POZ Community Forums
Main Forums => Living With HIV => Topic started by: klouny on August 08, 2011, 10:51:21 pm
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. ...sigh *
I've exhausted all of my usual forms of coping and trying to feel better. so just thought perhaps venting on here would help.
I just recently moved away from home, first time on my own ( not living with a family member, but with a good friend ). I thought this would be a good chance for me to learn how to live on my own, be more independent, and in a way make myself and my family proud.
I moved to Arkansas ( a state my friend requested ); the state is beautiful, and I enjoy my friend's company. . . but it just feels like a made a huge mistake. I was initially going to leave home on good terms, but after some family problems ( mainly with my stepfather ) it now feels like I was kicked out. and my family are still battling it out while I'm gone. I miss them, but I don't have the guts to tell them.
I was supposed to move here and begin classes this coming semester ( starting August 30Th ), but I don't think that will happen, mainly because I haven't had the chance to do all my transferring things done. . . I've spent countless nights awake and depressed. . . I'm feeling bad because I feel like I'm ignoring my health. . and other things I don't have the guts to mention on here. . . .
* sigh*
so I thought I'd resort to something I truly enjoyed about my senior year in high school; which was a pact my mom and I had. that I would wear, and look however I wanted. so long as I buckled down and look more " mature and professional" after high school. so. . . in a good old OHS Kowboy spirit ( <-- my high school )
I dyed my hair Blue :D
Just needed to vent. . .
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Hi Klouny . I wish I knew the magic words to make you feel better but all I have is a similar story to share but mine took place over 30 years ago .
Your story reminded me of when I first moved out on my own . I couldn't wait to move into my first apartment but what I remember most about that first few months was crying like a baby and feeling all alone and broke because I never had so many bills to pay ... not to mention being a little hungry until I learned to cook . I think I had high expectations but the reality of independence took some getting used to . Things did work out and I had a blast in my own place after that adjustment period .
I hope things get better for you , keep us informed and thanks for the memories .
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ha yep me too. i hated it when i moved out. i couldnt wait to be on my own. moved in with a friend i didnt know well. ended up hating him right away. it took me no time to realize how expensive it was on ones own. all the things i took for granted at my parents house, i now had to pay for. toothpaste,tissues,toilet paper,contact cleaner,food,cable etc.
it was terrible culture shock.i moved from a nice house to a shit hole apt with an asshole roommate. i bought my mom a dozen roses and begged her to let me come back home. she said no it was time for me to be on my own. (later on in years she told me that was the hardest thing she ever did but new it was the right thing to do,she was right)
but eventually i got used to the change and the roomate moved out and it got to be awesome living on my own. couldnt even stand to go away with my parents after living on my own.hahahaha
your so lucky your young and have your whole life ahead of you. you can do and be anything you want to be.you can live anywhere you want to. embrace this freedom!
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Hey Klouny,
What you are experiencing is normal ---completely normal. This is your first move. I've had more than 20 addresses and particularly when you move out of state, getting blue (not hair) or depressed is common within the first six weeks. Change brings it on -- plus you've got the whammy of family upheaval in your absence.
Do yourself a favor. Go slowly. Go to the nearest grocery store---get familiar with the aisles and products, do they have a nearby bakery. Get your bearings. You'll come around. But, one important thing. Reads as if you do need to pick up the phone and call the school -- find out what's going on and if you can salvage getting in by 8-27. MOST schools want students and will do things to accommodate them and they know you're young and don't handle paperwork everyday. I hope to read a post from you that says you're in.
I love the fact that you dyed your hair blue. I think colored hair is great! I don't have the guts to do it -- but some day, I think I'm just going to bleach a large swath and go through a week of each of the bold colors and get it out of my system.
Em
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:)
thanks to those of you that replied. made me feel a whole lot better.
I know that what I'm feeling is probably normal for someone my age who's moving out
for the first time, and eventually I'll of this will get better.
as far as the school goes, I have to do a letter for the dean of the school since I'm a transfer student.
so I'm super nervous about that, but I got one done. also my college in florida still hasn't sent my transcripts.
which is slowing things down for me here with registration. but I'll be pushing to start this semester.
btw Em. I've had my hair almost every color of the rainbow. from blue, red, purple, even white for two days :P
just felt like I needed a little reminder of the good times.
I'm hoping to update this post saying I was able to get into school this semester sometime soon.
thanks again for your stories and supports guys. it was super helpful, and made me feel 110% better
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Why would you want to go home to a battling family?
Do the transfer stuff now!, and go to college, where you will meet more people and become part of a new community. That's exciting.
Why can't you tell your family you miss them?!!! That's sweet, so just tell them. That doesn't mean you have to go back there to live. You are in the new place to do something new. You can always call home once a week, sounds about right, and go visit too.
If you are not habitually a late night person, better to nip this current vampire trend in the bud. Get up early and go do something in your new town. Maybe get a morning job?
Now finally you got us "mature" types interested to know the "other things" you don't have the guts to talk about here, but are worrying you. Spill.
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:)
thanks to those of you that replied. made me feel a whole lot better.
I know that what I'm feeling is probably normal for someone my age who's moving out
for the first time, and eventually I'll of this will get better.
as far as the school goes, I have to do a letter for the dean of the school since I'm a transfer student.
so I'm super nervous about that, but I got one done. also my college in florida still hasn't sent my transcripts.
which is slowing things down for me here with registration. but I'll be pushing to start this semester.
btw Em. I've had my hair almost every color of the rainbow. from blue, red, purple, even white for two days :P
just felt like I needed a little reminder of the good times.
