POZ Community Forums
Main Forums => Someone I Care About Has HIV => Topic started by: Tjlance1 on February 18, 2011, 10:15:42 pm
-
Why did it happen to me? No, I am not talking about contracting HIV. I am 42 and negative. I am talking about the most wonderful person who came into my life just when everything was falling apart. My dream business that I had built from nothing became victim of the economy, my 19 year relationship came to an end, I had to take a dead end job, almost unsurmountable debt hanging over me and a growing sexual behavior that was going to lead to disaster. But yet through it all, this incredible person came into my life and was able to see beyond my most unattractive situation and saw me for me.
This person accepts me for who I am, this person inspired and motivated me to turn my life around. It is a daily task, small steps but important steps. I have found a new energy and desire to be more than I am, not just for me but for both of us. The "I love you" words have not been spoken yet, but it is there, we both know it. In time those words will come and will have more meaning than I can possibly imagine.
He doesn't think he is hot, I do. He thinks he's boring, I don't. At times, he still punishes himself for the mistakes of his past, he needn't, it's the past, this is today. There are times that I cannot look at him, the emotions I feel for him are overwhelming. I don't want him to see me that vulnerable; for now. It sounds corny, but as soon as I lay my head on his chest when we are lying in bed, I fall asleep. It's my "spot", it's for no one else but me. He tells his mom that I take care of him because I make us dinner or clean up his house, maybe its just the simple act of me making sure he has his water on the nightstand, but whatever it is, and if it truly is that I take care f him, then It brings me joy to do it.
And this incredible person is HIV Positive. So again, I ask, wht did it happen to me? Because it was meant to happen. I have no control over his status, I can't take away or provide a cure for the silent invader that is lurking somewhere in his body just as I can't control the fact that of all the people in this world, he is the one who came into my life. I can only accept this and appreciate all of our time together. I live for the day , he taught me that. I want to be a better person, he helps me to achieve that. I can now laugh at myself, I can only say "thank you" to him for that. It's made a world of difference in how I look at myself, how I feel about myself. We have a long road ahead of us, but we travel that road together. I don't feel so alone now, I don't feel as afraid as I used to.
Why did it happen to me?
-
TJ,
If you're HIV negative you're not permitted to post in Living With. You should post in Someone I Care About Has HIV (http://forums.poz.com/index.php?board=17.0).
I'm sure a moderator will move this thread for you.
MtD
-
TJ,
If you're HIV negative you're not permitted to post in Living With. You should post in Someone I Care About Has HIV (http://forums.poz.com/index.php?board=17.0).
I'm sure a moderator will move this thread for you.
MtD
The mods need to change the info on the link to Living. It still says for people HIV+ and their friends and family. I think that causes a lot of confusion.
-
I have no control over his status,....
Hi,
I assume you know that, under the condition that he can secure access to them, modern meds do contain (control) the F**g virus.
Why did it happen to you ? Well ... the good news is that it seems you are the best thing that may have happenned to him too!!!
Good Luck Eric
-
Why did it happen to me?
Who knows...maybe it was just time that something good to happen in your life..and it sure sounds like that happened..enjoy it... ;)
Jan
-
Why did it happen to me?
Another way to ask this, would be: Why did it take so damn long, for me to find true love? Fate is neither good or bad, it just is and when it presents you with the opportunity of a lifetime, you grab on with both hands. It sounds like you are developing a meaningful relationship and to me, both of you are getting just what you deserve. Love comes from loving yourself first and then to loving others. Good things do happen to good people, so grab on and hold tight.