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Off Topic Forums => Off Topic Forum => Topic started by: next2u on March 08, 2010, 11:52:05 pm

Title: roommate possibility
Post by: next2u on March 08, 2010, 11:52:05 pm: hello,

one of my coworkers needs a place to live and im thinking of letting him live with me. only problem, big lifestyle differences. want ur feedback. also, dont move this shit to off topic...my hiv plays a role with this.

so, my coworker picked me up for work today and will do so tomorrow. on our little commute he opens up to me. he begins telling me about the past 3 years of his life and my heart just bounds. he also told me he is looking for a place to live as well. well, now after hearing about his shit it crosses my mind that i have an extra room that im not using for shit except old clothes and ironing.

if he were to move in i'd make 4800 a year more plus reduce my utilities. this means i could eliminate my credit card debt in under 2 years without changing my lifestyle (by the way, my lifestyle will change to accelerate the debt elimination process).

please view my pros and cons and tell me what you think:

pros:
he has more experience in my work field (not a supervisor)
he's super smart
save money
more food
good for the soul to help others in need
he's responsible
he wants to start working out together
he's straight and okay with me being gay
he's bilingual and can assist me with my spanish
he won't be home a lot
he'll be close to his kids
he knows how to fly planes
he likes to hike and do outdoorsy stuff
we both like to help others out

cons:
i smoke pot, he doesn't know and won't approve
i'm poz, i'd like to keep that from him
i have a lot of porn
i'm very liberal, he's very conservative (as in he doesn't curse)
i probably wouldn't be able to smoke pot at home
he's very christian and i'm very not.
im constantly late to work and no one knows
i like making noises when i jack off - nightly

so, i think he's looking for a place to stay and i feel like he was feeling me out. i'll invite him in after work tomorrow and see how things go. i'll run this by my therapist as well. i'm also thinking if he moves in i'll smoke less pot and save more money
but, i would like a confidentiality agreement. what goes on at home, stays at home. im good about keeping secrets, even when im pissed. i hope he does the same.
Title: Re: roommate possibility
Post by: Hellraiser on March 08, 2010, 11:56:51 pm: I'm not touching this with a 10 foot pole.
Title: Re: roommate possibility
Post by: next2u on March 09, 2010, 12:00:48 am: have i done something wrong?
Title: Re: roommate possibility
Post by: Hellraiser on March 09, 2010, 12:05:04 am: Quote from: next2u on March 09, 2010, 12:00:48 am
have i done something wrong?

Not at all dude. I just think this is something you'd have to decide on your own.
Title: Re: roommate possibility
Post by: next2u on March 09, 2010, 12:14:50 am: gotcha...
ive had a number of roommates and have lived on my own for a while now. financially it makes sense. but i ve heard you shouldn't live with people you work with or are fucking (and not in a relationship). i'd like a responsible roommate and his outreach work is really impressive.

i'll do some soul searching. the obvious answer seems to be yes...

but i'm hesitant.

can u shorten that stick a lil?
Title: Re: roommate possibility
Post by: Matty the Damned on March 09, 2010, 12:22:50 am: This will end badly.

MtD
Title: Re: roommate possibility
Post by: Jeff G on March 09, 2010, 12:30:48 am: 99% of roomates suck . 100 % of mine sucked big time . I was perfect .
Title: Re: roommate possibility
Post by: next2u on March 09, 2010, 12:32:21 am: you know matty, after i see your name after any post i make i get a shiver down my spine before reading it....

thanks, i hear ya. there is a reason i hesitate.

i dont have a centralized location and i only see this person for about 3 hours a week at work.

once i start school up again my home will only be used for sleeping.
Title: Re: roommate possibility
Post by: griezzel on March 09, 2010, 12:33:01 am: Sounds like it'd be better to plan on it be a short term arrangement, at least until you see how it's going to work out. Because it seems there are several possible obstacles to a good vibe in the house, which, for me at least, is paramount. Reducing stress levels (and keeping them there) is very important for us with HIV.
Title: Re: roommate possibility
Post by: next2u on March 09, 2010, 12:34:05 am: 3 of my good friends and my gbm (godbaby's mama) were x roommates (we didnt know each other before living together). the other 12 or so im still cordial towards.
Title: Re: roommate possibility
Post by: next2u on March 09, 2010, 12:34:56 am: @ griezzel

u make a good point. thanks :)
Title: Re: roommate possibility
Post by: tednlou2 on March 09, 2010, 12:36:23 am: My best friend moved in with his boss. It didn't go well and it hurt their working relationship. I worry about people coming to the house and seeing anything HIV related--med journals, pamphlets, my labs, etc. If you don't want him to know, you better get a safe. Most people snoop--I think many of us have done it. About the pot, are you sure he won't get mad at you over bills or something and use it to blackmail you?

That extra money is hard to turn down. The only problem I see if he goes talking your business to co-workers. If you both have very strong political views, it may be good to make a rule that politics not be discussed. Most of my partner's family is republican. We have a rule that we aren't suppose to talk politics. We found out his brother's and sister-in-law's views on gay marriage. Our relationship with them has forever been changed. We wish we never found out. I think my CD4 last summer points out the battle we had. It upset me so much and I think my CD4 drop showed it. Having said that, we expected more from family. I probably wouldn't get so upset over a roommate's views.

