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scared shitless

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recently been told i am possitive, its so extremely scary i think, not knowing what will happen.
did anyone else feel like that and if yes, how did you got over it

Dearest Angel:  I can't imagine anyone, when first learning they were HIV+, didn't, at some level, fall apart.  I'll never forget the day I learned of my status:  I had an 11:45 a.m. appointment. I arrived by 11:15 (always be prompt, my mother told me) and by 11:30, his entire staff (of five) each left the office in a mad scramble to leave he and I alone. (I had been seeing this doctor for ten years before the HIV test, we were good friends, hung out together, but still...). I just knew, when the last person raced out of the office what my status was going to be.

He brought me into the exam room and said, "I have some bad news" and then he told me.  I cried.  And, then he said, "while this is not the news you wanted to hear, I also want to tell you that you will never, ever be alone."  He told me of the strides in medications, alternative therapies, and the potential for HIV to become a chronic illness (that was thirteen years ago this week).  He has managed my HIV care for the past thirteen years and I would walk in front of truck if he asked me to. (Only kiddin')

The fact is that HIV is the trap door you never expected. It's the mine in the mine field.  But it also can be incredibly enlightening.  You will begin to (hopefully) treat yourself better.  You may begin to understand 'unconditional love'. But it will be a roller coaster...

One of the things I've learned is that, not right now, but at some point you will be able to begin to teach people about this disease, you will begin to share this part of yourself.

Also, you will need to learn so much about how to care for yourself and how to advocate and partner your own care. So, I suggest that you stay with these people here. I've only been here for a short time, but each of them will give you good, sound advice. Some of them will piss you off.  Many of them will make you laugh.  But that's what happens when you join a family...welcome to the family. 

My thoughts, prayers, and blessings are with you. chris

 :) :) :) :) :)
thanks chris, i wish my mother ever told me to be on time for that meeting, lol
when the hospital called me to come over to see them i virtually forced the poor woman to tell me what was wrong on the phone because i was to busy with projects and meetings,
dumbest thing i think i have done.
one thing you learn VERY fast is that it turns your life upside down,
from living 18 hour days at work to 2.5 hours,
i always used the words "to live would be a awefully big adventure",
i guess i was right

Hi Angel,

We found out May 5, 2006 that my hubby was HIV+ and I am HIV-. I know how scary it is. The first thing you need to do is take a deep breath...lots of deep breaths.

I am so glad that you found us here. I dont know what I would have done, how I would have gotten thru the first couple of weeks without the people here.

Hubby was really sick and thats how we found out. They just started running test to rule things out and thats how we discovered it. The dr thinks he has had it for alot of yrs because his CD4s were so low and his viral load was so high. He wound up in the hospital with meningitis. But once they got everything under control and started his HIV meds hes doing great. He doesnt have any of the side effects yet (keeping fingers crossed), has gained his weight back and is feeling great.

I hope you read the lessons here at AidsMed. They really helped me and I'm sure they will help you.

What you are feeling is perfectly normal. Just take deep breaths. We are all here for you.  Ask questions, tell us how your feeling, there is always someone here for you!


hey Teresa,
yeah, been looking trough the lessons, thank god i god a laser printer, (and yes, i am printing every lesson i found of), you could call it madness


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