybody who post online their inspiring and encouraging stories.

Yme? this is for you:

We will make it. Try not to let the virus control your life. You still are the one in charge of your life. Live and love!! I wish you all the best!!