Welcome, Guest. Please login or register.
November 27, 2022, 11:53:44 am

Login with username, password and session length


Members
Stats
  • Total Posts: 766768
  • Total Topics: 65448
  • Online Today: 150
  • Online Ever: 5484
  • (June 18, 2021, 11:15:29 pm)
Users Online
Users: 2
Guests: 90
Total: 92

Welcome


Welcome to the POZ Community Forums, a round-the-clock discussion area for people with HIV/AIDS, their friends/family/caregivers, and others concerned about HIV/AIDS.  Click on the links below to browse our various forums; scroll down for a glance at the most recent posts; or join in the conversation yourself by registering on the left side of this page.

Privacy Warning:  Please realize that these forums are open to all, and are fully searchable via Google and other search engines. If you are HIV positive and disclose this in our forums, then it is almost the same thing as telling the whole world (or at least the World Wide Web). If this concerns you, then do not use a username or avatar that are self-identifying in any way. We do not allow the deletion of anything you post in these forums, so think before you post.

  • The information shared in these forums, by moderators and members, is designed to complement, not replace, the relationship between an individual and his/her own physician.

  • All members of these forums are, by default, not considered to be licensed medical providers. If otherwise, users must clearly define themselves as such.

  • Forums members must behave at all times with respect and honesty. Posting guidelines, including time-out and banning policies, have been established by the moderators of these forums. Click here for “Do I Have HIV?” posting guidelines. Click here for posting guidelines pertaining to all other POZ community forums.

  • We ask all forums members to provide references for health/medical/scientific information they provide, when it is not a personal experience being discussed. Please provide hyperlinks with full URLs or full citations of published works not available via the Internet. Additionally, all forums members must post information which are true and correct to their knowledge.

  • Product advertisement—including links; banners; editorial content; and clinical trial, study or survey participation—is strictly prohibited by forums members unless permission has been secured from POZ.

To change forums navigation language settings, click here (members only), Register now

Para cambiar sus preferencias de los foros en español, haz clic aquí (sólo miembros), Regístrate ahora

Finished Reading This? You can collapse this or any other box on this page by clicking the symbol in each box.

Author Topic: Need dating strategy advice  (Read 2919 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

Offline EvangelionFann55

  • New Member
  • Posts: 1
Need dating strategy advice
« on: August 09, 2017, 07:50:13 pm »
Hey everybody, thanks for reading! I've been wanting to join a functional HIV forum to talk to other people dealing with the same issues I am, but held off because I was afraid it would be depressing. Well I've been very depressed for a while so why not give it a shot anyway.

I'm a gay man, 32 years old, pretty good looking and in good shape, but as lonely as I think its possible to be, and very depressed. The major conflict in my life, which I think about 24/7, is my loneliness. I'm terrified to date, and have had almost no love life to speak of. I had a long term boyfriend for 5 years, but that was a toxic relationship, and aside form him I've had no other relationships. I'm desperate to be with someone, but I don't know how to find guys to date, and when I meet a guy on ok cupid or Grindr and they actually want to go on a date with me, I feel so hopeless and anxious that I usually cancel. I have to deal with my anxiety, but I don't know what to do and I'm frozen.

Any advice would be so much appreciated. I'm about ready to just throw in the towel and accept a life of solitude and despair  :-/

Offline Ptrk3

  • Global Moderator
  • Member
  • Posts: 2,792
Re: Need dating strategy advice
« Reply #1 on: August 09, 2017, 07:57:41 pm »
EvangelionFann55:  I've moved your post to the "Living with HIV" forum since the "Positive Women" forum is for women.

I'm sure you will get many responses in this forum from members who feel as you do, but have gone on to forge loving relationships with understanding partners.
HIV 101 - Basics
HIV 101
You can read more about Transmission and Risks here:
HIV Transmission and Risks
You can read more about Testing here:
HIV Testing
You can read more about Treatment-as-Prevention (TasP) here:
HIV TasP
You can read more about HIV prevention here:
HIV prevention
You can read more about PEP and PrEP here
PEP and PrEP

Offline harleymc

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,477
Re: Need dating strategy advice
« Reply #2 on: August 10, 2017, 06:26:06 am »
I relieved my dating anxieties, by deciding I was going to treat dates, as a chance to have some fun.

No expectations about sex or 'is this the one'. Just a chance to go somewhere nice/ fun/ out of my routine and  maybe ( if they show up) enjoy some company.

Offline Tonny2

  • Member
  • Posts: 2,607
Re: Need dating strategy advice
« Reply #3 on: August 10, 2017, 01:53:20 pm »


         ojo       Hello there...why the anxiety?...can you tell us more about you?, like, how long have you been living with hiv, numbers, what med/s you are taking, etc...You are a young man still and have to take care of that anxiety, but you have to know why you get anxious, like the previous members mentioned, is it the expectation of sex?...I've isolated myself for a long time, no because of hiv, but because of my vision problems. I have gotten used to be alone, tho, sometimes I do feel lonely. So, try to solve your anxiety problem and go out and have fun, time will tell if there is someone for you to start a relationship...Keep trying...hugs                                               ojo

Offline GingerNerd

  • Member
  • Posts: 4
Re: Need dating strategy advice
« Reply #4 on: August 17, 2017, 07:18:39 am »
What is the main source of your anxiety?

Are you afraid about disclosing your HIV status? Are you afraid of letting someone else see your depression/anxiety? Are you afraid that your depression will cause you to disappoint potential partners?

I'm in a similar-ish situation in that I have depression, have HIV, and have had very few relationships (though my small number of relationships has been my choice, and it doesn't bother me).

I can't claim to be an expert, but some of your fears and worries can be mitigated with honesty. Do your profiles disclose your HIV status? Do they disclose your depression (or maybe shyness or something else along those lines?) When you talk to people online and arrange to meet, what kinds of expectations have been developed?

It can be scary to be up front about some of that kind of stuff, but if someone rejects you over it, you can view that as a blessing. You have a filter that helps identify people you shouldn't waste your time on. I will note, however, that there can be dangers with your degree of online openness about status that you should consider. I personally wouldn't (and don't) put my face or name or any social media account that could easily lead to those things in dating app profiles. I like to protect against the small possibility that some malicious asshole might go on those apps looking to cause trouble.

Another thing you can do is change your expectations. If you go into a date or dating-related interaction with a more casual attitude and an attainable goal or expectation, you don't have to get as nervous. If you tell yourself (and perhaps the potential date) that your goal is to meet a new person or to try something new, that can take the pressure off a bit.

 


Terms of Membership for these forums
 

© 2022 Smart + Strong. All Rights Reserved.   terms of use and your privacy
Smart + Strong® is a registered trademark of CDM Publishing, LLC.