Vent..

[RobbyR]

I've had the day from hell and just need to vent some. The office where I work, two people were absent so I covered for them as always, I don't mind that, I like to work, but tonight my boss calls me into her office after I made a deposit for her and told me (in a very nice way) that someone had complained to her about my cologne. I asked if it was just me and she said whoever complained said it was me. I've worn cologne ever since I worked here and nobody ever told me a thing about it the last few months. I was shocked, people always tell me how nice I smell, and I avoid any drama and conflicts at work. I always try to work hard and do my best and am friendly to everyone. I told my boss I was sorry that I'd tone it down. I was kind of shocked at how petty an issue it was. Still shocked that someone would do that over a cologne. I just like to smell nice. Some woman I work with smells like she bathes in perfume. A male co worker told me someone had complained about his wax candles. But why couldn't the person have come to me one on one and told me about it? That's just being a total pussy. Now I'll be looking over my shoulder now. If you're going to complain about an intern then wow you have major issues. I get that people complain at work all the time, but to go tell the boss that you don't like someone's cologne, wow. That's catty as shit. I'd rather smell perfume or cologne than someone's nasty ass body odor. Anyway, it hurts. You work hard and then you get told on. What burns me up is why couldn't the person come tell me directly if they had an issue, why go behind my back like a bitch? I had a full scale panic attack tonight because of this. 

[CaveyUK]

Why? Because some people don't have the capability to be straight with people. I agree - it is hugely annoying. But....but....tell me more about those wax candles? What's all that about?!

[RobbyR]

My boss was really sweet about it, after I apologized, she was nice and said she was sorry that she had to tell me I took that to kind of mean that she felt it was petty too. I'm not sure who told, nor do I really care, but I'll be a lot more on guard now. You can't trust anyone. I told a co-worker and he said it happened to him once, he has this wax scented candle, that smells divine, that he burns sometimes, it's like electric or something, heated, not sure how it works, but he told me someone complained about it once too. To me that is petty as shit. I've never told on anyone if I had a minor issue I'd address it with the person not run and tell someone else like a bitch and play me for a fool. I sweat a lot, sorry, can't help it, I do. And so I use body cream and cologne to make sure I smell nice. I can't believe some nasty ass person would have a legit issue with that. If so, come tell me to my face. One thing's for sure, I'll be a lot more careful who I smile at now in the hall because I don't know who ratted on me and even though it's not a huge deal, I can't stand snitches. Maybe someone singled me out because they can't stand the positive energy I bring to the office, some people are just miserable, and live to make others miserable.

Oh well it is what it is, I'll just start keeping my door shut so nobody can bother me. Maybe I'll use less cologne, guess I have no choice. It seems really invasive though for some bitch to to make me feel like I live in east germany because I don't want to smell like shit. I'm constantly told and complimented on how nice I smell and how nice my office smells. So much for that I guess. 

[mecch]

Robby - I worked for about 8 months in HR at an investment bank. The files WERE filled with such complaints.  You are over reacting.  You see, the person who complained, might be a complainer, sure, but also your cologne might bother this person. People are very touchy about such things, nowadays. Like the candle burning.  While some people might truly believe you smell nice and appreciate your cologne, there are other people who just can't deal. That's the way it is now.  You might want to tone the cologne down and wear unscented deodorant.

I can also say as professor I have had to deal with this a few times.  Students came to me and complained about BO and about strong cologne.  Everytime someone came to me, I sort of agreed that I too had noticed the scents, but I have a higher threshold, then some people.

Its perfectly appropriate for someone who is bothered by scents to pass along the complaint or observation to a manager.  The manager is a power and also is supposed to be neutral, and filter the message.

One doesn't get mad at the messenger (don't shoot the messenger) - the manager - and it is done this way so as to avoid nasty office situations.

I am going to assume if the manager passed it on, she felt like it was a legitimate message to convey to you.

