Author Topic: My first HIV rejection (Read 11553 times)

woodshere · « **on:** July 30, 2007, 04:59:09 pm »

Some of you might have read my thread last week regarding disclosing to a guy that I had been dating. At that time I thought it will very well, so well in fact that we progressed past the heavy make out sessions we had been having for 2 or 3 weeks. Interesting that was the last time I saw him. We spoke a couple of times last week and finally on Thursday I asked him if he was giving me the old brush off. He replied it was just a lot to deal with and he had to do some thinking. (I guess that saturday I told him he was thinking with his other head) Of course he hasn't contacted me since and tomorrow leaves for a vacation for 10 days. I may not be the brightest guy around but I am not that stupid. I have been officially dumped.

Thus far in my short journey of knowing that I was poz I have been fortunate to have received supportive reactions from those I have told. I know it will not always be that way. And in this situation if the roles were reversed and he was poz and I neg, I hope I would not let that influence my thinking, but I honestly can't say for sure that would be the case. The one thing I know is that after getting to know someone over the course of several weeks and then dating for 3 weeks almost every other night, I wouldn't just break it off without a conversation with the other guy. I would have enough respect for the other person to not end this in this way.

I am sad as this was a guy I liked and they don't come along very often, at least for me,

Woods

MoltenStorm · « **Reply #1 on:** July 30, 2007, 05:06:14 pm »

Woods,

I'm very sorry. I know it sucks. (big, warm, comforting hug)

Molten

Miss Philicia · « **Reply #2 on:** July 30, 2007, 05:17:35 pm »

Ditto with the hugs, woods... I hope you go out and do some shoe shopping or whatever cheers you up in such situations. I go shoe shopping.

keyite · « **Reply #3 on:** July 30, 2007, 05:19:57 pm »

What a bummer. I can understand the fear HIV- guys like him are feeling but I have so little respect for their inability to be upfront and honest about it. You owe that much to your fellow man. It would just make the whole process of getting dumped somewhat less painful, at least speaking for myself.

Hope someone else crosses your path soon...

milker · « **Reply #4 on:** July 30, 2007, 05:59:30 pm »

Hopefully he will take some time during his vacation to learn about successful serodiscordant relationships. Sorry it didn't work out $:-\$ Happy shoe shopping!

Milker.

anniebc · « **Reply #5 on:** July 30, 2007, 06:42:17 pm »

(((Big hugs))))

I'ts his loss, but don't give up, there is somone out there just waiting for you to come into his life.

More hugs
Jan

404error · « **Reply #6 on:** July 30, 2007, 07:14:54 pm »

I feel your pain man. I've not had a single woman interested in being more than friends (and even that seems to be out of pity) since being diagnosed. Fruitlessly attempting to navigate my way through the shallow procession of the dating world has become more than disconcerting. I often wonder if it's the HIV or the lack of a six figure income and european sedan that's holding me back...

Catman · « **Reply #7 on:** July 30, 2007, 08:11:13 pm »

Sometimes it's better that these relationships end quickly before they turn into something more painful. Honesty was up front by your behalf so relax, you did fine and maybe it was for the best. If he's not there for you, maybe it's because someone better may be about to pop up. Relax and enjoy your own free time. Life is too short and health may not last us for too long to be waiting for prince charming to come along...enjoy life as single individual, and if another candidate appears, just try again and see what happens. No rush, no problem!

Queen Tokelove · « **Reply #8 on:** July 30, 2007, 08:54:40 pm »

Woods,

Sorry to hear that it didn't work out. I know you are brave, at least to me to disclose. But I think it is sad that after getting to know you all these weeks, that he treats you so coldly.

Queen Tokelove · « **Reply #9 on:** July 30, 2007, 08:58:45 pm »

Quote from: UpAllNight on July 30, 2007, 07:14:54 pm

I feel your pain man. I've not had a single woman interested in being more than friends (and even that seems to be out of pity) since being diagnosed. Fruitlessly attempting to navigate my way through the shallow procession of the dating world has become more than disconcerting. I often wonder if it's the HIV or the lack of a six figure income and european sedan that's holding me back...

Now where are you at? There are a few of us ladies looking for love. We even started a thread about it in the women's section. Take a peek even though you can't contribute to the forum. You might just learn something, not saying you are ignorant or anything but to show you women are going through the same thing.

Personally, I am not looking for someone with 6 figures, just be able to hold your own or have something to contribute. I don't think I'm wrong for saying that because no one wants to be in a relationship where they have to do everything. It should be a compromise..Don't give up, she's out there somewhere...

Oceanbeach · « **Reply #10 on:** July 30, 2007, 09:00:31 pm »

Dear Woods,

I just love shopping... Macy's is my Temple of Worship. Last Summer we had the "25th Anniversary" of AIDS, I was asked to be on the local news channel to speak of employment "opportunities" for people living with HIV.

