I know I should go ahead and start medication, but I have so many fears and worries about it. It's like once you start, there's no going back. I guess it's a moment of acceptance, and it just hits you -- man, I really have HIV for the rest of my life.
Also, I'm insured by my employers group health care. I know they can't find out, but what if I lose my job, will I have to go on drug assistance? I won't be able to afford thousands a month for medication. Would there be a break in my treatment due to this? I live in VA / MD, and I believe there is a waiting list here.
To my mind, this is not evidence of disease progression, it's evidence of one low CD4% test which is unimportant in the context of a CD4 count over 500 on 3 consecutive tests.
Furthermore, I've noticed barely visible, painless, pencil eraser sized light red spots all over my body. They are hard to see because they are so light, and I'm very hairy. But when I noticed them on my genitals, I became worried. Not sure what to make of this. Maybe this is due to supplements I'm taking... NAC, Fish Oil, organic liquid vitamins? IDK. :(
Thanks meech for the stern, but kind words... it's great to have someone to talk to about my deepest fears. I still haven't told a soul except for my partner that I'm poz. I know that when I start meds, that may have to change though... seems my whole world will change.
What exactly is the fear and worry? Spell it out so people here can dissuade you with facts and experience.
You have had HIV since the day the virus got hold of your body. Whether you needed HAART or not was only secondary. YOu had it sine then and by most accountings, you'll have it forever. Its a manageable disease and has been for a long time, by virtue of the existence of good medicine.
These fears seem more concrete and if you haven't already figured out this aspect of living with HIV - how am I going to afford and access care and treatment - now is the time.
An internet friend of mind said to start with a classic ARV treatment, not like the quad or atripla, but a less popular (but potent one), so that I wouldn’t have to worry about running out of options later…
I'm not sure that your "internet friend" is particularly wise.
lol... well, his doctor told him that. he's on nevirapine and avocomb? says he's doing fine. and when/if he develops resistance, he'll consider atripla or something better. I'm leaning towards the quad pill myself, but I'm not sure. I need to do some research. Any advice is greatly appreciated.Ive thought about that as well. If you go on a new med and build resistance, will/could that burn out more options than an older med/regimen?
The majority of patients change regimens due to side effects issues, NOT because of adherence (and thus resistance) issues. Why do people insist on worrying about things before they occur? This only serves to increase your anxiety levels and is not productive.
I didn't know... I've read so many web sites and I kept seeing that term come up... it's painted a very bad picture in my mind of some patients trying every drug out there, and finally on the last regimen, which I believe is a shot? while hoping and praying that the shot works for the rest of their life.
This is why it's often counter-productive for a newly diagnosed person to read things on the internet.
Well, my fears are simply that once I start medicine that I will fail at taking the medicine at the same time every day for the rest of my life. If I understand correctly, that's what I need to succeed. I'm also afraid because I’m a big guy and they say the virus causes inflammation… and now I’m thinking I could have a heart attack or something any day now. I have had some aches come and go, and I think that’s because of hiv inflammation… I’m not sure though. Like the other day, my elbow felt like I had banged it into a brick wall, and I couldn’t lie on it or anything, but the truth is I there was no trauma to my elbow.
It was my hope that I would be able to keep the virus at minimum levels and maintain a good cd4 count while for as long as possible, but it seems like that time is coming to an end quickly. So now I’m trying to convince myself to go ahead and start the meds… and I’m considering which med to start with. An internet friend of mind said to start with a classic ARV treatment, not like the quad or atripla, but a less popular (but potent one), so that I wouldn’t have to worry about running out of options later…
And I just fear losing it all and having to go on public assistance… I mean, look at our economy. It’s scary. And it’s very unstable. But I guess I just have to jump out in faith. Things are very stable with my job right NOW, but I’m thinking about years into the future… you know?