where to start?

[sincerelyscared]

Hard not to jump to conclusions, but appreciate that this is why this forum is here.  Glad to see that there is real balance here as well when it comes to feedback.

Ok...

I'm scared out of my mind.  I'm an idiot.  I have it all and I've chanced it due to some serious psycho issues when it comes to sex addiction.  Have visited sex workers repeatedly for the last couple of years.  Have always used a condom for all penetration, and been very careful, but have just remembered that it got out of control one night and in the midst of the action in a bar, I actually let a girl slide on my stick about 2 months ago... I don't exactly remember when, I was so drunk.  I'm not making excuses, I just really don't know when.

I now have a single lesion about an inch away from the base of my penis that has been festering for nearly a week.  Fever - past 5 days - bounces around, high of 102.5 but floats at about 99.8, dropped to 98 now and again.  Mouth ulcers at the back and side of my tongue.  Lymph nodes swollen, painful to swallow.  Loss of appetite - but have been having something small for bfast and dinner. 

Will go tomorrow for a HIV test, but have been on penicillin for the past two days as when I saw the doc, he said that it probably was syphillis and, why didn't I ask for a HIV test - I was sacred and frankly, I wasn't even thinking about HIV.  Why?  Like I've seen here in the feedback - I had ALWAYS used a condom and they never have broken.  And that one single freaking time of not being protected, as described above, only came to mind yesterday.  I'm such a freaking idiot.  I have it all.  Amazing career.  Amazing best-friend wife.  Amazing small child.  Let the flames come...

I have had two sleepless nights and I am actually feeling like I could be happy to be diagnosed as long as my beautiful, wonderful wife isn't infected.  The child is not at risk.  I'm an incredibly bad type-A personality, as I need to be in control.  So, with this, I have done nothing but work through EVERY SINGLE scenario.  Maybe I need to take the rest to another thread.  But if I've given this to my wife, I need to know now, has anyone, anyone figured out how to make it work?  She isn't strong - she's sweet - and I am so scared that she'll implode.  The last two nights have been sleepless.  I have already sworn off of alcohol, off of late night dinners with colleagues, etc..etc.. and most of all, totally interested in entering therapy.  I don't care about what changes I need to make - I WILL MAKE THEM.  I accept responsibility.  But I would really appreciate if anyone can tell me that they've seen it work...  that someone has pulled it out of the fire... that the couple has managed to stay together and battle it together...after the guy, who's been leading a totally 2nd life (and I mean totally, nobody knows me or would recognise me when I cheat, I'm nothing like myself), screws it up and not only is his infidelity but the transmission of HIV is what smacks his college sweetheart and now wife of 9+ years, out of left field.

If this turns bad... I will rot with the worst of them.  I am scared out of my mind.

[Ann]

Sin,

You need to stop putting the cart before the horse. STIs like herpes and syphilis are MUCH more easily transmitted than hiv. I hope the doctor took swabs and blood test to confirm or rule out syphillis, instead of just blindly treating you. If the lesion on your penis is painful, it's more likely to be herpes. He should have done a full STI panel on you, not just throw antibiotics at you.

As far as hiv goes, you're not very likely to become infected from such a one-time, brief encounter. Hiv is a fragile, difficult to transmit virus and more so from a woman to a man.

An hiv test tomorrow will give you a very good indication of your status, as the vast majority of people will seroconvert and test positive by six weeks, with the average time to seroconversion being only 22 days. A six week (or more) negative result is highly unlikely to change, but must be confirmed at the three month point. Only a three month test is conclusive.

If you haven't already had a complete STI screen, you need to have that done as well.

Ann

[sincerelyscared]

Understood.  The horse vs. cart thing is something I do because I analyse things for a living.  It doesn't necessarily mean I lock into something and put blinders on, I just like to work with matrices and all the possibilities... if I can map and account for the worst, then everything else that goes right, turns out to be upside.  You might think that's a waste of time, but it just is a different way to live.  And one might say, that it's foolish, excessive or manic but I enjoy the fact that once I've broken everything down - even when I haven't had to - and I know that no matter what happens, I've got a plan and a read on where I'm headed.  Some wait to cross bridges, I like to design them.  I'm not chest beating either and thanks again - most of all I'm not trying to be a burden.  You guys run a tight ship here.  Kudos - very impressive.

The doc took a swab and my follow up is tomorrow.  He's left a voicemail saying that he's got the results and "they aren't exciting or urgent".  I was asleep.  He's pretty laid back and I hope he did a full STI panel - I wasn't exactly a great patient and didn't ask what he'd test for - I was still gaming this... like I said, I have some therapy ahead... but yeah, we'll see tomorrow.  He threw the antibiotics at me and the lesion (not on the shaft but in the pubic area) is still festering but has gone from being super painful and tender to being itchy.  Hoping that my grandmother's rule of thumb is that it's healing.  So, yes, the lesion was painful but was singular and doc was of the opinion that Herpes was usually clusters - but of course there are variations.  I hope that he hasn't just only done a syphillis test and it's come back negative.

Will keep you posted if necessary.

[Ann]

sin,

Syphilis lesions are painless, so it's highly unlikely to be that if the lesion was "super painful". That and the itching are hallmarks of herpes. It's also common for a fever to accompany a primary herpes outbreak. While herpes sometimes manifest in clusters, it's not uncommon for only one blister to be present. I know, I have herpes myself.

Keep us posted if you wish, but just make sure you've had a full STI panel, including an hiv test.

Ann