I knew of the risks and prevention and still got it. I had my 11 year "anniversary" as an AIDS patient last month. Ten of those years were with an HIV- man and he is still negative. His lover before me died of AIDS in his arms.

You are a sharp, good lookin guy and you don't have to put up with the idle fears of the uninformed. If it happens again, give him some attitude. I like to use this..."When I was diagnosed HIV+ in 1994, it was a well known fact that 60% of all gay men, living in metropolitan areas were HIV positive whether they know it or not. Ten years later the San Francisco AIDS Foundation announced that 60% of all gay men, living in metropolitan areas are HIV +, whether they know it or not." That is not much progress in 10 years. Have the best day
Michael

Life · « **Reply #11 on:** July 30, 2007, 10:00:16 pm »

HushPuppies Woods......

Keep the fires burning...

Hugs,

Eric

ChaplinGuy · « **Reply #12 on:** July 30, 2007, 10:28:20 pm »

Woods, I'm sorry to hear that, my friend. I know that you'd really liked him and have watched as you struggled with how and when to disclose. It sucks that it ended up this way.

Truth is, we've all been there - and I mean been there as in dumped. Positive or negative, it happens to the best of people. You're a good fella and I know it sounds like a bitter pill now, but you'll find the right one soon enough. Just be glad that you found how this guy's true stripes now instead of after years of emotional investment. Ther right guy will care for you through and through.

Cheers buddy.
Chap

Buckmark · « **Reply #13 on:** July 30, 2007, 10:42:54 pm »

Woods,

I'm not sure if there's anything I can say to make you feel better. So I'll just send you a big hug. I have an idea of how much it can hurt to be rejected because of one's HIV status. And even though you can rationalize that he's obviously not the person for you if he can't deal with it, that doesn't make it hurt any less.

Hugs,

Henry

Cerrid · « **Reply #14 on:** July 31, 2007, 02:47:32 am »

(((HUGS)))

Yes, it happens. And it always hurts. Don't try to run after him when he returns, he doesn't seem to be worth it if he quits like this. If you had any illusions of a great shiny rainbow community full of respect and honesty, that's the right time to bury this conception. Whenever I go out for a date with an untested guy, I disclose before the date. It really helps to separate the wheat from the chaff before I let myself getting involved too much. If anything, HIV is a great filter.

Don't be too disappointed! Fall down, stand up. Chances are good that the next guy sees you as whole being and loves you not despite of, but because of all your roughs and edges.

Dachshund · « **Reply #15 on:** July 31, 2007, 08:31:42 am »

Sometimes I think it is too easy to make HIV the culprit for the phone call that is never returned. Sort of a failsafe excuse to fall back on when a new relationship doesn't work out. Think back prediagnosis when many a "short relationship" ended just this way.

Woods you are honest and out there and I think you will do fine. Don't allow your HIV and dating to become a self-fullfilling prophecy.

bear60 · « **Reply #16 on:** July 31, 2007, 08:38:06 am »

Yup...its his loss. Hang in there buddy.

woodshere · « **Reply #17 on:** July 31, 2007, 08:42:52 am »

Quote from: Dachshund on July 31, 2007, 08:31:42 am

Sometimes I think it is too easy to make HIV the culprit for the phone call that is never returned. Sort of a failsafe excuse to fall back on when a new relationship doesn't work out. Think back prediagnosis when many a "short relationship" ended just this way.

Dachshund, I totally agree with you here. I have many guys not call. However when you go from talking every day to not at all and that happens after you tell him you are HIV+, I think it is a good indicator what the cause is. As it turns out that was confirmed this morning when I got an email stating that he just couldn't handle an intimate relationship with me because I was poz, but we could still be friends.

Thanks to all for the kind words of encouragement and support. I think from here on out I will definitely let it be known I am poz, even before I start picking out china patterns.

Woods

Dachshund · « **Reply #18 on:** July 31, 2007, 08:56:23 am »

Quote from: woodshere on July 31, 2007, 08:42:52 am

Dachshund, I totally agree with you here. I have many guys not call. However when you go from talking every day to not at all and that happens after you tell him you are HIV+, I think it is a good indicator what the cause is. As it turns out that was confirmed this morning when I got an email stating that he just couldn't handle an intimate relationship with me because I was poz, but we could still be friends.

Thanks to all for the kind words of encouragement and support. I think from here on out I will definitely let it be known I am poz, even before I start picking out china patterns.

Woods

His loss baby, his loss. Not that it matters, but I am very fond of the Vera Wang Ivory Trellis collection by Wedgwood China.

redhotmuslbear · « **Reply #19 on:** July 31, 2007, 09:33:50 am »

Quote from: woodshere on July 31, 2007, 08:42:52 am

Thanks to all for the kind words of encouragement and support. I think from here on out I will definitely let it be known I am poz, even before I start picking out china patterns.

Screw the china patterns..... literally, if that's what gets you off.