Good luck with the decision
Title: Re: roommate possibility
Post by: Matty the Damned on March 09, 2010, 12:41:05 am: D,

The Odd Couple was a TV show. That shit doesn't work out IRL.

You're a pot smoking, ass fucking, unbelieving, Demonkrat voting, profanity using man of colour with teh AIDS.

Your proposed roomate is a conservative, bible believing, baby fathering, anti-drug, Republican, aircraft piloting servant of the Lord.

It's easy for you two to respect each other at work or when you meet on limited social occasions. Living with this guy will be a totally different kettle of eels. When it goes wrong (and it will my friend) it will go wrong in spectacular style.

I know what you're doing here honey. You're a fundamentally decent fella with a heart as big as Montana and you're trying to help someone out.

But stop and think. Do you really want to live (check that live) with Todd Palin?

MtD :-*
Title: Re: roommate possibility
Post by: next2u on March 09, 2010, 12:44:55 am: @tednlou2

love ur handle! yeah. i could see that happening. he's a nice guy and ex military. i grew up on a base and my parents were in government / law enforcement.

the money is hard to turn but im financially stable for now, just looking for ways to come up. my life is legit right now. it's legal for me to smoke pot and my medical condition is a condition.

but stigma's a bitch and i don't want to stress. this guy is part of my immediate work group and we have the same supervisor and 6 coworkers on our team. they help me with every aspect of my work and have become an integral part of my support group.

hmmm...i dont think ive ever heard this man gossip at work nor did i know much about him before 1 month ago when i started revealing my admiration for his work ethic and analytical abilities. we've been on the same team now for almost 2 years and he just started opening up to me about 2 months ago when i needed his help on a project.

his conservative background does worry me. in all honesty him being a christian doesn't bother me. some of the best and worst people i know are christians. he goes to church every week and gives a lot back to his community. makes me want to give back to him.
Title: Re: roommate possibility
Post by: next2u on March 09, 2010, 12:48:51 am: @mtd

who's posts i always find interesting :).
when you make a point, you make a point.

thank you for being so concise. i see i have a lot to think about and will err on the side of caution. maybe i'll drop a "you don't have to worry about being homeless but we can't be roommates" line on dude.

he is supporting his wife and 3 kids through a divorce. i just can't imagine what that is like ...

best,
d
Title: Re: roommate possibility
Post by: Matty the Damned on March 09, 2010, 12:50:57 am: Quote from: next2u on March 09, 2010, 12:48:51 am
@mtd

who's posts i always find interesting :).
when you make a point, you make a point.

thank you for being so concise. i see i have a lot to think about and will err on the side of caution. maybe i'll drop a "you don't have to worry about being homeless but we can't be roommates" line on dude.

he is supporting his wife and 3 kids through a divorce. i just can't imagine what that is like ...

best,
d

Eh, who cares what it's like? He made his choices. Now he has to pay for 'em. You're doing pretty much the same thing in your own way.

If you do decide to let the First Dude move in with you, tell him before hand exactly how things are. It's your place and he has to deal with the way you live.

That should resolve things nicely. :)

MtD
Title: Re: roommate possibility
Post by: next2u on March 09, 2010, 12:56:36 am: @mtd.
agreed. i am the downside of being a bleeding heart liberal.

hmm, well, ill have to find someone else to pay half my rent...
Title: Re: roommate possibility
Post by: Miss Philicia on March 09, 2010, 12:56:43 am: Quote from: matty.the.damned on March 09, 2010, 12:22:50 am
This will end badly.

MtD

Which is what will make this so exciting for these forums as a whole if we highly recommend that nextie goes ahead and let's the guy move in with him. Please think of the greater community!
Title: Re: roommate possibility
Post by: next2u on March 09, 2010, 12:59:20 am: @miss p

i know you're just being mean cause i said something nice about matty. don't worry love, i still have a big portion of my heart just for you. just like the boys at the club we can share!
Title: Re: roommate possibility
Post by: Miss Philicia on March 09, 2010, 01:03:27 am: Quote from: next2u on March 09, 2010, 12:59:20 am

i know you're just being mean cause i said something nice about matty.

Now, now... the internet is not a contest!
Title: Re: roommate possibility
Post by: next2u on March 09, 2010, 01:11:44 am: i think one of my x roomies was poz...just didnt know about it. saw his profile on a4a a while back and noticed that he didn't have his status checked. of course, this was before i was poz and very naive. i hooked up with some guys that were poz but didnt realize it until after diagnosis...
Title: Re: roommate possibility
Post by: Miss Philicia on March 09, 2010, 01:25:47 am: Quote from: next2u on March 09, 2010, 01:11:44 am
i think one of my x roomies was poz...just didnt know about it. saw his profile on a4a a while back and noticed that he didn't have his status checked. of course, this was before i was poz and very naive. i hooked up with some guys that were poz but didnt realize it until after diagnosis...

Why don't you just run an ad for a roommate that is poz?
Title: Re: roommate possibility
Post by: next2u on March 09, 2010, 01:28:47 am: ::) YOU know y, lol ...
Title: Re: roommate possibility
Post by: Miss Philicia on March 09, 2010, 02:15:15 am: Quote from: next2u on March 09, 2010, 01:28:47 am
::) YOU know y, lol ...

