Welcome, Guest. Please login or register.
March 28, 2024, 10:11:24 pm

Login with username, password and session length


Members
Stats
  • Total Posts: 772947
  • Total Topics: 66310
  • Online Today: 441
  • Online Ever: 5484
  • (June 18, 2021, 11:15:29 pm)
Users Online
Users: 0
Guests: 335
Total: 335

Welcome


Welcome to the POZ Community Forums, a round-the-clock discussion area for people with HIV/AIDS, their friends/family/caregivers, and others concerned about HIV/AIDS.  Click on the links below to browse our various forums; scroll down for a glance at the most recent posts; or join in the conversation yourself by registering on the left side of this page.

Privacy Warning:  Please realize that these forums are open to all, and are fully searchable via Google and other search engines. If you are HIV positive and disclose this in our forums, then it is almost the same thing as telling the whole world (or at least the World Wide Web). If this concerns you, then do not use a username or avatar that are self-identifying in any way. We do not allow the deletion of anything you post in these forums, so think before you post.

  • The information shared in these forums, by moderators and members, is designed to complement, not replace, the relationship between an individual and his/her own physician.

  • All members of these forums are, by default, not considered to be licensed medical providers. If otherwise, users must clearly define themselves as such.

  • Forums members must behave at all times with respect and honesty. Posting guidelines, including time-out and banning policies, have been established by the moderators of these forums. Click here for “Do I Have HIV?” posting guidelines. Click here for posting guidelines pertaining to all other POZ community forums.

  • We ask all forums members to provide references for health/medical/scientific information they provide, when it is not a personal experience being discussed. Please provide hyperlinks with full URLs or full citations of published works not available via the Internet. Additionally, all forums members must post information which are true and correct to their knowledge.

  • Product advertisement—including links; banners; editorial content; and clinical trial, study or survey participation—is strictly prohibited by forums members unless permission has been secured from POZ.

To change forums navigation language settings, click here (members only), Register now

Para cambiar sus preferencias de los foros en español, haz clic aquí (sólo miembros), Regístrate ahora

Finished Reading This? You can collapse this or any other box on this page by clicking the symbol in each box.

Author Topic: Going in to depression, I don't know how to help her, I need advice  (Read 4276 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

Offline 850YARR

  • New Member
  • Posts: 1
Hello all,
I am a 26 year old male,  I met the love of my life 16 months ago,  but she was diagnosed with HIV about 10 months ago.
She is taking medication and for the second blood test in a row now,  she is undetectable.  The doctor says her levels are better than most healthy people right now.
But when she was diagnosed it hit her really hard.  Especially because her mom found out before she did. 

 (the health department kept leaving her messages that sounded just like a scam,  no information at all to let her know it was important,  so she ignored the calls.  So of course the health department showed up at her mom's door,  because that's the address she had on file,  and her mom is a nurse so she knew what was going on)
I feel like she has come such a long way in coping with her illness in the last few months,  I am very proud of her.  But we had a very very sexual life before all of this plopped into our laps.

I believe intimacy is a very large part of living a full and happy life,  a few past relationships failed because my partner didn't feel the same way as I did...
My partner feels..  Felt the same way.
I mean perfect match guys,  this girl connects with me on so many levels,  I could live life a million more times and never find anyone close to as special as her.
Well she is so hung up on how she contracted the illness,  she's actually on depression medication to help her cope,  she was just a lump,  nothing I could do or say would cheer her up.

Now getting close to a year later,  she is undetectable,  but she is AFRAID  of sex,  partly because she doesn't want me to catch it,  the other is all in her mind.  She tells me she is repulsed by the thought of it. 
I know this girl means the world to me, because any other girl I would have left on the spot,  months ago,  long forgotten.

Here I am,  on this forum I found today,  looking for answers I can't ever seem to find.   
HOW CAN I HELP HER???    I feel like I am loosing my mind..  I've trained myself to not flirt with her anymore (it will just make her upset)  I can't touch her in any suggestive way (even though she does to me..)
I'm even in the last steps of getting a script for PreP,  but the way things are going I'm not even sure if that will help her mentally in any way... It might not even change anything   =`[   
I don't want to tell her I'm immensely depressed because nothing feels the same,  HOW COULD I BE SO HORRIBLE,  that is such a terrible thing to tell someone..  "I feel terrible every day because you won't get over it"

I know it's a touchy subject that should be taken with care,  and I don't know what step to take.
I love this girl, but it can't be healthy to keep living this way, I'm hiding in the back of the shop at work typing this because I can't think about all of this without crying.
This is so hard.

I apologize for my terrible grammar and punctuation,  I'm trying to spit this out quick before anyone knows I'm back here.

I'm greatly looking forward to any words of wisdom anyone cares to share.  Thank you for your time.

Offline zach

  • Member
  • Posts: 3,586
Re: Going in to depression, I don't know how to help her, I need advice
« Reply #1 on: January 22, 2016, 03:27:11 pm »
First, you're awesome, I don't hear a bit of hesitation from you, total loyalty.

Second, don't give up on the relationship, it shines through how strongly you feel about it. You're lucky to have each other.

Self acceptance of the diagnosis is just like the five stages of grief; denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. And it's not a steady straight line from one to the next. There will be some back and forth, probably a couple coexisting. Be patient with her, help her process it in her own time and way.

Maybe try to get her to join here? She can post anywhere, and she also post on the ladies board. Very supportive women on the board.

Sex, yeah, give it time. You say she's on some antidepressants, is she in any type of therapy? Think she'd be open to that? Realize that many antidepressants suppress sex drive, so that probably is part of the equation.

Honestly, it takes awhile to recover from diagnosis. I was solid wreck for a couple years. It could be argued I'm still a mess. I like to think I've stabilized, six years later.

Sucks her mom found out in that way, I totally empathize with her on that. Disclosure out of our control, not in our time.. it sucks. But you can't unring that bell now. Is her mother supportive? Can she be an ally with you, together you two can be a good support network.

This is going to be a process, I don't have quick easy answers, there aren't any. Hang out, welcome here. I'll step aside and give others some space to weigh in.

 


Terms of Membership for these forums
 

© 2024 Smart + Strong. All Rights Reserved.   terms of use and your privacy
Smart + Strong® is a registered trademark of CDM Publishing, LLC.