Welcome, Guest. Please login or register.
December 09, 2021, 08:02:58 am

Login with username, password and session length

  • Total Posts: 762768
  • Total Topics: 64816
  • Online Today: 126
  • Online Ever: 5484
  • (June 18, 2021, 11:15:29 pm)
Users Online
Users: 2
Guests: 82
Total: 84


Welcome to the POZ Community Forums, a round-the-clock discussion area for people with HIV/AIDS, their friends/family/caregivers, and others concerned about HIV/AIDS.  Click on the links below to browse our various forums; scroll down for a glance at the most recent posts; or join in the conversation yourself by registering on the left side of this page.

Privacy Warning:  Please realize that these forums are open to all, and are fully searchable via Google and other search engines. If you are HIV positive and disclose this in our forums, then it is almost the same thing as telling the whole world (or at least the World Wide Web). If this concerns you, then do not use a username or avatar that are self-identifying in any way. We do not allow the deletion of anything you post in these forums, so think before you post.

  • The information shared in these forums, by moderators and members, is designed to complement, not replace, the relationship between an individual and his/her own physician.

  • All members of these forums are, by default, not considered to be licensed medical providers. If otherwise, users must clearly define themselves as such.

  • Forums members must behave at all times with respect and honesty. Posting guidelines, including time-out and banning policies, have been established by the moderators of these forums. Click here for “Do I Have HIV?” posting guidelines. Click here for posting guidelines pertaining to all other POZ community forums.

  • We ask all forums members to provide references for health/medical/scientific information they provide, when it is not a personal experience being discussed. Please provide hyperlinks with full URLs or full citations of published works not available via the Internet. Additionally, all forums members must post information which are true and correct to their knowledge.

  • Product advertisement—including links; banners; editorial content; and clinical trial, study or survey participation—is strictly prohibited by forums members unless permission has been secured from POZ.

To change forums navigation language settings, click here (members only), Register now

Para cambiar sus preferencias de los foros en español, haz clic aquí (sólo miembros), Regístrate ahora

Finished Reading This? You can collapse this or any other box on this page by clicking the symbol in each box.

Author Topic: 6 years passed, getting ready for dating  (Read 1365 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

Offline ivorydude

  • Member
  • Posts: 15
6 years passed, getting ready for dating
« on: December 11, 2020, 01:45:54 am »
Hi all,

I was diagnosed positive October 2014
Now already undetectable for 5 years in a row.... =)))))))

I'm 37 years old, living in Jakarta - Indonesia

Quite healthy, i think with so far no major side effect, aside from slight occasional diarrhea.

I'm thinking of getting into relationship again, but still afraid to disclose.
I'm currently close with a guy.
We had sex couple of times, safety of course.

But yet I did not disclose my status.

I'm thinking for serious relationship, meanwhile this whole time just ons n fwb.

Any suggestions?

Offline Kangaroo

  • Member
  • Posts: 36
Re: 6 years passed, getting ready for dating
« Reply #1 on: December 15, 2020, 07:08:43 am »

I'll share my case.

I was afraid to disclose my status to many guys I had affairs, so I never did, as well as because I never thought I had to disclose since I am UD.

Then a guy I had an affair with for a time asked me for dating (long term relationship), at that moment I told him that if he really wants it I had one thing to disclose, and I said that after me saying it he should have time to think about and if he still wants to date me after disclosing he could ask me again.

I prepared myself to address to any reaction from him, from an instant dating proposal, and comprehensive feeling, to an aggressive or passive-aggressive attitude.

No matter the occasion, be sure you are OK with your situation, I mean: no matter the reaction, you are confident that you are making the right thing.
Never let anyone's reaction to unsettling your mind.
Looking at the sea again.
Tides they rise and fall and then they rise again.

29/03/2017: Confirmed POZ(VL: N/A CD4: 303)
26/04/2017: VL 66.576 CD4 575)
12/05/2017: Start of DTC + TDF + 3TC
26/06/2017: VL 58 CD4 628,5
20/07/2017: VL Undetectable
09/05/2018: VL UD CD4 650,7@32,5%
08/11/2018: VL UD CD4 617,4@31,4%
29/05/2019: VL UD CD4 677,8@33,3%
12/11/2019: VL UD CD4 730,0@34,6%
30/05/2020: VL UD CD4 801,8@36,7%
11/12/2020: VL UD CD4 652,0@39,1%

Offline Jim Allen

  • Administrator
  • Member
  • Posts: 18,043
  • Twitter @JimAllenDublin
    • HIV Lessons
Re: 6 years passed, getting ready for dating
« Reply #2 on: December 15, 2020, 11:41:29 pm »

HIV status of not dating and relationships can be challenging, just wanted to wish you luck with this chapter.

I'm thinking of getting into relationship again, but still afraid to disclose.

What makes you afraid? Is it rejection?

HIV has not made much difference to me, as for sharing my status I think when I share the delivery makes a difference, took me a few attempts to find what works for me.

Being more comfortable and confident about my HIV status really helped.

When I share my HIV status I do it face to face, starting with I have a manageable medical condition that is not a concern but wanted to share it, blah blah blah so I start at the beginning and work towards the taking meds and, being undetectable. 

Just remember you can't control peoples reaction, just the message you deliver.

I've heard some people like to probe how someone feels about the topic of HIV ahead of time in conversation to see their reaction "He, did you see in the news blah blah blah on HIV, I found it interesting"

I'm sure there are plenty of other ways.

We had sex couple of times, safety of course.

You have HIV suppressed (UD), so no risk passing on HIV of course*. As for sex, even if you practice safer sex (safer, not safe) just remember to still routinely test for STI's.

Best, Jim

* https://forums.poz.com/index.php?topic=71864.0
« Last Edit: December 15, 2020, 11:43:40 pm by Jim Allen »
HIV 101 - Everything you need to know
HIV 101
Read more about Testing here:
HIV Testing
Read about Treatment-as-Prevention (TasP) here:
You can read about HIV prevention here:
HIV prevention
Read about PEP and PrEP here
PEP and PrEP


Terms of Membership for these forums

© 2021 Smart + Strong. All Rights Reserved.   terms of use and your privacy
Smart + Strong® is a registered trademark of CDM Publishing, LLC.