Because you'd hump a pile of turds if it had a pulse?
Title: Re: roommate possibility
Post by: tednlou2 on March 09, 2010, 02:24:27 am: I ran an ad several years ago for a roommate in the newspaper--this was in '95 before internet. 98% of respondants were looking for sex. I finally found one guy who was serious. I didn't tell him I was gay. He moved all his stuff in, found out I was gay, and was moving out within 6 hours of moving in. Maybe I should have told him I was gay. However, this is the funny part and I swear to God this is true... about 4 months later he knocked on my door very late and drunk. He was wanting to mess around. It explained so much about his insecurities and why he moved out. I know this story doesn't help you...I was just reminiscing.
Title: Re: roommate possibility
Post by: sdguyloveslife on March 09, 2010, 02:44:19 am: If there's one thing I can spot -- it's a fellow co-dependent! Wow! From one co-dependent relationship and right into another! Sure, you're not going to "date" this one, but you've got to admit there is an element of "fixing" him and his situation going on here. We co-dependents cannot be happy unless we are meddling in someone else's business, fixing someone else's life, or taking care of someone. All this and I didn't even mention how much you will have to "behave" and "change your lifestyle" to accommodate him instead of living as who you really are! This is exactly our M.O. too - run out and fix someone else's life while ignoring the big elephant in your own living room. Methinks next2u needs to spend some time and effort working on himself. And yeah, I already know you're going to disagree with me and continue living in denial, but hey, you asked...so, I'm just saying.
Title: Re: roommate possibility
Post by: Grasshopper on March 09, 2010, 05:28:36 am: Next2U, I love reading your posts....very entertaining and beats watching reruns of the Jerry Springer shows.
Honestly, seldom have I seen anyone doing their utmost best to dig their own grave. Just reread the cons in your initial post...are you sure you want / are able to survive in a closet within your own home ...and for how long ?

greetz & goodluck ;D
Title: Re: roommate possibility
Post by: mecch on March 09, 2010, 05:42:03 am: 1) Roommates are great not crappy. Crappy roommates are the exception.

2) Don't invite this guy because the cons on your list are too intimate and will cramp your lifestyle.

3) Clean up your extra room and advertise for a roommate who will be happy with you and vice versa.

Its pretty simple. So you had a good idea and just have to work a bit now to complete it.
Title: Re: roommate possibility
Post by: Dachshund on March 09, 2010, 06:44:22 am: Honey, you love the drama. Get him a phone and call the movers.
Title: Re: roommate possibility
Post by: David_CA on March 09, 2010, 07:40:53 am: Quote from: tednlou2 on March 09, 2010, 02:24:27 am
...However, this is the funny part and I swear to God this is true... about 4 months later he knocked on my door very late and drunk. He was wanting to mess around. It explained so much about his insecurities and why he moved out. I know this story doesn't help you...I was just reminiscing.

So, did ya? ;)

On a serious note, I think Mecch (and others) have some good advice. Skip this guy and get a roommate that's more compatible.
Title: Re: roommate possibility
Post by: Theyer on March 09, 2010, 09:03:21 am: He sounds hot and unavailable----perfect
Title: Re: roommate possibility
Post by: Cliff on March 09, 2010, 09:25:18 am: Sounds like a brilliant idea! Just don't forget to get that confidentiality agreement signed.
Title: Re: roommate possibility
Post by: Hellraiser on March 09, 2010, 10:02:30 am: Quote from: Theyer on March 09, 2010, 09:03:21 am
He sounds hot and unavailable----perfect

Just how I like my men.
Title: Re: roommate possibility
Post by: Florida69 on March 09, 2010, 10:15:05 am: make sure you put everything in writing, a sublease agreement. Although he is probably a good guy, the best way to protect yourself is with a contract. As for the pot smoking (where do I sign up), actually because of how the legal system works, I would give some serious thought to this, because you have to go back in the closet. It is easy to hide somethings from a room mate such as porn, but mary jane has a certain aroma. He may be very against it, and being that he works with you could tell people etc, especially if he catches you, then that could mean issues at work. Just my two cents. Good luck. D
Title: Re: roommate possibility
Post by: Miss Philicia on March 09, 2010, 11:05:09 am: Hide porn from a roommate? What are you - 15?
Title: Re: roommate possibility
Post by: BT65 on March 09, 2010, 05:38:13 pm: This has been an extremely entertaining read thus far. D, I truly don't know where a lot of my drama-queen reading would come from, if not for you.
Title: Re: roommate possibility
Post by: fearless on March 09, 2010, 05:50:14 pm: Here I was thinking you were thinking about having the ex as a roommate.

Forget all the other pros and cons - although i note the cons seem to far outweigh any positive.

KEEP WORK AND YOUR PRIVATE LIFE SEPERATE.

To even consider it is one of the dumbest things you've ever thought of. If you want the money, find a roommate through other means. As someone else said, most of them suck and you will want to throw them out at some point. But, naturally, only after a lot of drama and seeking of advice from us.
Title: Re: roommate possibility
Post by: griezzel on March 09, 2010, 06:06:21 pm: Yes, if after all this advice you are still inclined to be the sweetheart you naturally are and invite this man to live with you, you simply MUST be honest ahead of time about a few things that could become huge problems instead of keeping them secret.

The most important issue is that of your medical marijuana, I'd say. I think it's a mistake to assume he is against it just because he is Christian and conservative. The most uncomfortable conservation would be one about sexual activities (given that you're both Americans - we are such prudes!). You're both grown men and hopefully mature enough to handle the facts the other has needs. He probably has something to the edge off, doncha think? (is there christian porn?) THAT shouldn't really be a problem, except perhaps a cramp in your porn activities. Do the bedrooms share a wall?

