Getting older (not just meant for Jan)

[Jody]

 SERENITY 

Just before the funeral services,
the undertaker came up to the very elderly widow and asked,
'How old was your husband?'
'98,' she replied, 'Two years older than me'
'So you're 96,' the undertaker commented.
She responded , 'Hardly worth going home, is it?

Reporter interviewing a 104-year-old woman:
'And what do you think is the best thing about being 104?' the reporter asked.
She simply replied, 'No peer pressure.'

The nice thing about being senile is you can hide your own Easter eggs.

I've sure gotten old! I've had two bypass surgeries, a hip replacement,
New knees, fought prostate cancer and diabetes.
I'm half blind,
Can't hear anything quieter than a jet engine,
Take 40 different medications that
Make me dizzy, winded, and subject to blackouts.
Have bouts with dementia ..
Have poor circulation;
Hardly feel my hands and feet anymore.
Can't remember if I'm 89 or 98.
Have lost all my friends. But, thank God,
I still have my driver's license.


I feel like my body has gotten totally out of shape,
So I got my doctor's permission to
Join a fitness club and start exercising.
I decided to take an aerobics class for seniors.
I bent, twisted, gyrated, jumped up and down, and perspired for an hour..
But, by the time I got my leotards on, The class was over.

My memory's not as sharp as it used to be.
Also, my memory's not as sharp as it used to be.

Know how to prevent sagging? Just eat till the wrinkles fill out.

It's scary when you start making the same noises as your coffee maker.

These days about half the stuff in my shopping cart says,
“For fast relief”


THE SENILITY PRAYER :
Grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked anyway,
The good fortune to run into the ones I do,
and the eyesight to tell the difference..


Now, I think you're supposed to share this with 5 or 6, maybe 10 others.. Oh heck, give it to a bunch of your friends if you can remember who they are!


Always Remember This:
You don't stop laughing because you grow old,

You grow old because you stop laughing!!!


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[skeebo1969]

  LOL very funny.

  Thanks Jody

[GSOgymrat]

THE SENILITY PRAYER :
Grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked anyway,
The good fortune to run into the ones I do,
and the eyesight to tell the difference..

I had not heard that one before. Good one!

[leatherman]

THE SENILITY PRAYER

and 

Can't remember if I'm 89 or 98.
Have lost all my friends. But, thank God,
I still have my driver's license.

my grandmother turns 93 this summer and still drives - drives better than her daughter does (my mom) who's only 66. Nana, driving much more like me, the ex-courier, is a speed demon too. 

[WillyWump]

and  
my grandmother turns 93 this summer and still drives - drives better than her daughter does (my mom) who's only 66. Nana, driving much more like me, the ex-courier, is a speed demon too.  

We had to take the keys away from my Gran because she kept getting lost. Well that didnt stop her, she just had new keys made and off she went, lost again. So we took her car away from her, well that didnt stop her, she hoofed it down to the corner and bought another car, and off she went got lost again. so we finally put her in a lock-down care facility...yep, she broke out and took off on foot with her bag of "stuff". Thank God we found her. Poor Gran, It's hell getting old.

Jody, those were hillarious, thanks for the laugh.

-Will

[leatherman]

Poor Gran, It's hell getting old.

My great-great grandmother lived to 95; my great grandmother to 99. Grandmother is only showing a few signs of slowing down now that her other 7 sibs passed away (all in their mid to late 90s).

There I was thinking I was going to be checking out by 40; but now I've lived to almost be 48 and for the first time had a health problem that wasn't HIV-related. The doc told me the slight decrease in my vision acuity is simply old age taking it's toll. Egads! since I seem to get a lot of genes from that side of the family, the meds seem to be working pretty good finally after all these years, and a whole host of other things haven't killed me yet, I guess there's a chance I could possibly be hanging around a lot, lot longer. I guess that's okay too. It's not like I was going to die young and beautiful back when I was 34 suffering from that wasting syndrome and PCP. 

[BT65]

We had to take the keys away from my Gran because she kept getting lost. Well that didnt stop her, she just had new keys made and off she went, lost again. So we took her car away from her, well that didnt stop her, she hoofed it down to the corner and bought another car, and off she went got lost again. so we finally put her in a lock-down care facility...yep, she broke out and took off on foot with her bag of "stuff". Thank God we found her. Poor Gran, It's hell getting old.

That's not supposed to be funny I know, but I did laugh when done reading.  Gran sure was a trooper.

[Ann]

Jody, you're a cheeky young man and Jan is gonna give you a spanking!

I loved the Senility Prayer too. Gonna print that one off and put it on the fridge.

[Matty the Damned]

The Senility Prayer is a winner.

I think I'm gonna have it fashioned into a Mezzuzah.

MtD

[bear60]

I turn 66 this year.  Last time I was in to my ID doctor he had the nerve to say that if I lost weight maybe I would have some wrinkles. I didnt laugh at the time.  Cause the docs are trying to get me to loose weight.
But it is funny.

[Ann]

I turn 66 this year.  Last time I was in to my ID doctor he had the nerve to say that if I lost weight maybe I would have some wrinkles. I didnt laugh at the time.  Cause the docs are trying to get me to loose weight.
But it is funny.

FFS Joel, I knew you were older than me, but I didn't realise you were ancient.




Aw, love you anyway!

[bear60]

Ann
You are too kind.
Not only am I turning 66 but I have also just retired...officially...as I will be collecting my retirement benefits fron Social Security starting this month.  Yea....now my health care is paid for.  I was self employed and for the past 35 years I have been buying my own health insurance.  It got to be awfully expensive in the last few years.  Now I can let my retirement benefits pay it.
Hugs
Joel

[leatherman]

Not only am I turning 66

yes you are since you're on the bday list 
your name will show up in the April annoucement

hugs,
mikie
(who keeps his eyes open for people mentioning their bday now that he's responsible for the list. Alan did such a good job though, it's all mainly just dble-checking on my part.)

[Ann]

Not only am I turning 66 but I have also just retired...officially...as I will be collecting my retirement benefits fron Social Security starting this month.  Yea....now my health care is paid for. 

Hey Joel, I really hope you enjoy your retirement. Goodness knows you've earned it!

Hugs etc......