How can I help my son?

[hysmom]

My son who's in his early twenties tested positive two days ago. He already suffers from depression and since his results has totally shut down and won't talk with anyone.I have tried several times to talk to him just so he will know I'm here and I'm not ever going anywhere. I just want to know if anyone can give me some suggestions on how I should approach the situation. I don't want to push him over the edge. I only want to reassure him this changes nothing's in the way of my love for him and our relationship. I made him a doctors appointment so he can get his labs done and start treatment but I am afraid he won't go with. Any insight will be much appreciated.

Thanks in advance,
Hysmom

[Ptrk3]

I'm sorry that your son has tested positive for HIV antibodies and that you are struggling on how best to provide him the support he needs. Rest assured, your being there for him now and telling him so does matter a lot to him, so continue to give him that love and support.

He will need to work through some of this himself, so he may need some time and room to come to terms with the new journey now before him.  But do watch for his depression and try to make sure he does not isolate for long, after his initial grieving period.  Do encourage him to seek additional counseling, since he also deals with depression. Check to see if there are support groups available to him.  Let him know about forums such as this one, which he can join for support and enlightenment.  Learn as much as you can about living with HIV yourself, so that you can be a resource for him.

Of course, you are also right to make sure he makes the appropriate appointment with medical professionals to get him on the correct antiretroviral regimen to bring his viral load to undetectable and to assure that his CD4's remain strong.

These things take time.  This is a first for you, too.  Keep assuring him that he can and will live a long and healthy life if adherent to his medical regimen and that there's no reason that he can not achieve his goals and dreams.

My thoughts are with you and your son.  I wish you the very best.

Please keep us informed of your ongoing progress.

[harleymc]

Hi hysmom,
lovely to hear from you.

It's threatening when someone we love is in a crisis. So make sure you do things that nurture yourself during this time. Having something else happening helps de-stress communication.

I'm sure your son will be ok in the longer term, it's just a big mental adjustment.
A counselor/ psychologist can be a help at this time, as it's really easy for there to be a lot of stigma being internalised. If you can't afford one, then HIV service organisations can often supply or refer to counseling at no cost or low cost.

I don't know how your relationship is, not my business to pry, but it might be worth offering to go with him to the medical centre, not not the actual appointment, but just to sit in the waiting room. I don't know if that offer would be seen as positive or negative, just putting it out there.

Big hugs to you and your son.

[hysmom]

Thank you both so much for your suggestions and kind words. He started treatment yesterday and he did allow me to tag along for his appt. We have also set up an appt  for him to see a counselor. I will continue to educate myself and support always 100%. Thanks again. Reading the responses really assured me of the light at the end of the tunnel. Though we will have bad days there a plenty good days to come. 😊

[mecch]

Hi there. I hope he joins this forum.  This forum really helped me naturalise the diagnosis and new normal of being HIV+.   Of course it was 10 ish years ago and the forum was a lot more active back then, but I still think it could be very useful for someone like your son - he can just read around threads and ask questions, etc.

[harleymc]

Hysmom, 

Glad to hear from you again. First hurdle cleared. YAY

It gets better and better from here on in.

The great news is your son wants to live, he wants to thrive and he has the means and support to do exactly that.

Have you got good insurance or is your son on some sort of assistance plan to help with medication costs?

Take a bit of time out and do something fabulous for yourself.

HUGS

[hysmom]

Hello everyone,

I haven't suggested joining the forum as of yet. I plan to add it to one of our conversations really soon. He saw a counselor today and that went well. He has good insurance.We are looking into adding a secondary insurance solely for him as he is still under our insurance as of now. We had no idea the cost for meds were this expensive. We're waiting for his first round of labs to come back. I must say having this forum is truly a blessing. I will be back with updates.

You all enjoy your wknd and thanks again for everything. 😊

[Jim Allen]

Hi

On the costs of medication, the system where you are is very different from where i live, however it might be worth checking this page as could have some relevant information for you. https://www.poz.com/basics/hiv-basics/drug-assistance-programs

So just as thought I know when people get results back the first time it can hit people pretty hard, often its a bit of a shock moment, all you can really do is be there for him if he needs you and be reassuring.

No matter what the results keep in mind the story remains the same he should expect to have to work, pay bills, pay the rent, fall in love, get married if he is into that or don't, have kids if that's his plan.  Simply put life with HIV in the scheme of things goes on as normal, and with treatment Life expectancy has reached near normal and so he should expect to live a long and productive life.

Take care

Jim

https://www.poz.com/article/life-expectancy-24972-2090

http://www.aidsmap.com/Life-expectancy-now-considerably-exceeds-the-average-in-some-people-with-HIV-in-the-US/page/2816267/
 

[Ptrk3]

Hysmom:  so you know, once he is prescribed an appropriate medication, in the United States there are "co-pay" assistance cards for many of the meds, which can easily be obtained over the phone and/or internet, which pay significant portions of the co-pay, so the final cost may be "zero" out of pocket.

Here are some examples:

https://bmsdm.secure.force.com/bms3assist/copay

https://www.gileadadvancingaccess.com/copay-coupon-card

Other co-pay programs exist, so check online with the specific medication.

[Tonny2]

       ojo      HELLO HYSMOM....I'M GLAD YOUR SON IS READY TO FIGHT THIS VIRUS, AND YOU, FIGHTING TOGETHER, THE VIRUS WON'T HAVE A CHANCE...PLEASE KEEP US POSTED, BEST OF LUCK...HUGS                                                                    OJO

[hysmom]

Good morning everyone,

My son is taking Genvoya. He sleeps a lot and his appetite is almost non existent. His spirits are up and he is now discussing his fears. Such as not having kids or being in a relationship ever again. I did tell him about this forum and all the wonderful people here. I can tell he has poked around because of some of the questions he has asked me. Hopefully he will join. I hope you all had a great weekend and a wonderful week.

Thanks for reading 😊

[Tonny2]

         ojo       hello again hysmom...i'm glad he will join us, he will feel better talking with others who are going through the same situation and also, he will learn a lot about the virus...we will take care of him. you know that my mom has been there for me since day one,, 22 years ago, and if she soen't quit, i will never quit...i'm glad, you are there for him and that you were there for him supporting and pushing him to seek help, now, he is taking a good med...best of luck and your son is lucky to have you as his mom...hugs and kisses                                                                              ojo