POZ Community Forums
Meds, Mind, Body & Benefits => Mental Health & HIV => Topic started by: jesswebb25 on January 08, 2011, 02:42:42 am
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In the past three years I was going through depression and denial. I basically wanted to kill myself, So I was acting like I didn't have anything, when the truth is I am HIV Positive. I was in so much denial that I started to actually believe it myself. So what made me go through this was the stigma that some of my closest friends and even relatives would put on me. I was only 23 at that time for someone that young it can have a big affect on the mind.
I was really careful on who I shared my status with, when I thought it was OK to tell someone say my family, they would look at me in this disgusted way, like all they would see was HIV across my head or they wouldn't won't there children around me when I absolutely loved and adored my little cousins. That put a lot on me too. The last person the really just set me off and literally push over the edge was a friend of my moms. Well first off I never met my Biological father so my mom friends was kinda like a father to me he's known me since I was like 3 years, I always looked up to him in that way. So the last thing he told me which is what really push me over the edge was that " I'm imbecile, I'm not normal, and shouldn't be munching off of people" that's what he told me through a voice mail on my phone. That's what set me off, so I couldn't take it anymore.
I basically lied to who his now my fiancee for three years, and he studied the medical field as well, so did he know, it's that every time he tried to come front me but I would just Deni it. I Deni it so much that I did started to believe it myself.
So I recently just had scare which what made broke free from my depression and denial. I was recently hospitalize with pneumocystis pneumonia. Who actually saved my life was my fiancee he's been completely supportive and really great on giving me therapy talks. now good thing is that I am doing a lot better now. A lot of therapy talks, and getting back on my meds.
So I just want now if there anybody else that went through the same thing or some what similar