[RobbyR]

Yea I admit i have a quick temper, but if I feel someone is trying to come for me, I get angry. Yea, I understand that some people are bothered by cologne or perfume, I personally don't understand that at all, I'm bothered by scents like shit or vinegar and body odor. I don't blame my boss at all, I believe she was just acting in good faith as the messenger and doing what she had to do. I believe I read people fairly well and that she had rather not tell me such a petty thing but just had to pass it along to me for the sake of whoever is so hyper sensitive. What I'm mad about is just that I feel a bit singled out and dumped on by whoever told. Why couldn't they have come to me in person discretely and mentioned it? Oh well it is what it is I guess. I'll try and wear more "discrete" cologne whatever that means. But I sweat a lot, and I am up moving around a lot on my job, and sweat more. And it's a professional office environment, so yea, I want to smell good. I had a friend once who had terrible body odor and people always made fun of her for it and I swore that would never ever happen to me.

Oh and to top this awful day off, some random stranger screamed "faggot" at me when I went in to pick up dinner, some guy was calling me a fag for wearing an earring.

[mecch]

Robby if you wear deodorant / anti-perspirant -  that should take care of the sweating and any possible BO. which I am sure you do not have.  You are compensating needlessly for "sweating" with the cologne. These calculations should be independent of each other.  1) Not sweating and not having B.O.  And 2) wearing a nice scent.

One of students I was asked to talk to gave me surprising response. He said he knew he wore too much cologne but he felt self-conscious because he was fat and thought he could compensate or distract one with the other.  It didn't work. 

[RobbyR]

I do wear deodorant. I'm constantly complimented on how nice I smell..I can tone it down. I feel kind of stupid though, someone complaining about my smell. My friend suggested maybe it was actually my boss who had the complaint but acted like it came from someone else to cover her tracks..Could that be possible? Because I felt when I asked her about if it was just me she said "the person" who had complained about it so it seemed like she was talking about someone else. But could it have actually been her? Am I reading too much into this? I just feel deflated.

[wolfter]

Just seeing how delicate you appear on these forums, I would have taken any complaints/concerns to your boss instead of approaching you directly.  If the person felt it would turn more confrontational instead of informational, they made the correct choice.

I happen to be one of those that am highly allergic to most perfumes/colognes.  When I'm around someone who over does it, I immediately suffer.  On a few occasions, I have had asthmatic attacks because of it (once when someone promptly sprayed herself right in front of me).

I can't shop in stores close to BBW in the mall for the same reasons.

Therefore, I wouldn't take it personally as someone might be seriously suffering from what you view as pleasant smelling.

[J.R.E.]

Hello Robbie,

I agree with all the responses you've received.  The person or persons, that complained did exactly the right thing, and went through the proper process.  They went to HR, and made a complaint.

HR, handled this situation and did so delicately and professionally.  And by the way, you are not the first nor the last person to be called into HR for Cologne issues. At the opposite end of the spectrum, body odor ( BO ) is another big complaint in the workplace, especially if your working in close proximity to other people.


This happens frequently, throughout many workplaces, so don't be hurt or embarrassed by this. 

In the business, that I retired from in 2013, The employee handbook stated the perfumes and/ or colognes, will not be used by employees. The complaints came from other employees and the residents in the assisted living, and residential living complex, that I worked in. And as a result, it was written into the employee handbook.

You would be amazed, how many employers have this in their handbooks.

Heavily scented individuals with cologne, does nothing for me, except suck the oxygen out of my already abused and sensitive lungs. 

At the same time, I can't stand being around someone who smokes heavily. This sickens me as much as cologne.


There is one guy, that goes to the bar we visit quite regularly, that smells as though, he soaked in a drum of cologne.      As a result wherever he sat down, the people would evacuate 3 chairs in either direction of where he sat.

He finally asked the bartender, why everyone was moving away from him.  The bartender responded that his cologne was too powerful for anyone to be near him.  As a result, he stopped the cologne, and people can now sit next to him, and enjoy a conversation with him.


Take care of yourself---Ray 

[CaveyUK]

Another thought....whilst you may think people saying how nice you smell is a compliment (and it is), it could be a red flag that your cologne is perhaps a bit too strong as I've never found it particularly common to mention anyones aftershave/cologne - or perfume for that matter in the workplace. Very infrequently perhaps....

