Welcome, Guest. Please login or register.
October 19, 2021, 06:05:45 am

Login with username, password and session length

  • Total Posts: 762010
  • Total Topics: 64699
  • Online Today: 88
  • Online Ever: 5484
  • (June 18, 2021, 11:15:29 pm)
Users Online
Users: 2
Guests: 80
Total: 82


Welcome to the POZ Community Forums, a round-the-clock discussion area for people with HIV/AIDS, their friends/family/caregivers, and others concerned about HIV/AIDS.  Click on the links below to browse our various forums; scroll down for a glance at the most recent posts; or join in the conversation yourself by registering on the left side of this page.

Privacy Warning:  Please realize that these forums are open to all, and are fully searchable via Google and other search engines. If you are HIV positive and disclose this in our forums, then it is almost the same thing as telling the whole world (or at least the World Wide Web). If this concerns you, then do not use a username or avatar that are self-identifying in any way. We do not allow the deletion of anything you post in these forums, so think before you post.

  • The information shared in these forums, by moderators and members, is designed to complement, not replace, the relationship between an individual and his/her own physician.

  • All members of these forums are, by default, not considered to be licensed medical providers. If otherwise, users must clearly define themselves as such.

  • Forums members must behave at all times with respect and honesty. Posting guidelines, including time-out and banning policies, have been established by the moderators of these forums. Click here for “Do I Have HIV?” posting guidelines. Click here for posting guidelines pertaining to all other POZ community forums.

  • We ask all forums members to provide references for health/medical/scientific information they provide, when it is not a personal experience being discussed. Please provide hyperlinks with full URLs or full citations of published works not available via the Internet. Additionally, all forums members must post information which are true and correct to their knowledge.

  • Product advertisement—including links; banners; editorial content; and clinical trial, study or survey participation—is strictly prohibited by forums members unless permission has been secured from POZ.

To change forums navigation language settings, click here (members only), Register now

Para cambiar sus preferencias de los foros en español, haz clic aquí (sólo miembros), Regístrate ahora

Finished Reading This? You can collapse this or any other box on this page by clicking the symbol in each box.

Author Topic: Sex while newly HIV positive  (Read 2677 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

Offline Gudrun

  • New Member
  • Posts: 1
Sex while newly HIV positive
« on: September 29, 2020, 04:10:49 am »
I've been positive for about 6 months now and sex has become a major source of stress for me since then. Being positive is still something that I'm still trying to accept and get used to, and it feels like every day I learn something new about myself and the virus. But anyway, lately its been getting harder and harder for me to have sex, even with my romantic partner. We're in an open relationship, so he's free to have sex with whomever, but of course he wants to have sex with me. The thing is, a lot of the time I'm genuinely just not horny, or I have other things on my mind. But lately, even when I'm the middle of having sex I just feel so uncomfortable; uncomfortable with my body, uncomfortable with my status, and then there's an added layer of insecurities where I don't feel sexy, or attractive.

Now it's getting to the point where when I have sex that I can't wait for it to be over. I've been trying to be open and honest about these feelings with my partner, and he's been receptive to them and tries to talk with me with a lot of empathy. But now we're stuck in this rut where he asks to have sex, and I don't want to, and then he talks to me about my feelings, but the thing is nothing about my situation has changed. I still don't feel good about sex or myself, and I'm unsure how to make myself feel better,

And now I'm starting to become even more anxious about having sex because he just seems to be irritated or checks out of the conversation whenever I start explaining my insecurities. And I'm starting to not be bothered talking about my feelings because I usually don't feel any better after talking to him. I'm starting to feel so much pressure to perform and in honestly I don't want to think about sex AT ALL anymore, I just want him to stop asking me about sex, and I want to stop feeling so anxious whenever topic is brought up.

Have other people experienced insecurities with their bodies and sexuality after becoming positive? I just feel like I need time to come to terms with things, but my partner isn't making it any easier. How do I explain to him that I'm still kinda grieving this whole thing? In all honestly I'm still kinda feeling that initial surreal shock, you know? like I'm still experiencing the fear and pain from when I first found out. What do I do?

Offline jayorangevii

  • Member
  • Posts: 13
Re: Sex while newly HIV positive
« Reply #1 on: September 29, 2020, 02:27:31 pm »
Hey Gurren,  I'm sorry you're feeling this way, I too had those same experiences with my partner although we aren't in an open relationship. For me it was wanting to make sure  I was UD for my own sense of security and then later it changed to just making sure we started off with condoms and worked my self up to feelingbswcure in my body, which for most people would say its unnecessary  but it helped ease my mind.

So in regards to your question I know you said you talk to your partner about your feelings and thats exactly what I did, but I made sure to always remind him that this has nothing to do with him and that I loved him, but that I needed to work on feeling good about me and that his support and not pressuring me helped me more than anything. I also told him that I had to be just as understanding that he has needs to and I can't make him feel like his sexual needs aren't important  either. We started off slow like masturbating next to eachother and him asking me whether him touching me or groping me was ok and comfortable. This allowed me to work up feeling better about myself and take my time while I was still fulfilling my partners need of wanting to be intimate and close.

Overtime that process of slow but deliberate intimate acts of touching and playing but constantly asking me if " does that feel okay" or "is it okay if I touch you there" or "let me know how I can help you" really helped me and over the course of two months we were able to work up to being fully comfortable and okay with eachother. And it made us stronger just through the understanding and consent. 

I know that doesn't work for everyone but it really helped for me and I hope you can find something that works for you as well in regards to what I wrote.
Serving Realness---JAY


Terms of Membership for these forums

© 2021 Smart + Strong. All Rights Reserved.   terms of use and your privacy
Smart + Strong® is a registered trademark of CDM Publishing, LLC.