My Behaviour on Atripla & My Relationship

[schnitzer]

Hmmm.. where should I start? My 6 month relationship is coming down like the twin towers... I know its my fault.. i've been so moody. i created insecurities between us. i keep things bottled up. don't talk.  one day i started talking about death, life espectancy.. strange thoughts.. erratic behavour, flirtatious behavour, money things.. worrying about selling my condo. my living situation, things about my partner that bother me. every day is an up or down for me. its driving my partner nuts.. till one day after a fight he says he can't do it nomore.

I know i'm young at the relationship game. I never had anything lasting longer than 1 year. Is my behaviour contributed by Sutiva or is this all me??

my biggest problem is not communicating. I find it very hard to open up to people. I'm afrade that someone might take what they know and publisize it. i have a very jaded past. from being infected to having someone commit suicide over a breakup..

My partner breaks it off and tells me to take time and go find myself.  We talk about it more and he says "I'll think about it" ... What does that mean?? Does it mean he never wants to work things out?
Why can't it be a simple YES or NO?  All this anxiety is killing me.. We still talk through TEXT messaging and I'm getting panic attics wondering how soon he will respond.  being dumped and all this breakup blues INTENSIFIED by Sustiva...  Sigh...........  He also suggest I seek counselling...

Who is to blame? Sustiva or Myself? Should I change my meds? Or maybe recognize it and deal with it?

[mecch]

You ask a lot of questions.
Well, sorry about your break-up.
Don't take this all on yourself or think it is your fault. If the ex or semi-ex or whatever he is, is only communicating intermittently to you via text messages, it means he can't deal with something. It needn't be either your behaviour or your being HIV+, in fact, you may never know unless he can honestly and calmly explain his distance, himself, what it is he can't deal with. Its his problem in the end. BUt its your pain to be dumped.
You are experiencing A LOT of stress and hard questions about your life and livelihood (money) and that is all normal.  If you started talking about these issues, it means you do NOT keep it bottled up.

Notice that your ex or semi-ex chose that moment not to deal so, eventually, hopefully, you can see good riddance he is gone, if he can't deal with reality.

It's true, however, that getting a counselor seems like a good idea.

You'll find Mr. Right who loves you no matter what, and yes, keep communicating its very important.

[Ann]

schnitzer, did you have trouble communicating BEFORE you took Sustiva? If the answer is yes, then don't beat yourself up, just go find yourself some counseling so you can get to the bottom of your communication problems.

If the communication problems only came into being after you started taking Sustiva, and you also have depression/anxiety issues that started or got worse after Sustiva, then perhaps it's time to speak to your doctor about trying another combo.

Ann

[OneMoreGuy]

In your question, you share the following:

"I know i'm young at the relationship game. I never had anything lasting longer than 1 year..."

"my biggest problem is not communicating. I find it very hard to open up to people. I'm afrade that someone might take what they know and publisize it. i have a very jaded past. from being infected to having someone commit suicide over a breakup.."

The first step to solving a problem, is realizing there is a problem. You already seem to know that you find it difficult to communicate and to trust. There is no one to blame here. But you do need to seek counseling to help you with your trust and communication issues, and to see if medication can help you control your anxieties.

Ann has given you good advice above. I do understand that you have a boyfriend issue at hand to deal with, but it would be difficult for anyone here to be able to truly give you good advice as to what to do without knowing more about the whole situation. So, if you can, try to find a therapist near you who will help you get through this painful time and unto a place where you feel happier with yourself.

Best wishes.