I want to smell nice at work too, but if I started getting too many comments - either complimentary or not - I may think it needs to be toned down a little as what smells great to one person may be like poisonous gas to another.

The key to smelling good is subtlety, not overpowering the vicinity with a particular fragrance....

I know it feels a bit unfair and underhand, but look on it as a little life lesson perhaps



 

[Jeff G]

I get a nasty allergic reaction to cologne and perfumes and cant be around it. I have problems with many cleaning products … some just for the scent alone. I cant have strong candle’s and many room sprays make me physically ill. I get a really bad headache and my nose runs and burns as well as my throat . It last for hours after being exposed to just a whiff of it. I get a milder version of the problem just going into a department store or certain isles of the grocery store.

I once had to talk to my boss about a coworker who refused to tone it down and even wore more after I asked nicely and explained how bad it affected me. After that experience I think  I would go to the boss before bringing it up to my coworker. If I were certain they would be understanding I may would ask my coworker but I think it best handled by the boss in this situation.

[RobbyR]

Well it is what it is. I personally cannot comprehend someone being "sensitive" to cologne, I think they smell divine, and I can't stand the smell of body odor or stink or bad breath, which trust me I've had a ton of at this job (apparently some people don't know what gum or mouthwash is)..I have a very sensitive nose too, and I frequently am subjected to terrible body odor and sweat smells but I did not complain about those. Moral of the story, you can't trust anyone. You're nice to people at work and they smile at you but they could tattle on you in a second. Just a reminder co-workers are not friends. I'll be a little more paranoid from now on, it's extremely catty to me but whatever. Going to try and just do my job. Maybe I did put too much on, but I also smoke, so sometimes I guess I put some on after smoke breaks without thinking and so maybe it got a bit strong, but whatever. I'll just try and remember to keep it subtle for the sake of Mr. or Ms. Hypersensitivity.

[harleymc]

Take the message on board. Wear lot less cologne or none at all at work. It's a really simple message. Enough of the drama.

Get over it and get on with your job.

[bocker3]

Well it is what it is. I personally cannot comprehend someone being "sensitive" to cologne, I think they smell divine, and I can't stand the smell of body odor or stink or bad breath, which trust me I've had a ton of at this job (apparently some people don't know what gum or mouthwash is)..I have a very sensitive nose too, and I frequently am subjected to terrible body odor and sweat smells but I did not complain about those. Moral of the story, you can't trust anyone. You're nice to people at work and they smile at you but they could tattle on you in a second. Just a reminder co-workers are not friends. I'll be a little more paranoid from now on, it's extremely catty to me but whatever. Going to try and just do my job. Maybe I did put too much on, but I also smoke, so sometimes I guess I put some on after smoke breaks without thinking and so maybe it got a bit strong, but whatever. I'll just try and remember to keep it subtle for the sake of Mr. or Ms. Hypersensitivity.

Robby,

You are, I think, missing the point that a few have made here. 

There are people for whom, being around cologne or any fragrance (candles, cleaning product, etc) is not just an "annoyance", but something that can make them very ill and in some cases could be life-threatening.  My late step-mother had COPD and any scent at all, even scented deodorant would cause her to have a severe attack where she very well would have needed to go to the hospital for breathing treatments.

So -- please, stop taking this so personally and try to put yourself into someone else's shoes who may just be suffering physically from the cologne.  It is NOT ABOUT YOU -- it is about the cologne.  This complaint doesn't say you are a bad person -- it is simply that someone, for some reason (perhaps healthwise) needs less cologne scent in their vicinity. 

You spend a lot of time venting about how people do this or that to you -- if you truly want people to be nice, you need to show some empathy for them too.  This is not the big deal that you have made it in your head.  I am sure that you aren't going to "smell" bad with less or no cologne on.

Mike

[wolfter]

Well it is what it is. I personally cannot comprehend someone being "sensitive" to cologne,

Lack of empathy leads to stigma.     You know, like how people don't comprehend how pozzies sometimes fret about? 

You're not the center of the universe. 

[CaveyUK]

I also smoke, so sometimes I guess I put some on after smoke breaks without thinking and so maybe it got a bit strong

This is probably your problem then.

