Relatives and friends with hard times

[Esquare]

and I have to go on acting all cool like I'm glad that I'm healthy. We have a couple of family members that were recently diagnosed with cancer and another potentially deadly condition. Of course this being the holidays I'm talking to my family more often and hearing about it quite a bit. It has been strange talking to my mother about a relative's condition that is also young like me and how hard it is on his family that they don't know if he will live much longer or not. Meanwhile I'm sitting here newly diagnosed HIV positive, on meds and could use the support network. She says things like he may never be the same again and how she can only imagine how she would feel if this happened to me. Well if it was anything else I would surely tell my mother but since its HIV/AIDS I'm undercover. It is just a really tough situation to deal with but my wife and I chose not to disclose because of the way southerners view this disease. I guess we will get used to it. Its crazy that me and the guy I grew up with both have life threatening news to deal with at such a young age when everyone thought we both had great lives and were doing so well. He has his family surrounding him offering as much support as he needs and I'm here in my little cave. My wife was joking how everyone sort of acts like we are living the high life so we must be doing a good job fooling them.

I'm just venting. I'm not jealous of him or the other relative, that's just the way it is. I pray for their well-being and hope they make it through their upcoming treatments and surgeries. Also, sorry to speak with code but thanks to this cruel world I have to be as anonymous as possible. Damn.

[Eldon]

Hello Esquare,

Sincere positive thoughts and prayers are sent to you and your family. Hold on tight and stay strong.


Make the BEST of each Day!

[IzPoz]

Esquare,

First, you should be happy that you are healthy.  Just because you have HIV doesn't mean you aren't healthy

The only way to gain their support is to ask them.  However, you have chosen to not disclose to your family.   Your choice, by all means.  Therefore you can't be upset by not receiving their support if they don't know they are being asked.

Be there for your family members.  You can either choose to help them during their time of need, or you can stay on the sideline so that you can cope with your own acceptance.

Stay strong.  You will know what to do when the time comes.

Good luck.

[Ann]

Hi Esquare,

I can empathise. If I'm reading you correctly, you dearly wish to tell your family, but you don't want to add to their burden right now. But put yourself in their shoes, if the tables were turned and one of them had just been diagnosed, would you thank them for not telling you just because another family member also is dealing with illness? I know I wouldn't. I think I would feel like you were underestimating my capacity for love and compassion and my ability to offer you support.

Would it be possible for you to compromise? Think about if there is one family member you could take into your confidence. I think you owe it to yourself to allow yourself some family support. Don't deny your loved ones a chance to be there for you and show you their love for you - even if you only start with one trusted person.

Good luck with whatever you decide. I hope things improve for not only you, but also for the people in your life who are also struggling at this time.

Ann

[anniebc]

Hi there

Everything Ann said..word for word.

I only have one thing to add and that is I know you are concerned about your family members who are sick and their need for support..but just remember their health and need for support Do not makes yours any less important, please keep that in mind.

Hugs
Jan

[woodshere]

Esquare, I hope Ann's words help you deal with your situation as they have spoken to me and I am going to follow them.
Woods

[tsw923]

Esquare,

I really understand what you are saying.  I find myself in a similar situation.  I say I have to agree with Ann.  You are trying to be less of a burden on your family and possibly avoid some of the stigma what you think they may place on you.  But at the same time you are kind of making yourself and your needs less important. 

Whatever you decide to do about disclosure, we will be around to support you. If you haven't already, you might want to read Jeromy's letter in a different thread.  He gave it to his family so that they could understand what is happening and has thoughtfully posted it so that we can use it it to help us.

TSW

[skeebo1969]

   Esquare I feel you man...  especially with the moms!  I like the advice given by Ann and the others here.

  Goodluck to you !

  Thomas