HIV scare help

[ninebagpipes]

Apologies if this isn't allowed but I am genuinely petrified. I hadn't had sex for 6 years and on 8 August a then friend (male, I am female) enticed me, I feel extreme regret. It was protected intercourse. However, I am not sure at point the condom was removed or whether it was properly used, I got carried away and it makes me feel terrible. It has been the worst 6 weeks. He ejaculated outside on my belly and his hand (apologies for the details) but I know that pre-cum could also carry the risk. I remember checking the condom when he left and I put water into it but I am not sure about the moment he removed the condom as I know he masturbated to finish outside (again apologies). I'd asked him personally whether he had something, not only we are no longer friends due to this as he may have felt offended. He said he never took risks but this may sound silly I didn't trust that and I think he may be bi (nothing against it just risk being higher).

 
On 29 August I tested positive for covid (had cough, temperature and unwell generally), I freaked out as I had covid back in March so despite the lateral flow tests being positive I still was scared it may have been HIV especially having had covid back in March of this year. I had blood drawn 22 days post exposure and finger prick sample sent to a lab on day 28 both negative. They both said that it may be inaccurate if before 45 days so now I am still waiting for the test done last week and incredibly scared.

Please any help/ advice would be greatly appreciated.

[Jim Allen]

Hiya,

Ejaculating on your belly and hand isn't an HIV risk to you.

I'd asked him personally whether he had something, not only we are no longer friends due to this as he may have felt offended.

He could have claimed to have tested yesterday, would not mean anything due to the window period and also because people lie. That said, if he was living with HIV and successfully on treatment, then he could not pass on HIV, but you can't verify that.

So, in short, nothing that he could have said would mean anything.

On 29 August I tested positive for covid (had cough, temperature and unwell generally), I freaked out as I had covid back in March so despite the lateral flow tests being positive
 

Sorry to hear you had covid twice; happening to plenty of people, though.  Do hope you are feeling somewhat better now.

I remember checking the condom when he left and I put water into it but I am not sure about the moment he removed the condom as I know he masturbated to finish outside (again apologies).

I am still waiting for the test done last week and incredibly scared.

If you believe that condomless intercourse took place, you can test to confirm your HIV & STI status. Not sure what you are scared about; it's not the testing itself, so I presume the result?

Test at six weeks post your last potential exposure with a blood draw (lab) antibody test. The result at this time will rarely change, and retesting at three months generally isn't needed. Consult your healthcare provider about screening for other STIs.

As for testing condoms with water, stop doing it. It's not needed, not designed to be used that way and could damage the condom, mistakenly leading you to think the condom was damaged during sex when you caused the damage after the intercourse by trying to "test" it with water. In short, testing the condom yourself is not a reliable way to tell you anything.

Here's what you need to know to avoid HIV infection:
Use condoms for anal or vaginal intercourse correctly and consistently, with no exceptions. Consider talking to your healthcare provider about PrEP as an additional layer of protection against HIV

Keep in mind that some sexual practices described as safe in terms of acquiring HIV still pose a risk for other easier acquired STIs. So please do get tested at least yearly for STIs, including but not limited to HIV, and more frequently if condomless intercourse occurs.

Also, note that it is possible to have an STI and show no signs or symptoms, and the only way of knowing is by testing.

Kind regards

Jim

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[ninebagpipes]

Thanks for getting back to me and apologies if anything I wrote didn't sound right. Yes, for sure scared of the result. He's not removed the condom during but after once he needed to finish 'outside' but given the fear and all everything seems so blurry and increases the fear with the what ifs... I am waiting for the results 35 days after the event. Would the 22 days post exposure lab test result not be accurate then?

[Jim Allen]

HHe's not removed the condom during but after once he needed to finish 'outside' but given the fear and all everything seems so blurry and increases the fear with the what ifs

Hiya,

Thank you for the clarification.

I'm sorry to hear you have this fear but sounds like an irrational fear, see if no condomless intercourse occurred then there was no HIV concern to be had as nothing else you have mentioned so far would be an HIV risk.

Would the 22 days post exposure lab test result not be accurate then?

It would be within the window period so not yet conclusive. However, based on what you posted so far I see no reason for HIV testing outside of standard yearly screening and I would recommend you move on with your life. 

[Jim Allen]

Look, if something happened that's not being mentioned, test at six weeks post your last potential exposure with a blood draw (lab) antibody test. The result at this time will rarely change, and retesting at three months generally isn't needed. Consult your healthcare provider about screening for other STIs.

Regarding fearing the results, I can understand worrying about living with HIV. However, it's a "what if" that has not happened and prehaps never will happen to you and stressing about it isn't going to change anything.

Also, although HIV is best avoided if possible, living with HIV nowadays, particularly when diagnosed and treated early, means life goes on pretty much as normal. It's 2022, and life expectancy is "normal", HIV isn't a roadblock to careers or living a full life, and with successful treatment, someone living with HIV also can't sexually pass the virus on.

Take it easy. 

[ninebagpipes]

Many thanks, I have mentioned it all - intercourse with condom but fear as not my partner, something I’d never done before. I am having results back this week 5 weeks after and getting tested this week as it would be the sixth.

Thanks again.

[Jim Allen]

You're welcome.