Put some on in the morning when you get up and then leave it be.

Trying to overpower the smell of smoke with cologne is a recipe for people to take offence. Instead, chew some minty gum after smoking or switch to vaping at work.

Also smokers usually have an impaired sense of smell. I know from experience. So this may also contribute too you over-doing it without realising.

[abrokenman]

I'll throw in my Two cents on the topic after reading the responses. I too would rather be next to/around a Person who smells pleasant than to smell a very offensive odor. I do wear scented deodorant and a splash of cologne to work because I don't want to offend anyone with any unpleasant odor but I limit the amount that I use. When I first read the Op's post I thought "I bet the Person who complained is probably someone who has a severe case of halitosis breathing out their petty complaint in the Boss's face and not have a problem in doing so" I would not doubt it as People are quick to call out others on their flaws but ignore their own, that's how some People are.

Most Businesses usually put in Company handbooks (I know my Company does) a section of what to and not to wear, good hygiene practices and such and if complaints are brought forth then it is up to HR personnel to address the situation but if you open that Pandora box then every employee could submit endless complaints, to many to address. I deal with quite a few coworkers who have very bad breath and some have a horrible body odor so to those I just keep my distance when working with them and deal with it - I don't run to management and complain what's the use as I would always be complaining.

When We, as people leave our Castles we have to tolerate all others as you are "now" in society and no longer in control what does or does not make you comfortable or happy. In example, when I go out to a restaurant (and this happens to me almost every time) I prefer to eat my meal in peace and not have some other patron sit there and blow their damn nose as I am trying to enjoy my dinner experience but what can I do about it - nothing because I am in Society. I too have allergies along with asthma so if I encounter over powering scents I try to distance myself from the area and if I can't then I have to deal with it. Again, if you don't like things outside your home then stay home because you can't control everything that you experience in public.

I would suggest to OP, don't take it as a personal assault against you but more as constructive criticism and don't change who you are but rather change your cologne application techniques - not to please others but to please your inner security knowing that you will never have to have that type of conversation again. 

[bocker3]

When We, as people leave our Castles we have to tolerate all others as you are "now" in society and no longer in control what does or does not make you comfortable or happy. In example, when I go out to a restaurant (and this happens to me almost every time) I prefer to eat my meal in peace and not have some other patron sit there and blow their damn nose as I am trying to enjoy my dinner experience but what can I do about it - nothing because I am in Society. I too have allergies along with asthma so if I encounter over powering scents I try to distance myself from the area and if I can't then I have to deal with it. Again, if you don't like things outside your home then stay home because you can't control everything that you experience in public.

While I generally agree with your post -- I think that there is a distinction between "public" and work.  One can choose to avoid restaurants if running into something like cologne is a problem for you (and as has been pointed out previously, for some the "problem" is a life-threatening situation).  However, most can't simply choose to avoid the workplace.  People need to make money in order to survive.  Granted, some complainers may be doing so merely because they don't like it -- but for others it is actually a health concern and to minimize that by saying "don't leave your home" is not at all very civil. 

Would you feel the same way if the complaint was because someone brought nuts into an office where it is known that someone has a life-threatening allergy to nuts?  Some people run into problems just being exposed to nuts in the air -- not necessarily consuming them.  At my last job, there were signs at every entry point stating that someone had a severe allergy to banana's and to please not eat or bring bananas onto the floor.  I complied with nary a 2nd thought.

So your point about having to deal with things in public is, in fact, two-sided.  I love bananas, but I needed to be cognizant of others needs too -- so I ate them at home.  This enabled us to both enjoy ourselves in the office.

Finally -- if one wears cologne for fear of offending someone with "unpleasant body odor" -- why would one then be upset that someone is offended by what they perceive as "unpleasant body odor", i.e. the cologne?  Unpleasant odor is in the nostril of the beholder!   

Mike

[abrokenman]

Would you feel the same way if the complaint was because someone brought nuts into an office where it is known that someone has a life-threatening allergy to nuts?  Some people run into problems just being exposed to nuts in the air -- not necessarily consuming them.  At my last job, there were signs at every entry point stating that someone had a severe allergy to banana's and to please not eat or bring bananas onto the floor.  I complied with nary a 2nd thought.