Depending on how well the two of you gel, and how much you already like and respect each other, I'd venture the biggest potential problem would come from having such different outlooks on life. Even the most casual remark from an ultra-conservative on some trivial news event can boil my juices, simply because of where it's coming from and the huge set assumptions that can lay behind little comments.
Title: Re: roommate possibility
Post by: edfu on March 09, 2010, 06:09:01 pm: I keep wondering when I should get the popcorn. ;D
Title: Re: roommate possibility
Post by: griezzel on March 09, 2010, 06:13:26 pm: Quote from: edfu on March 09, 2010, 06:09:01 pm
I keep wondering when I should get the popcorn. ;D

Isn't it ALWAYS time for popcorn? I like mine with smoked paprika, onion and garlic powder, easy on the oil.

Hey, I need to go the store.
Title: Re: roommate possibility
Post by: blackwingbear on March 09, 2010, 08:26:08 pm: Quote from: next2u on March 08, 2010, 11:52:05 pm
hello,

one of my coworkers needs a place to live and im thinking of letting him live with me. only problem, big lifestyle differences.

cons:
i smoke pot, he doesn't know and won't approve
i'm poz, i'd like to keep that from him
i have a lot of porn.

Pot, porn and poz?? I'd say that having a STRAIGHT str8-guy move-in with you is probably a bad idea. But you sound FUN! ;D
Title: Re: roommate possibility
Post by: blackwingbear on March 09, 2010, 08:27:55 pm: Quote from: griezzel on March 09, 2010, 06:06:21 pm
(is there christian porn?)

Yes, it's called "Davey & Goliath"
Title: Re: roommate possibility
Post by: blackwingbear on March 09, 2010, 08:30:17 pm: Quote from: tednlou2 on March 09, 2010, 02:24:27 am
I ran an ad several years ago for a roommate in the newspaper--this was in '95 before internet. 98% of respondants were looking for sex. I finally found one guy who was serious. I didn't tell him I was gay. He moved all his stuff in, found out I was gay, and was moving out within 6 hours of moving in. Maybe I should have told him I was gay. However, this is the funny part and I swear to God this is true... about 4 months later he knocked on my door very late and drunk. He was wanting to mess around.

Ah, so he really was a true straight guy. LOL
Title: Re: roommate possibility
Post by: madbrain on March 09, 2010, 09:45:07 pm: Quote from: Miss Philicia on March 09, 2010, 01:25:47 am
Why don't you just run an ad for a roommate that is poz?

Housing discrimination laws can make that difficult.
Title: Re: roommate possibility
Post by: Matty the Damned on March 09, 2010, 09:52:59 pm: Quote from: madbrain on March 09, 2010, 09:45:07 pm
Housing discrimination laws can make that difficult.

Do housing discrimination laws run that way? I mean the law may prohibit discrimination on the grounds of disability, but say nothing about excluding the able bodied.

Also:

(http://tool.shagnasty.net/wiki/images/b/ba/Ilovethisthread.jpg)

MtD
Title: Re: roommate possibility
Post by: leatherman on March 09, 2010, 10:01:56 pm: Quote from: madbrain on March 09, 2010, 09:45:07 pm
Housing discrimination laws can make that difficult.
craigslist > housing > rooms & shares
list/look 4 "gay or gay-friendly roommate"

if you're just an individual looking for a roommate, you pretty much can specify what type of person you want to live with. ;) An apartment complex, however, would be subject to housing discrimination laws
Title: Re: roommate possibility
Post by: skeebo1969 on March 09, 2010, 10:13:44 pm: Quote from: next2u on March 08, 2010, 11:52:05 pm
i smoke pot, he doesn't know and won't approve

Quote from: next2u on March 08, 2010, 11:52:05 pm
i probably wouldn't be able to smoke pot at home

I'd tell him to go cry his sorrows on some homeless guy's shoulder at the local shelter.
Title: Re: roommate possibility
Post by: tednlou2 on March 09, 2010, 10:46:19 pm: Quote from: David_NC on March 09, 2010, 07:40:53 am
So, did ya? ;)

On a serious note, I think Mecch (and others) have some good advice. Skip this guy and get a roommate that's more compatible.

I did. Even though I was upset he couldn't accept me, I couldn't turn it down. He obviously wasn't totally straight and obviously had issues. I hope he has worked that out and isn't living a secret double-life.

Next2u, it seems most of us think it would be a bad idea. It would be interesting to see how it goes if you do decide to take him in.
Title: Re: roommate possibility
Post by: Rev. Moon on March 09, 2010, 11:01:07 pm: Meh! Can't wait for some youtube updates of this mess.
Title: Re: roommate possibility
Post by: madbrain on March 10, 2010, 04:02:15 am: Quote from: leatherman on March 09, 2010, 10:01:56 pm
craigslist > housing > rooms & shares
list/look 4 "gay or gay-friendly roommate"

if you're just an individual looking for a roommate, you pretty much can specify what type of person you want to live with. ;) An apartment complex, however, would be subject to housing discrimination laws

Not so in California, where next2u lives. The exceptions to fair housing laws for roommates are narrow.
http://www.rentlaw.com/discrimination/california.htm

I think "medical condition" covers able bodied people as well as disabled. If you can't discriminate against poz people, why would you be allowed to discriminate against neg ? It's 2 sides of the same coin, if you ask me. But I'm not a lawyer.
Title: Re: roommate possibility
Post by: David_CA on March 10, 2010, 08:35:04 am: Quote from: madbrain on March 10, 2010, 04:02:15 am
Not so in California, where next2u lives. The exceptions to fair housing laws for roommates are narrow.
http://www.rentlaw.com/discrimination/california.htm

I think "medical condition" covers able bodied people as well as disabled. If you can't discriminate against poz people, why would you be allowed to discriminate against neg ? It's 2 sides of the same coin, if you ask me. But I'm not a lawyer.

