POZ Community Forums
Meds, Mind, Body & Benefits => Mental Health & HIV => Topic started by: Callaway on May 18, 2019, 12:04:02 am
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My partners and I have been + since 2011 and together since 2008. These past couple of years he's been spiraling downhill progressively worse over the years. He's diabetic and has gained 30 - 40 lbs; won't go to counseling as does not feel it is helpful (he has gone in the past a few time); no motivation; all he does is work, sleep, eat (in excess - especially sweets) and lies in bed on internet/movies; there's zero sex and minimal intimacy in our relationship; he is on antidepressant medication and won't go back to the psychiatrist to 'tweek' them....frankly I'm getting tired and worn out with this situation. I try to be supportive and encouraging however I'm getting to the end of my rope as well! I too have been for counselling but find it difficult to walk away; however difficult to stay as well. Ideas and thoughts appreciated.
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This is tough. I suggest you get a counselor/therapist to help you work out your issues (separate from your partner). A loveless relationship sucks. If it doesn't change, there is nothing really to do other than move on in my opinion.
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I'm sorry you're facing this situation. Assuming you're still in the nursing profession, this must be particularly rough on your natural inclination to help.
First, I fully concur with @Expat1's counseling suggestion for YOURSELF. The sooner, imo, the better, if only to have a sounding board.
More broadly, it sounds like your approaching burnout, not uncommon for caregivers. As a long term survivor, I suppose I've had to be more cognizant of my system's sensitivity to stress since I've hovered 200+/- for years. Unchecked, it's put me in the hospital a few times. It may go against your nature, but this is the time to care for yourself, physically and emotionally. Candidly (and presumptuously) speaking, it's gonna require you to be selfish and take back your life.
Though not quite apples to apples, I had a similar situation caring for my elderly mom as she physically and mentally declined. Make no mistake, dealing with someone else's untreated mental health issues is draining. So often I'd even find myself questioning my own sanity. I had a home health care aide for her, but I was also busy cleaning up the damn mess she'd made of her legals and financials. Eventually it was a rhinovirus from her that exacerbated my COPD and put me in the hospital where the docs put me under for 36 hours. It took almost two months' recovery. My CD4, having finally climbed the previous year into the mid-200s, tanked.
As I recovered, I said "no" most of her demands, innocuous as they may have seemed to an uninformed outsider. I delegated until I could get her into assisted living. Even now, more than six months on and though I FEEL better, I haven't been able to break 200.
I'm not suggesting you'll go the same drama-filled route, but heavy stress has a quantifiable effect on even otherwise healthy people.