I'm hoping to update this post saying I was able to get into school this semester sometime soon.
thanks again for your stories and supports guys. it was super helpful, and made me feel 110% better
Hi K,
Great post! Good news! Glad you're feeling better. Can you call the Florida school's admissions office directly to ask the status of the transcripts? I would imagine they could send via fax or e-mail .pdfs to expedite the process. They get calls like this all the time.
You may be unique, but a post-move funk is something you may experience in the future as well. It's a natural reaction. Worth noting cause when you're headlong in a downer it's easy to lose perspective as to what got you there.
I think I'm headed toward colored hair -- building up the nerve to do it despite working in a conservative environment. I have colored clipins -- but that ain't the real deal and I never wear them to work. I digress.
So, this was a good uplifting thread to read during a somber week of loss in the forum family, our armed forces, the investment spheres, and most tragic, Somalia.
Em
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Why can't you tell your family you miss them?!!! That's sweet, so just tell them.
\
lol It might be sweet, but it would be totally out of character for me. I can't express myself like that so openly, even with family and long time friends. most of them know that and don't expect it. but I do plan on talking to family on the phone and telling them how I'm doing and eventually visiting
as for the other things bugging me. . . they are mostly having to deal with other people's emotions and my own at the moment. not sure ya'll want to hear all those " gushy-gushy" details
Em, I have called them and they said my transcript have been sent, but I haven't received anything from the school. and transcripts can't be faxed ( from what they told me ) they need to be sent by mail.
I know this post-move funk is probably normal, which is why I'm trying to stay outdoors as much as I can. finding a job, getting school things ready, getting medical help here, and just looking around. arkansas is GORGEOUS, I live close-close to the Ozark mountains and I'm still speechless at how green and pretty things here are.
hopefully I can bring about more good news later in the month. I had a job interview today and it went pretty decent, the HR person was super nice. so I'm crossing my fingers I get this job. and I'm also super happy, a long time friend of mine is back in the states. she's my navy-girl, and she's back and safe from deployment. so I"m super-super happy hearing from her.
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We are gonna need a picture of the blue hair darling.
-WIll
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I'm gonna experiment a little more with my hair first. that blue color faded WAY too quickly. and I have to bleach my tips again and find a decent hair color brand.
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lol It might be sweet, but it would be totally out of character for me. I can't express myself like that so openly, even with family and long time friends. most of them know that and don't expect it.
You post sounded much more up. Bravo.
Oh, and grow up and tell the people you love you miss them. Everyone will feel better all around.
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The school is right, transcripts cannot be faxed, almost nothing coming from a school can be faxed, it's something to do with privacy laws and other people could see the papers. I assume that they are official transcripts, they have to be in a sealed envelope with the words "official transcripts", that's the only difference between official and un-official ones, two little words.
Do like Mecch says and call your family. When I moved to FL. my dad and I didn't have too good of a relationship. I talked to him or his wife once a week for most of the time I lived out of state and that seemed to help.
As a Broncos fan I have ask: did ya paint an orange stripe in your hair also? Kool aid always worked good for me as a hair color. I use clairol for my regular hair dye, although since i started taking my medicine I haven't had much luck with hair coloring staying in as long as it used to.
Good luck with the school stuff.
Michelle 8)
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although since i started taking my medicine I haven't had much luck with hair coloring staying in as long as it used to.
sorry for going OT; but just like the misquitoes seem to bite more and cause bigger welts after starting meds, I have also noticed the hair dye not lasting as long. ;)
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Michelle's right, but an unofficial transcript (which could help tide you over until the official watermarked documents arrive in their mail) can be faxed by a school and/or accessed through many college sites (if they have the service set up).
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Kool aid always worked good for me as a hair color. I use clairol for my regular hair dye, although since i started taking my medicine I haven't had much luck with hair coloring staying in as long as it used to.
awesome trick, never thought of using kool-aid like that, but I guess it would act more like a " stain " and not a dye and last less time? but it's hard for me because I have really dark brown hair and it's " virgin" right now, so it's taking a while to take out my natural color, so the dye isn't sticking in. but the more I use the same color the more it should stick in I think.
my troubles are with cool hair colors, they either change or fade quicker. warmer colors stick longer, but I don't like warmer colors that much :(
except when my hair was orange and red
as far as the school thing, I NEED those official transcripts. I asked about using the unofficial ones, and they said it was a no go. since I need to see which of my credits will transfer and which won't. but hopefully it will get here this week. otherwise I told the school to send a copy to my aunt and one to my sister, and they can send over-night through fedex or whatever.
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I have also noticed the hair dye not lasting as long. ;)
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Nice 'n' Easy, Leather?
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well got me some good/bad news. . . well, it's more so-so news
anyways. I called the postal services because I haven't recieved any mail at my new address
even though I had made it so that my mail would start being forwarded here starting July 20th.
and still nothing, that includes my school transcripts :(
but I called the college I want to go too. and they said that I could begin my registration since
they have my FAFSA ( financial aid ) info. and that I could talk to the dean ( since I'm a transfer student
I have to do so ).
but hopefully I can get my transcripts by the end of this week, or monday. that would speed things up for me.
the post office customer service lady told me to wait two more days then call again. . . how frustrating
for some reason it feels like they're not taking me seriously cause I sound young on the phone
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That's good news from the registrar's office!