So your point about having to deal with things in public is, in fact, two-sided.  I love bananas, but I needed to be cognizant of others needs too -- so I ate them at home.  This enabled us to both enjoy ourselves in the office.

Finally -- if one wears cologne for fear of offending someone with "unpleasant body odor" -- why would one then be upset that someone is offended by what they perceive as "unpleasant body odor", i.e. the cologne?  Unpleasant odor is in the nostril of the beholder!   

Mike

So what you are saying is that the work place should not only post of a persons nut allergies but every and ALL allergies should be posted? Then doesn't that make it hard on the Employer to cover everything to suit the health and welfare of ALL Employees? I highly doubt that people who bring in a cookie tray for the Holidays has a disclaimer of all the ingredients that are in the cookies so other employees know the risk factor. It is up to the Person with the allergies to ask before ingesting any food product. If we had to divide everyone's situation down into categories then break it down even more so in sub categories then Company's would have to become a segregated work place. NO Company is going to do that as the majority of the work force does not have or get peripheral treatment over maybe 1 Person who such a condition. Yes, a Company can try to come to common ground on the topic but if they had to do it for the majority of the work force then that put's them in a very tight predicament. Yes, people have to work in order to make a living but it's not a Company who has to make the Company a perfect fit for everyone, it's the Person who has to seek employment that is the perfect fit for them. I don't recall the OP's boss telling him that the "complainer" has allergies to strong colognes or perfume, if that was the case then His Boss should have told Him the reason was due to allergies or even remind Him of the Company handbook policy about that topic (even if they have such a handbook) He was owed an explanation along with the discussion. Some Companies are structured as strict adherence to no perfumes/colognes, deodorant or even scent smelling soaps on their Employees such as Medical facilities that manufacture medical devices or a vitamin plant but let's face it most places are not like that

Once a complainer, always a complainer - you can't make Everyone happy. I'm not saying People should go out of their way to ignore someone's situation knowing that it can cause them problems but you can't meet everyone's expectations and how many people on a day-to-day basis don't infringe on your situations, problems or concerns throughout the entire day, everyday.  Society is to divided enough as it is these days.

[skeebo1969]

  Robbie has two choices: he can either take a stand and splash more cologne on, or he can tone it back some and wear less.   Either way, the job will never hang a plaque telling which decision he made.  He'll just have to live with it.

  I wish it was just a cologne issue at my job.  A lot of the men I work with  have got their concealed weapons permit in the last 3 months.  One person got it, and everyone else followed suit.  Now they all walk around with their guns on them and I'm not real comfortable with it.

  It's a private company and the owner has no problem with it.  If ole Skeebo ever takes one for the team I have confidence that one of the good people here will point this post out to the authorities.  Mind you, not to change anything.... but, it may help get my face on 60 Minutes.

[Basquo]

Adding my two cents...I love my olfactory sense and  love colognes, candles, incense...I love when people smell nice and I wonder what their regimen is to make them smell so good and interesting. That said, when I worked in the hospital I developed a MAJOR sensitivity to a particular perfume. Perry Ellis One. If I am around it, my eyes immediately tear up and go red. It smells so strong that I can taste it in the back of my mouth. Eventually I'll start coughing and I've never stuck around long enough to see what happens after that.

I had someone in my department who started wearing it, and after a couple of days I did what I thought was the right thing and went directly to her. I explained what I just explained above. I thought I was being nice about it, and went to her because I didn't think we needed to involve management, which was complicated because she was a contract worker for another company but functioned as one of our own. Next thing you know, her boss is calling me and saying that I was confrontational and prejudiced. Me, international lover of many, basically called a racist because of my allergy.

I wish everyone would try to put themselves in the nasal context of other people who have to share the same atmosphere. Maybe tone it down, maybe try a different scent, and maybe understand that some folks don't want the direct approach because it's sometimes interpreted as confrontational.

Now I'm just going to dab on some vanilla before bed so my partner will dream of cookies.