Projecting expectations of relationships is a dangerous thing for people emotionally, regardless of gender, sex, sexual orientation, age, political affiliation, favorite sexual role, or HIV status. For GLBTQ folks and HIVers, it's particularly damaging when we've felt 'alone' for so long and meet others whom we find attractive in many ways.

I encourage you to enjoy the time of being single and to approach new suitors without thinking beyond the present. Putting the truth of your HIV status out front will certainly help you cut through the BS and, one would think, avoid later hurt because of it. Still, remember that there are plenty of other reasons byond HIV why people stop dating, but don't question whether you're "enough" for someone--either you are or you aren't, and you can't control that decision by another person in the end. Just be confident that you are sufficient now and always.

Peace,
David

P.S. If you need some sexual healing, you can get down here and get on your knees for Daddy!

woodshere · « **Reply #20 on:** July 31, 2007, 09:43:45 am »

Quote from: redhotmuslbear on July 31, 2007, 09:33:50 am

P.S. If you need some sexual healing, you can get down here and get on your knees for Daddy!

How on earth did you know that is one of my favorite places to be......

Vikky · « **Reply #21 on:** July 31, 2007, 04:10:48 pm »

I'm so sorry that happened to you. It's fear of this pain that prevents me from going out, but I hope you can overcome and move on.

Queen Tokelove · « **Reply #22 on:** July 31, 2007, 04:25:26 pm »

"If you need some sexual healing, you can get down here and get on your knees for Daddy!"

"How on earth did you know that is one of my favorite places to be.."

That sounds like a booty call to me. Redhot aims to please and ain't nothing wrong with some rebound sex, Woodsy. I say get your freak on....*yells* We need a fluffer over here...Am always available to take notes, doesn't care if it is gay sex, I'm sure I will learn something....Or maybe I can make it a documentary just so they can't say it's porno... "Woodsy and Redhot's mating rituals"

woodshere · « **Reply #23 on:** July 31, 2007, 04:52:48 pm »

Queen, you have made me all hot and bothered!!!

Queen Tokelove · « **Reply #24 on:** July 31, 2007, 04:58:38 pm »

Quote from: woodshere on July 31, 2007, 04:52:48 pm

Queen, you have made me all hot and bothered!!!

*insert evil laugh*....Welcome to my world. I even get BOB related injuries...

dixieman · « **Reply #25 on:** July 31, 2007, 05:52:22 pm »

Woods, I am sorry to hear that... but, at least you were forth coming... I think the reason so many people in person... online etc.. do not reveal their true status is out of fear of rejection... just look on the poz personals site... how many people who do not have pics... do not have facial pics... now check out sites like manhunt... how many have facial pics... or no pics ... I've even seen people I know who are positive online stating their negative... at least you are honest and have character for telling your situation. But, hey can you blame the person you were seeing? If I was in the position of being negative... I would probally not want to be in a sero relationship myself... I gave up the most wonderful man I have ever dated and encountered because, I found out my status... and at that time it was not in the cards for survival... but, here I am... I really do not know what to tell you... but, at least your an honest human being which makes you a wonderful person... some people just have a difficult time viewing reality... in this not so perfect world...I've been in the same situation and I think many on this site have likewise...sincerely, John

Razorbill · « **Reply #26 on:** July 31, 2007, 06:41:20 pm »

Hey Woods,
Sorry guy. I know it hurts, and is disappointing, and so many other depressing things. It has happened to me a bunch of times. And I'm pretty fed up with it. I have to disagree with Dachshund a bit. I think HIV is the number one cause of failed starts with non-poz folks. You can see the light change in their eyes when you tell them. They don't invest the time to find out what a pain-in-the-ass I am to dump me for any other reason.

Press on Woods, there's someone out there.
Ernie

bear60 · « **Reply #27 on:** July 31, 2007, 06:43:50 pm »

Frankly Woods,,... I just hope you dont stop there.

Longislander · « **Reply #28 on:** July 31, 2007, 07:28:13 pm »

Hi Woods,

I'm sorry this one didn't work out for you. Reading through this thread I was thinking give him time over his vacation to think it through, but he apparantly did that be4 he left (hence the email this morning).

You're a pretty good guy from what I can tell, and the right guy is out there for you. I wish you the best, meanwhile, enjoy being single.

One thing I'd like to put out there is to consider that for some people, telling someone they don't want to date them anymore is not so easy, no matter what the reason is. You like the guy, consider remaining friends with him.

Paul

BT65 · « **Reply #29 on:** July 31, 2007, 09:07:47 pm »

Woods-
Sounds like you have learned a valuable lesson. And I reiterate what everyone else has said-it IS his loss.
Now, as for what you and Queen are planning, I want to be in on it when it happens!

Peace-
Betty

Cliff · « **Reply #30 on:** August 01, 2007, 03:09:40 am »

That sucks. It's unfortunate that he didn't give you a chance. But it's his loss. His hangup. Not yours. Hopefully this grief won't skew your thinking. You can and will find love.

Go getta 'em, kid!

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Author Topic: My first HIV rejection (Read 11553 times)