POZ Community Forums
Main Forums => Living With HIV => Topic started by: auspoz on August 30, 2013, 11:26:53 am
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Hi peeps. So I rarely look at grindr or anything any more, but yesterday I opened Grindr to read awful things. "Your body is ridden with disease", "you should die".
Who the fuck does that? I replied with "what a delightful introduction" yada yada.
I wish I could disappear. At least I wouldn't be lonely or cursed.
Hurt.
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Hi peeps. So I rarely look at grindr or anything any more, but yesterday I opened Grindr to read awful things. "Your body is ridden with disease", "you should die".
Who the fuck does that? I replied with "what a delightful introduction" yada yada.
I wish I could disappear. At least I wouldn't be lonely or cursed.
Hurt.
Heya
I am sorry you were treated badly. The internet in general tends to bring out the mean spirited trolls who anonymously post shit. And GRINDR brings out the worst HIV-phobic, racist, awful people who seem stunningly ignorant of the notionof Karma.
I am assuming you put your status in your profile? If so, you might as well take it off and save thart disclosure for chat. Better yet, find an online dating service like Scruff, which is more talky, more friendly, and not just a hookup site.
Sadly, hookup apps inspire the meanest cruelest people to say awful things. If you are just looking for a hookup, you are going to have to learn to endure that. If you think you want or deserve something different, you will unfortunately have to go shopping elsewhere.
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Thank you. It hurts. And if I see another "partnered, just looking for fun" or "bb neg only", I'll scream. Fucktatds!
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Thank you. It hurts. And if I see another "partnered, just looking for fun" or "bb neg only", I'll scream. Fucktatds!
Fucktards, exactly. Neg bb only is a temporary designation anyhow.
*modified to add: you are not cursed. Hope you know that.
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Hey Auspoz,
Sorry for the bad experience, but always remember, anonymous comments can only hurt if you allow them to hurt you. I only care about opinions that come from people who know me, or those whom I respect.
All the rest is just noise.
Joe
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Hope your feeling better.
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I am not trying to hijack the thread and I am sorry you had a bad experience on Grindr but I feel I must express my positive experience with it this week. I started using a province in Western Canada that has a reputation of being backwards (which I strongly disagree with and this experience proves that)
In this small rural town I met a few guys who are supposed to be "close minded" and after disclosing my HIV status the majority were brilliantly supportive. A lot of them said we can just do a hand job with each other, and play safe. It was a surreal experience as I was expecting outright rejection but to my surprise the opposite happened. Of course, some said "sorry dude but too scared" but this was not as offensive as I thought it would be.
Once again sorry auspoz for the negative comment you experienced but this guy was a douche, and you happened to interact with him.
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Sometimes I tell my shrink about the ratfuck that is gay online cruising. She is a straight, not all that hip woman, and she is satisfyingly (to me) appalled but then says wise stuff like jkinatl2 and killfolie just gave you.
Just a couple a weeks ago I got an repulsive message similar to what you got. I mentioned it here in the forums and the feedback is always a good reminder. Its only human that we have emotional buttons that can be pushed by meanies, and not instantly let the mind protect us, because as Killfolie says... that the way to deal.
on the other hand, try to remember the good contacts you, and others, have made online, cause its not all bad. All the fish in the sea aren't cold-blooded dumb sharks.
I also remember all the the decades I was able to have a lot of sex, lovers, boyfriends and all the permutations, by all the different ways we gays have set up. If one way isn't working, there are others.. If one crowd isn't pleasing there are others.
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Sorry to hear about the disgusting messages. It is true--just about any online platform seems to bring out the most vile people. I can read a story a news agency posted, that you would think would not bring out such people, because the story isn't political or divisive. But, even in those "feel good" stories, you will have some posting hateful things. There was a story of a woman down on her luck and was robbed. The story was how people came to her defense and offered help. Well, some replied how she was ugly, make up terrible, hair ugly, clothes ugly, and how she had her finger nails manicured, so she must not be too down on her luck.
When the HIV trashing happens on hookup sites, I think some react to feel better about themselves. They have been hooking up bareback and know they could easily be poz, but they can't face that reality. So, they have to lash out at those who are open with their status. It is a reaction of the hate they have for themselves. Of course, some are just evil assholes.
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To call GRINDR a ratfuck does a great disservice to the beautiful thing that is a ratfuck.
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Well, I just ran into another example of the hateful folks trolling. The TV station I worked at posted a pic of a former weatherman, who recently had a heart transplant. Sure enough, here comes a few people saying he deserved it for the bad forecasts. Not funny. One guy wrote what had to be a 1,000 word diatribe about how this happened, because he was living in sin and needs to repent. Seriously, it had to be 1,000 words in a FB comment section. This weatherman is the nicest, most sweetest, and most gentle person I've ever met. Not a hateful bone in his body.