That link mentions 'landlord'.
In NC, if the owner lives in the same residence, he can discriminate. Honestly, I don't have a problem with that. Besides being in a relationship with another person, what more intimate living situation can two individuals have except to be co-dwellers? I'd be surprised if there wasn't something similar in CA, but one never can tell about that state! ;)

See section § 41A-6. Exemptions
2) The rental of a room or rooms in a private house, not a boarding house, if the
lessor or a member of his family resides in the house
http://www.doa.state.nc.us/hrc/documents/FairHousingAct.pdf (http://www.doa.state.nc.us/hrc/documents/FairHousingAct.pdf)

Quote from: tednlou2 on March 09, 2010, 10:46:19 pm
I did. Even though I was upset he couldn't accept me, I couldn't turn it down. He obviously wasn't totally straight and obviously had issues. I hope he has worked that out and isn't living a secret double-life.
Good to hear. He was probably afraid that he'd be found to be gay if he lived with you... guilty by association and all.
Title: Re: roommate possibility
Post by: Matty the Damned on March 10, 2010, 02:25:51 pm: If you can't discriminate against poz people, why would you be allowed to discriminate against neg ?

Because it's fun.

MtD
Title: Re: roommate possibility
Post by: madbrain on March 10, 2010, 02:32:07 pm: Quote from: David_NC on March 10, 2010, 08:35:04 am
That link mentions 'landlord'.
In NC, if the owner lives in the same residence, he can discriminate. Honestly, I don't have a problem with that. Besides being in a relationship with another person, what more intimate living situation can two individuals have except to be co-dwellers? I'd be surprised if there wasn't something similar in CA, but one never can tell about that state! ;)

Let me tell you how it affects me. I own a home. That makes me a "landlord". My partner lives with me, but is not on the title of the house. That makes him a "boarder". And thus the roommate exception doesn't apply. I have a spare bedroom to rent. I tried to rent it out on craigslist a few months ago while I wasn't working. My ad mentioned we were a gay couple. I didn't even ask for a gay roommate or any preference.

The only answers I got were from trolls, who threatened to sue for discrimination when I didn't send them an application in the mail, but requested they meet in person with me first. One actually asked who owned the house, and how many ppl lived there. I took my room off the rental market because it just wasn't worth the risk of getting sued. I lived off my savings until I found another job. I have pretty much given up on advertising for that room, I keep hoping I will find someone through word of mouth, but it just isn't happening.
Title: Re: roommate possibility
Post by: Jeff G on March 10, 2010, 02:35:09 pm: I suppose it could happen but I would like to be in the courtroom the day a straight man sues a gay guy for not allowing him to be his roomate because he he doesn't have aids . Stranger things have happend ... like the Lindsy milkalcoholic lawsuit LOL .
Title: Re: roommate possibility
Post by: skeebo1969 on March 10, 2010, 02:44:14 pm:   The guy discriminates against pot. I wouldn't want to work with him let alone have him sleeping next to my ironing board. I would take my vacation time now and midway through call and give them my two weeks notice. ;)

   Have you thought about when he has his Daddy Days? Huh, have you? Unless you are ready for countless hours of Dora the Explorer and her damn backpack I would definitely let this guy find his new life without his wife or I in the picture.

   Forgot to mention, plus the fucker has a problem with you smoking weed in your pad.
Title: Re: roommate possibility
Post by: David_CA on March 10, 2010, 03:19:58 pm: Quote from: madbrain on March 10, 2010, 02:32:07 pm
Let me tell you how it affects me. I own a home. That makes me a "landlord". My partner lives with me, but is not on the title of the house. That makes him a "boarder". And thus the roommate exception doesn't apply. I have a spare bedroom to rent. I tried to rent it out on craigslist a few months ago while I wasn't working. My ad mentioned we were a gay couple. I didn't even ask for a gay roommate or any preference.

The only answers I got were from trolls, who threatened to sue for discrimination when I didn't send them an application in the mail, but requested they meet in person with me first. One actually asked who owned the house, and how many ppl lived there. I took my room off the rental market because it just wasn't worth the risk of getting sued. I lived off my savings until I found another job. I have pretty much given up on advertising for that room, I keep hoping I will find someone through word of mouth, but it just isn't happening.
Huh?

I guess NC's laws on non-discrimination in housing make a bit more sense... at least to me. They are certainly easier to locate. I spent a few minutes looking through CA's laws and regulations and didn't really find one single source.

