people not understanding of hiv

[RICKY77531]

okay I am frustated.....my boyfriend of 6 years to me doesn't understand my hiv...he thinks i can eat past 7(take my meds at 9) ...he offers me food at 830 like he forgets and acts like i should be happy and forget about my hiv.. he wants to go to the docs visit with me and reminds me of my meds but doesn't understand that my meds sideaffects i get are severe headaches...wants me to function like i am a healthy negative guy,,I have a cell count of 200 ....things change you know....i get tired faster than usual.....I only have these forums to translate the feelings I have...when he see"s me on these forums.....he questions why do I have to come here so much.....I feel comfortable here....you know...he wants me to forget what I have.....but its reality...live with and deal with it ...you know....I want to go to San Francisco with you guys but he saids I shouldn't....its a bad idea..why??? ..thanks everyone for being there for me....

rick

[Bucko]

Rick-

Sounds like the title of this thread should be changed from "people" to "person" 

There could be a thousand reasons why your bf seems to not "get it". My fist impression is that he's in an (understandable) avoidance/denial state right now. Sometimes it's easier to pretend that nothing's changed than deal with the reality of living with HIV.

If you want to go to the AMG in SF and can afford it, I'd say go. Sounds like you could use some time away...

Brent
(Who hopes Rick's relationship smooths out eventually)

[RICKY77531]

Sounds like the title of this thread should be changed from "people" to "person"  Wink


maybe..I don't know my friends talk about barebacking and stuff...(negative friends..) and I tell them to be careful...they don't know I am positive..I used to think they way they used to....thought it would never happen to me...thats why I said people....clarification....

[Matty the Damned]

Rick,

It may be that your partner needs some support and education to help him adjust to having a positive partner. Is there a support service in your area that can cater to the needs of serodiscordant couples?

MtD

[RICKY77531]

yeah maybe he needs to go..he is so stuck in his damn job!!! I went and learned alot but he had to work...thats what i was thinking..

thanks Bucko for the advice....

[milker]

There are things that your bf needs to understand and that will set limits that you and him need to agree on.

You need to talk very frankly with him and explain what are your limits, and that going overboard will (not may) jeopardize your health, and he needs to understand those boundaries, and live with them, like you do yourself.

At the same time, he is trying to make you feel "normal", like everyone else, and this is laudable. Maybe you have to explain to him that HIV is a chronic disease, you will have it until you die, and that like other chronic diseases, there are rules to follow to deal with it the best way. Explain to him very clearly what you can do and cannot do, and at the same time, allow yourself to be open for options. Maybe there are things that you can adapt, talk to him, an open and clear communication is always the best way to go.

Good luck, and hey, why not invite him to AMG too? He could meet other people affected by HIV, and realize that it's not only you that have those rules to follow, but many others, and that life still goes on despite those road blocks.

Milker.

[Queen Tokelove]

Ricky~~

It sounds like your bf is starting to get on your last nerve. At the same time, it sounds like he is trying to be involved. How do you feel about letting him go to one of your appointments? If not feeling that that idea then why not bring him some reading material from your clinic. Honestly, I think you should be grateful that your man does work. I have had my fair share of scrubs. You don't wanna take me there. I assume he has 2 days off from work, park his narrow ass in a chair and let him browse this site. Now what excuse can he use then? Try to continue to encourage him to educate himself if he wants to understand what you are going through. And remember Rome wasn't built in a day..

[Dan J.]

Most HIV- ppl will never understand what  we have here at aidsmeds,. I know my friends  & family don't. sometimes I'll talk about someone on the forum & they look at me like I'm talking about an imaginary friend.

Best wishes to you Ricky.

Dan

[indyguy]

I agree with all of the above. It sounds like you have a cool bf though. Could be worse but I also feel ya. My bf is neg and I really wonder if he understands what I am going through sometimes. Even though he is a nurse I do not think anyone can truly know what its like unless they have it. Hang in there and best of luck..Michael

[Sky]

Hang in there Rick.  He may not understand everything that is going on but I bet he'd be willing to learn.

Even though he is a nurse

I'm in nursing school and work at a hospital.  I can tell ya nurses are about as naive as they come when its dealing with HIV.  Most of them are lost in a time warp like it's 1983 not 2007.

[RICKY77531]

hey thanks everyone for the advice...I guess he was getting on my last nerve. know he means well though...wish me luck go to the docs wednesday to  talk about the side effects of my meds.....sustiva and viramune...

[thunter34]

Based on what you describe, overall it sounds like the BF still deserves some pretty good marks.  Getting on each other's nerves a touch now and then just goes with the territory when you're in it long-term. 

[J.R.E.]

Based on what you describe, overall it sounds like the BF still deserves some pretty good marks. 

Ricky,

I have to agree with Thunter's statement above. I would also give him some pretty good marks !! I've been with my partner very close to 27 years now. 22 of those years, have been with myself being HIV positive. He is negative. It was never easy in the beginning, and there are still some trying times, but what pulls us through, is the fact that we are able to always communicate our feelings with each other.

Even though Ed is HIV negative, he has a very good understanding of what I am going through on a daily basis. He understands the PN I am dealing with. He understands the fatigue I deal with on occasion ( some days worse than others). I actually appreciate when Ed pushes me somewhat, but he also knows my limitations. Continue to communicate with your BF. Let him know how your feeling. Don't be afraid or ashamed to say,"you know, I am just not up to doing this today. I am kind of tired. ( or I am just not feeling up to things today) IF you continue to communicate with him, he will understand.
Ed knows the kind of day I am having, just from looking in my eyes. He knows the kind of day I am having, by how heavy my feet are, when I am walking down the stairs at night. Or when it takes me that little extra time to get out of bed . He understands that. And the thing is, he didn't just understand that, over a period of a few weeks. It took a lot of time and patience.
By the way, my partner does not come and visit these forums. He knows that this place is for me. In fact, he is sitting in the next room having a snack, and hears me pecking at the keyboard right now !

It's also great that your BF wants to go to the doctors visits with you !! Perhaps you can bring your concerns up, while both of you are at the doctors office. Maybe the doctor can make recommendations !

Also, just need a clarification of the meds you on on. You stated you on Viramune and Sustiva. Is that a mistake?


Anyway, take care of yourself, things will get better.


Ray

[RICKY77531]

oh yeah sustiva...truvada...ugh   demetia already

[Jeffreyj]

I totally get your frustration. It's like you tell people you are tired, and in goes in one ear and out the other. Just keep driving your point home to him. He sounds like a keeper. Try to be patient!

And about SF....If you want to go, GO! See you there!