POZ Community Forums
Main Forums => Living With HIV => Topic started by: CalvinC on June 22, 2006, 03:33:29 pm
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I am wondering about y'all, how you distinguish between a genuine need for concern about factors concerning HIV and your own health and an unwitting gathering of TMI.
For example, I am newly diagnosed, and I know HIV up and down. Not on meds, likely won't be for years. Will be getting my first numbers July 5, with my second blood work Sep 1 or so. And I am feeling that, until Sep 1, I really don't want to dwell on HIV, beyond posting in this forum. I don't want to read up on the latest press release, don't want to think about medications, and so on. My therapist suggested kindly that I might be hiding somewhat behind the emotional turmoil of my recent breakup-that-is-and-isn't, and I think he might have a point. But does that mean I am in denial about my HIV? And/or that the information hasn't fully hit me yet?
Andrew (once known as Cal)
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Hi Andrew,
From what you've written, I wouldn't say you are in denial. I'm not in the position to analyse your life, but I can tell you that after 18 years of living with HIV, I find too much focus on HIV and not enough focus on living can be detrimental to one's well-being.
Clearly you’re aware of your status. That’s not denial. You have a plan of action. That isn’t denial either.
The beauty part of being in denial is that if you are, you don’t know you are. :o LOL
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The beauty part of being in denial is that if you are, you don’t know you are. :o LOL
hahahahahah!!! Beautifully put, Daniel, very beautifully put....
Andrew
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How can we tell when it's "denial"?
First off, you would more than likely be standing in Papyrus.
There would be a load of animals in the water, and probably a few hand hewn canoes with men doing net fishing.
And, finally, you would be sweating your ass off.
Sorry, Andrew, I couldn't help myself. ;D Really, please don't try too hard at this point, and make most of your energy directed inward and towards finding what will make your SOUL happy in the future life with HIV. There are loads of things in a "normal" life that are totally unnecessary, and to keep this kind of shit in our lives is a total waste of energy. Remember, we take the garbage out when the bag is full; we don't stash it and carry it with us through our lives. Like our garbage, sometimes we carry a whole shitload of emotional crap with us for way too long. This is what I mean when I ask people to examine their lives and get rid of all that negative shit that drags us down. Who the hell needs it??
Just keep plodding along, you are on the right track and soon you will see the daylight and clarity will rule your life and spirit. Just try to not be to impatient and let your mind, body and soul become comfortable with the New You, and all that this brings to the table.
In Love and Support.
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Dear Andrew,
You started 2 threads within an hour of each, both, going +/- in the same direction.
I had chosen to post here because i fully agree with DanielMark's post.
YOU know maybe the time has come to say GOODBYE to the Winter CalvinC alas Cal
AND WELCOME IN THE SPRING CalvinC alas Andrew (formerly known as Cal, i've come out of my anonymity closet ) Spring does have alot of positively energies, everything becomes alive, everything want to grow & become big & strong ;) ;)
[/quote]
Just keep plodding along, you are on the right track and soon you will see the daylight and clarity will rule your life and spirit. Just try to not be to impatient and let your mind, body and soul become comfortable with the New You, and all that this brings to the table.
Siang
PS : hope it comes out fine, first time that i quote.
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I'm not a therapist or anything like that. But I'd say that if you were in denial you'd be out partying, putting your body through a lot of stress, sleeping around, etc. Maybe you just don't want to think about HIV for awhile? When first diagnosed I read every website, book, journal article I could get my hands on. Later I went through a period of time where I did not visit any hiv-related website for probably a year. I think you'll find a balance at some point. Sometimes I feel that I need an "information-vacation."
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Andrew,
My doctor diagnosed me with a VL of 6,000. Enough for a diagnosis but pretty low for primary infection. There was definitely a part of me that thought, 'Maybe it reacted with something else I have. Maybe I won't test positive on an antibody.' I think that's what you would call denial.
My situation isn't exactly like yours. But I came out of a relationship that went badly and then 6 weeks later I had HIV. These feelings are so raw and powerful. I think it can be hard to differentiate, and it's alot to deal with all at once.
Just give yourself some space and time and I believe what you're feeling and why will become more clear. There's no need to solve the puzzle tonight.
:)
brian
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Andrew, I think denial works both ways. Some poz people immerse themselves in all things HIV/AIDS ("dwell" on it) as a way to deny themselves of more sensible & practical, "no-cost" actions for improving their lives. :-\ That's denial IMHO. For example, a friend of mine who has HIV says his life was already complex before HIV. His life complexities more or less explain his bad luck in love and other drama, according to him. Now he's got HIV to add to his cake batter.
I don't know you nor your therapist, but I don't agree with what your therapist said. well at least they were words to ponder. good luck to you in july and september! :)
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Thanks all for the feedback, and yes, I think it's not denial but simply a need for breathing space. I've got enough to deal with, and since there is no impeding doom and since this virus isn't leaving me anytime soon (!), there is no need to rush rush rush into being Mr HIV Facts (if ever).
Many thanks,
Andrew