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So I just messed my life up

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Ruined Life:
Im on Biktarvy, dont feel any side affects so far.
Also have to take
1 x antihistamine daily
1 x omeprazole daily
1 x Trimethoprim/sulfamethoxazole every other day

Things will stop in time and once she is gone the real struggle will begin.
She is trying to do everything herself now but also has got friends involved to help her.

Iv been to 1 mental health group so far, i live in Spain.
The doctors treat this like its just the norm. They have been great.
I feel my letters are helping me, I kept saying to my brother, once thing are written or said they are out my head.
I am trying self healing first but will always seek help when needed.
My brother has been great and giving me list of reason to stay around.

As bad as it sounds a main concern is she can move on and I cannot. She is a very attractive woman and always get attention.

She has been hard done by so why shouldn't she move on and have fun. I know its the last thing on her mind but its the first on mine.

These are petty things that I must not dwell on and need to get out my head.
Work is going to be the worst as I am the boss.

Tonny2:



          ojo.              Gola tio!, lamento mucho tu situacion but I guess you are right, you ruined your marriage, if you are her boss you have to behave like a boss, she is the one that has to leave her job I think…well about what I know about hiv, you are taking a good medication, I wish I could take one pill a day. You are going to fine it takes some time to get used to being hiv + but it’s not the end of the world, my mantea is that there are others with worse condition, trust me…about what’s going to happen and n 30 of taking meds,nobody knows although I’ve been taking meds for 29 years and very toxic meds, I haven’t grown a third eye, which it would help me because I just got rid of one, my pipi is still small, lol. What I mean is that you have not other choice if you want to have another chance to vindicate your life, because not taking medication means bye-bye. Comprendes?… wishing you the best, we are here for you and I hope and you quit thinking about killing yourself and look for help because life is good even living with HIV. Maybe in the future you will find someone else who will love you for who you are…abrazos

Jim Allen:
I'm glad to hear your brother is supportive, as for self-healing, fine but I would urge you do this in addition to working with professionals. Keep going to the mental health group you mentioned, also seek one-to-one therapy and make sure your HIV specialists & therapist are both aware of how you are feeling and the suicidal thoughts.   


--- Quote from: Ruined Life on April 21, 2024, 05:03:57 am ---As bad as it sounds a main concern is she can move on and I cannot. She is a very attractive woman and always get attention.

--- End quote ---

Managing your spouse at work, there are so many good reasons why this is a terrible idea.

Can't be changed right now, so keep things professional at work, and don't do anything stupid. If you are working for a large corporation you might want to give HR a heads-up about this situation with your wife.

As for her moving on, it's not a competition between you and secondly what she does with her life and with whom she does it has nothing to do with you. Focus instead on getting better mentally for yourself and your daughter and work through the situation one day at a time, things will get better, but it will take time.



Ruined Life:
I know she can do what she wants and none of my business. I just wont be able to go our local bars ect....I can not see it.
Im just acting like a baby and feel hard done by, women do say "take a toy away from a child and he will want it back, same goes for men"
In time we will see if I did love her as much as I thought but after all I did cheat so. My own fault.

I knew the answer, just needed to hear it.

Moving on, went on a hike today with my daughter in the forest so cleared my head.

All is ok at the moment with my mental heath, I know it will come in stages along the way. I just need to fill my time and get her out my head.

Work is no issue as the owner knows the truth as hes a friend of ours and is helping her, given her a pay-rise and told her she can take what she wants from work for the apartment. Even suggested he would buy some where for her to rent off him cheap.

Ill keep updating as it all unfolds..........
   

Ruined Life:
Well it's all been shit if I'm honest.
Ex Mrs got the contract for her apartment. Moves in on the first.
I spent yesterday ordering things for my daughter's new home.
Stuff I won't see her use.
Stuff for the kitchen and her bedroom.
My ex was excited about it all.
She won't let me buy stuff for her bedroom.
Iv setup a vpn to my house for them to still access my media library and streaming service.
Any little thing I can do to help but I really hate doing it knowing no more family movie nights.
Everything is set up for my daughter's second life.
My ex is well and truly over me.
She's not over the situation.

My health is ok and tablets are working so all good on that front but I feel i wont move on after this. I will have a new outlook on life and will try my best to fill my time and get a better understand what I have done and now dealing with.
I have a scar (HIV) as a reminder.

whilst is cheated i can not accept in this day and age the disease is still around. How are we all this unlucky in life. Whilst i accept things happend for a reason. Not this scar, that's too much.

I still hate the fact I got this. Why did I. I wasn't that person.

I know this is a forum for HIV but this is the mental side of it.
No matter how we get it, good or bad.

It leaves a scar.

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