Some definitions of landlord include "people who lease houses, land, etc to others or those who keep a boarding house". One of the more common definitions of boarding house is "a lodging house at which meals are provided for a fee". The roommate exception you mentioned would apply in NC and I imagine in other states (we're not THAT unique). The point that I'm now making is that you, owner of the house, at least in some states, CAN discriminate against a person to whom you will allow to live in your property under certain conditions. In your case, in a state with laws similar to ours, you could rent or not rent to whomever you choose as long as you or a family member live in the same residence which is not a boarding house or a 4+ multi-family residence.

What all this means is that in some states, it is legal to rent to whomever one wishes as long as certain requirements are met. If these exceptions are not present, and one is not allowed to ever discriminate, you would not be able to even mention any of the 'protected classes'. I remember this well from my real estate days. We couldn't even mention 'family neighborhood' (family status), 'walking distance' or 'water view' (handicap status), mother-in-law quarters (gender), nearby churches (religion), etc. It was crazy. It made for very generic real estate ads, that's for sure!
Title: Re: roommate possibility
Post by: blackwingbear on March 10, 2010, 04:43:06 pm: Quote from: madbrain on March 10, 2010, 02:32:07 pm
Let me tell you how it affects me. I own a home. That makes me a "landlord". My partner lives with me, but is not on the title of the house. That makes him a "boarder". And thus the roommate exception doesn't apply. I have a spare bedroom to rent. I tried to rent it out on craigslist a few months ago while I wasn't working. My ad mentioned we were a gay couple. I didn't even ask for a gay roommate or any preference.The only answers I got were from trolls, who threatened to sue for discrimination when I didn't send them an application in the mail, but requested they meet in person with me first. One actually asked who owned the house, and how many ppl lived there. I took my room off the rental market because it just wasn't worth the risk of getting sued.

You live in California, right?? No offense meant, but many people there aren't exactly sane or ethical....
Title: Re: roommate possibility
Post by: blackwingbear on March 10, 2010, 04:44:50 pm: Quote from: skeebo1969 on March 10, 2010, 02:44:14 pm
The guy discriminates against pot. I wouldn't want to work with him let alone have him sleeping next to my ironing board. I would take my vacation time now and midway through call and give them my two weeks notice. ;)

Have you thought about when he has his Daddy Days? Huh, have you? Unless you are ready for countless hours of Dora the Explorer and her damn backpack I would definitely let this guy find his new life without his wife or I in the picture.

Forgot to mention, plus the fucker has a problem with you smoking weed in your pad.

I like the way you think!!!
Title: Re: roommate possibility
Post by: Matty the Damned on March 10, 2010, 05:17:33 pm: Quote from: blackwingbear on March 10, 2010, 04:43:06 pm
You live in California, right?? No offense meant, but many people there aren't exactly sane or ethical....

Ladies and Gentlemen, allow me to introduce the new Editor-in-Chief of Generalisation Quarterly . . .

::)

MtD
Title: Re: roommate possibility
Post by: blackwingbear on March 10, 2010, 06:41:29 pm: Quote from: matty.the.damned on March 10, 2010, 05:17:33 pm
Ladies and Gentlemen, allow me to introduce the new Editor-in-Chief of Generalisation Quarterly . . .

::)

MtD

Hey, I did say MANY not ALL... heheheheheheheheh
Title: Re: roommate possibility
Post by: next2u on March 16, 2010, 11:23:48 am: well,

i can see some of you still continue to cast stones. i have not offered him a place to stay at this time nor have i responded to any of the responses from my ads on gay roommates or craigslist.

seriously.....some of you people really read a little too much between the lines....

outside of mtd, queen, ann, philly and a handful of others im not really sure that you care...

bleh,
d
Title: Re: roommate possibility
Post by: David_CA on March 16, 2010, 11:39:29 am: Quote from: next2u on March 16, 2010, 11:23:48 am
well,

i can see some of you still continue to cast stones. i have not offered him a place to stay at this time nor have i responded to any of the responses from my ads on gay roommates or craigslist.

seriously.....some of you people really read a little too much between the lines....

outside of mtd, queen, ann, philly and a handful of others im not really sure that you care...

bleh,
d
Some of us did care enough to take time do a bit of research and post what we'd found.
Title: Re: roommate possibility
Post by: Ann on March 16, 2010, 11:47:13 am: ((((((((((D))))))))))
Title: Re: roommate possibility
Post by: skeebo1969 on March 16, 2010, 11:49:40 am: Quote from: next2u on March 16, 2010, 11:23:48 am
well,

i can see some of you still continue to cast stones. i have not offered him a place to stay at this time nor have i responded to any of the responses from my ads on gay roommates or craigslist.

seriously.....some of you people really read a little too much between the lines....

outside of mtd, queen, ann, philly and a handful of others im not really sure that you care...

bleh,
d

Wow this disappoints me. Well, I guess you could just quit smoking herb then... and learn the theme song to Go Diego, Go!!, which is a little easier to swallow than Dora.

Thomass

PS I think you should buy a big dog.
Title: Re: roommate possibility
Post by: Cliff on March 16, 2010, 12:11:22 pm: Nah, I think most care. Maybe it's just frustration. I doubt anyone wants to see you unhappy.

These situations are never easy, especially on the inside. Knowing what's right is the easy part. Execution can be hard stuff.

good luck
Title: Re: roommate possibility
Post by: denb45 on March 16, 2010, 12:22:24 pm: Quote from: skeebo1969 on March 16, 2010, 11:49:40 am
Wow this disappoints me. Well, I guess you could just quit smoking herb then... and learn the theme song to Go Diego, Go!!, which is a little easier to swallow than Dora.