Don't mean to take away from what happened to you by saying it happens to everyone, but it just shows how so many just wait to pounce with an evil comment, no matter the subject or the person.
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To call GRINDR a ratfuck does a great disservice to the beautiful thing that is a ratfuck.
Yet another occasion where this site needs a "LIKE" button.
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darryaz, I'm reminded of an old saying: "People are disappointing."
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I quote, because I saved a screenshot of this charming opening message I received in March, titled "Gay Men Spread Their Virus". Ahem:
"You're handsome man. Your AIDS tattoo turns me on big time. I'm obsessed with HIV. When I looked at your pictures, I said outloud 'AIDS' 'AIDS' 'AIDS.' Because that's what your body is. Would love to talk to you another time. Joe"
This was too much, even for me.
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Hi peeps. So I rarely look at grindr or anything any more, but yesterday I opened Grindr to read awful things. "Your body is ridden with disease", "you should die".
Who the fuck does that? I replied with "what a delightful introduction" yada yada.
I wish I could disappear. At least I wouldn't be lonely or cursed.
Hurt.
A number of the posters who are saying how horrible it was that you were bullied online have been attacking me for weeks for having the audacity to say I don't want to go to a clinic where the clients smell and I get poor treatment. They are all hypocrites....... Im fairly open about my HIV status and have been mocked and insulted for decades. Its par for the course so get used to it.
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A number of the posters who are saying how horrible it was that you were bullied online have been attacking me for weeks for having the audacity to say I don't want to go to a clinic where the clients smell and I get poor treatment. They are all hypocrites....... Im fairly open about my HIV status and have been mocked and insulted for decades. Its par for the course so get used to it.
Really? You're going to compare the argument you had here with the OP being called diseased and telling him he should die?
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Color me shocked ::)
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A number of the posters who are saying how horrible it was that you were bullied online have been attacking me for weeks for having the audacity to say I don't want to go to a clinic where the clients smell and I get poor treatment. They are all hypocrites....... Im fairly open about my HIV status and have been mocked and insulted for decades. Its par for the course so get used to it.
People responded to a thread you authored and you responded back to them tit for tat . This is simply flame baiting here so consider this your one and only warning . If there is any more of this from you it will result in a time out .
I urge others to not respond so we can simply move past this , thanks .
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Grindr is required by Australian law to provide service that is free from discrimination including discrimination on the basis of disability.
This means they are required by law to stop other useres of their service from posting these hate speech messages to you. Given that you acess Grindr via phone there is probably an offence under the Telecomunications Act. First stop, go see your gay & lesbian liasion officer at your local police station.
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Grindr is required by Australian law to provide service that is free from discrimination including discrimination on the basis of disability.
This means they are required by law to stop other useres of their service from posting these hate speech messages to you. Given that you acess Grindr via phone there is probably an offence under the Telecomunications Act. First stop, go see your gay & lesbian liasion officer at your local police station.
Wow, brilliant...
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First stop, go see your gay & lesbian liasion officer at your local police station.
**cues cheesy porn music** :P
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Firstly, thanks everyone for your support. I know this sounds corny, but I know I'm not alone. The stigma shit is hard, isn't it.
Oh and secondly, phillypinko or whatever you call yourself, bite my pert, lily-white arse! I got more runs on the board than your puny, small-minded, egocentric and vile mind could imagine. Wanna be angry, direct it at someone who deserves it. Not me!
When you want empathy, go fuck a mirror or rat. Same thing in your case. You have just successfully alienated yourself from everyone here who, for a long time, have given me the strength to go on. Are you proud of yourself and your inconsiderate "witty post"? I think you should be banned.
(Sorry moderators! But what they said is downright rude!)
Where's the "block" button.
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that's why I don't go on sites like Adam or Grindr/
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Firstly, thanks everyone for your support. I know this sounds corny, but I know I'm not alone. The stigma shit is hard, isn't it.
Oh and secondly, phillypinko or whatever you call yourself, bite my pert, lily-white arse! I got more runs on the board than your puny, small-minded, egocentric and vile mind could imagine. Wanna be angry, direct it at someone who deserves it. Not me!
When you want empathy, go fuck a mirror or rat. Same thing in your case. You have just successfully alienated yourself from everyone here who, for a long time, have given me the strength to go on. Are you proud of yourself and your inconsiderate "witty post"? I think you should be banned.
(Sorry moderators! But what they said is downright rude!)
Where's the "block" button.
If you have a problem with a member use the report to moderator function . You came back in after I issued a warning ( see reply 17 ) The name calling and personal attacks are against the rules and uncalled for . I'm issuing a waning to you , don't do this again .