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POZ Boyfriend


Hello, I am a trans women here dating a POZ guy. we have only recently started dating about 2-3 weeks. We have been having sex with proctection but I want to have it without any condoms! But my bf thinks its high risk. He is undetectable and i have tried telling him there is no risk! But he is very risk averse.

Any ideas on how to go about this?


Jim Allen:

Give it time and keep talking about it. I'm sure your partner has their reasons to think it's a risk and ultimately you both have to be comfortable.

Is your partner newly diagnosed or new to treatment? Has your partner expressed why they feel it is an HIV risk?

Anyhow from a safer sex point of view, there are other easier to acquire STI's to consider and perhaps that is also a factor in your partners choice?

I'll add for you that in regards to HIV even with a claimed undetectable viral load (below 200 copies for 6+ months), nobody can guarantee someone will consistently take their meds and therefore below 200 copies, perhaps this is an issue for your new partner or they are taking the meds consistently and have some unfounded fears that they need to address and overcome.

Anyhow should it become a more long-term relationship, then you will have to decide together what your comfort levels are and if that works for you, just like in any relationship.

Best, Jim


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