Thomass

PS I think you should buy a big dog.

I think he should continue to live alone, and maybe he can get a CAT, to take care of, and in the mean time, he needs to live alone for a while, to think about what direction he really wants to go in life, a roomate and a lover aren't quite the same thing ;) Oh and BTW NOBODY is gonna tell me I cannot smoke no herb in my own place ;D
Title: Re: roommate possibility
Post by: blackwingbear on March 16, 2010, 02:41:01 pm: Quote from: next2u on March 16, 2010, 11:23:48 am
outside of mtd, queen, ann, philly and a handful of others im not really sure that you care...

bleh,
d

Oh dear. Looks like someone is fishing for compliments and hugs rather than advice.
Title: Re: roommate possibility
Post by: BT65 on March 16, 2010, 05:48:10 pm: Quote from: next2u on March 16, 2010, 11:23:48 am
outside of mtd, queen, ann, philly and a handful of others im not really sure that you care...
bleh,
d

Come on, now. You know I care, D. :-*
Title: Re: roommate possibility
Post by: next2u on March 17, 2010, 12:46:27 am: thanks ...

it's just been kinda rough and it felt like a lot of people were jumping on my ass. and i really feel alone right now. and it fucking blows. i live by myself and outside of work i can go days without talking to people. its not uncommon for my phone not to ring on the weekends.

i have things i can do and people to reach out to but sometimes i just dont feel like being proactive. and he, we talked almost everyday. for over a year. it is hard to let that go. when i got my blood drawn yesterday i wanted to call him, it was our little ritual and now its gone.

this just fucking sucks. and then i come here and i feel like ive opened up only to be characterized as weak and stupid. and then to have him characterized as an asshole. it was a relationship. i still dream about him. i see his car on the road every day. and now when men approach i think of how i feel now and don't want to go through this again (anytime soon).

i had a cat. i wasnt home enough so i had to put him up for adoption. i was raised as an only child...i spent enough of my time alone and have spent a significant amount of time alone. if i am codependent i am also independent by turn.

i dunno, work kicked my ass today. i started feeling nauseous and weak waiting in the grocery store line. life kicked my ass today...

and some of you ... i've shared a lot...and it fuckin sucks...to share so much and then ya know....

anyhow, i have to go to bed. thanks again. skeebo & betty, no offense...i didnt name everyone and definitely said + a handful of others ...you both were included.

sweet dreams,
d
Title: Re: roommate possibility
Post by: Okealyshire on March 17, 2010, 02:26:23 am: A bit late to the thread, but anyway...

Quote from: fearless on March 09, 2010, 05:50:14 pm
KEEP WORK AND YOUR PRIVATE LIFE SEPERATE.

No earthly language can completely capture my consent to and agreement with this statement. Next2u, this statement summarizes my thoughts about the decision you're considering. My own experience, plus that of many others I know, leads me to be certain that Fearless's statement is sage advice indeed.

Quote from: griezzel on March 09, 2010, 06:06:21 pm
(is there christian porn?)

Certainly. This phenomenal specimen comes to mind. (http://net.bible.org/bible.php?book=Sos)
Title: Re: roommate possibility
Post by: Cliff on March 17, 2010, 02:56:42 am: Quote from: next2u on March 17, 2010, 12:46:27 am
thanks ...

it's just been kinda rough and it felt like a lot of people were jumping on my ass.
There's some truth to that. I apologise for my dismissive, sarcastic response.
Title: Re: roommate possibility
Post by: skeebo1969 on March 17, 2010, 03:01:48 am: Quote from: next2u on March 17, 2010, 12:46:27 am
anyhow, i have to go to bed. thanks again. skeebo & betty, no offense...i didnt name everyone and definitely said + a handful of others ...you both were included.

Don't worry D I was kidding above anyways, I know what you meant. Sorry you're having it tough right now, having been through many break ups myself I can totally relate. I always had a tendency after a break up to only look at the good memories, sort of put them on a pedestal like. I think you do this also and until you stop the time to heal your heart will be longer.

I know it's hard man, keep you're chin up.
Title: Re: roommate possibility
Post by: BT65 on March 17, 2010, 04:41:37 am: D, I can relate in that my phone hardly rings also. I believe in my case, I'm too selfish to be in a relationship. I like to do whatever I want, whenever I want, without having to answer to anyone. I realize not everyone is like that.

Don't you have any friends you can hang out with? Like, I do have a couple friends I do things with on the weekend. Sometimes they call me, and sometimes I call them. So, maybe you have to reach out sometimes to others. I don't totally know your whole situation, but that was just a thought.

I only wish you the best, D. It is hard to end a relationship that was so involved. Just be good to yourself.
Title: Re: roommate possibility
Post by: Jeff G on March 17, 2010, 08:35:28 am: Hi D , I apologise if I ever said anything to hurt you .

Being alone is something I was never good at and it was one of the biggest challenge I ever had to face . It took a long time for me to realize facing the fear of being all by my self was really a blessing and something hard worth doing .

These days being alone doesn't mean isolated , I have a few good friends that I see and do things with mostly on the week end . I rarely date these days . I'm open to dating if the right person came alone but being happy alone has helped me break the old habit of being with somebody that maybe is not so good for me . I'm at the point in life now where I honestly feel if I live alone the rest of my life then so what I'm happy .

I feel like I'm a better catch as a friend or a lover since I faced the being alone demon . My independence from the uncomfortable feelings of being alone has helped me see people I may get involved with more clearly .
Title: Re: roommate possibility
Post by: David_CA on March 17, 2010, 09:23:49 am: I'm going to say this without any ill intent, so take it for how it's meant (helpful).

Perhaps you need to join something... anything. A group that goes bowling, gets together for movies, some sort of shared interest (plants and gardening, animals, electronics, etc). I know that there's a local group of gay guys that do things like get together to eat out, go skating, etc. Basically, they make a social event. It works very well. We haven't officially been to one of their 'gatherings', but we have done things with a large number of the group - roller skating. Can imagine a bunch of queens in their 30's up to probably late 50's skating with all the teens and pre-teens? How about the couple skate... what to do? It was a lot of fun, actually, and very tiring.

Anyway, finding something that causes you to be social will also introduce you to many people - both friends and possibly men to date.
Title: Re: roommate possibility
Post by: Hellraiser on March 17, 2010, 09:57:00 am: I agree completely with what David said. Find social venues to do things that aren't bars or the internet. I find it's actually kind of hard to make new friends as an adult sometimes, because unlike kids we won't just come out and say it. I'm a little weird so when I meet people whose company I really enjoy I do just say so.

"I like you, you're my new favorite". Usually people who respond to this kind of oddball chatter are people just like me, so it works out.

Try not to take everything we say as criticism D, we're mostly trying to help in our ways.
Title: Re: roommate possibility
Post by: Ann on March 17, 2010, 11:39:23 am: Quote from: blackwingbear on March 16, 2010, 02:41:01 pm
Oh dear. Looks like someone is fishing for compliments and hugs rather than advice.

So what if he is? This place is somewhere to come for support and hugs, as well as information. ::)

D, my phone doesn't ring very often either, but that's probably more because people know I don't like to talk on the phone all that much. When my mates want to get together or come over, they usually text me.

I joined a pool league this year and I've made some new friends through it. Some are the same age as my daughter, some are my age and some are older. It's a mixed league so there's both men and women - about 50/50 on our team. We have a great time together and laugh our asses off. We just had a match last night and it was great fun, even though we got beat. We've actually only won once so far this season, but we don't care, we're in it for the laughs and social aspect, not to win. We meet up at the weekends sometimes too for some practice. But we mainly practice laughing. :D

I was kicking this guy's ass last night - I was down to the black and he still had five balls on the table. Somehow he got me surrounded in a corner and kept snookering me, the bastard. Like ten times. TEN! When I finally managed to get the black out of the corner, he was able to pot his balls in one turn as they were all sitting on the corner pocket. I screwed up on my shot on the black (in my defence, it wasn't a easy shot) and he potted it on his next go. Boy was I furious! But my team mates rallied 'round and cheered me up with snotty asides about my opponent. ;D We ended up with the whole room in stitches, even the other team. Even my opponent, who was the main butt of the jokes. :D

I guess what I'm saying is I agree with the others about finding some social outlet. If there's no pool league where you're at, there's bound to be a bowling league or softball league or similar. Check it out!

Hang in there buddy.

Ann
xxx
Title: Re: lets call it off
Post by: denb45 on March 17, 2010, 12:42:38 pm: Quote from: next2u on March 17, 2010, 12:32:10 pm
lol, thanks cliff.

if i go to another country hopefully they'll have better health care and i can abandon my debt!!!!

but in alll seriousness i'll take your advice.

best,
d

Hey D let me tell you a thing or 2 I've learned about CC-debt thur the yrs. if you have it GET RID OF IT
and NEVER live above your means, if you live within your means you'll be ok, but if your living above your means your in TROUBLE! I got rid of all of my debt, I paid it off, it took me about 3 to 5 yrs to, but I did it, and now, instead of giving all my money to the CC-companies, I pay myself every month
I still have all my Credit Cards, but REFUSE to use any of them...the bottom-line here is THIS...why pay interest to a bank just to use there cards, PAY YOURSELF instead ;)

MODS..... I meant to put this in the
roommate possibility Thread Please move this over there , I'm having such a Brain-FART-today.. Thanks ;D

http://forums.poz.com/index.php?topic=31659.0
Title: Re: roommate possibility
Post by: denb45 on March 17, 2010, 01:00:30 pm: Quote from: next2u on March 17, 2010, 12:46:27 am

i had a cat. i wasnt home enough so i had to put him up for adoption. i was raised as an only child...i spent enough of my time alone and have spent a significant amount of time alone. if i am codependent i am also independent by turn.

D at least you thought about the health & welfare of that Cat, and gave it up to a shelter for adoption
that says a lot about just who you are, and that's a good thing, I commend you for that, but, D, Please don't be so hard on yourself, time heals all honey, and you'll find your way soon enough, your a good person, and I only wish you the very best ;D
Title: Re: roommate possibility
Post by: skeebo1969 on March 17, 2010, 03:20:05 pm: Don't want to be a stick in the mud or anything, but there is a good chance that kitty was put to sleep.
Title: Re: roommate possibility
Post by: denb45 on March 17, 2010, 03:24:31 pm: Quote from: skeebo1969 on March 17, 2010, 03:20:05 pm

Don't want to be a stick in the mud or anything, but there is a good chance that kitty was put to sleep.
That's possible, if it wasn't adopted :(