Whats the Importance of finding the person who gave this to you?

[aschmidt026]

What is the importance of finding the person that gave you this virus. I was recently diagnosed within the last year, and have contacted almost all sexual partners since my last negative HIV test. All stating that they have been test and are negative. Not only do I believe that this is the responsible thing to do, as if they do not know they have the disease, they need to get checked out, but also for my peace of mind.  It eats me up day in and day out that I don’t know where this came from. And its not that want to blame it on someone, because truthfully the only one to blame it on is myself, for not practicing safe sex with every partner. Is someone not telling me the truth out of fear of my reaction? I just don’t know. But my whole point of this is this: I was recently on an HIV dating website, and came across a profile and picture of a previous casual sexual encounters with. At that point I thought I hit the AH HA moment, I had found him. Well I never received a response from him on this dating website, so I contacted him through mutual friends. And asked him. His was response was that he was not HIV positive and that his friends got drunk one night and got on his computer and set him up on several of these websites and gay websites. Now do I believe this? I have been talking to him for more than a week and he talks about all these medical  conditions he has been having i.e. low blood platelets, many of which were similar to mine prior to my diagnosis. I just don’t know what to do, my gut doesn’t believe him. But my caring side wants to believe that he is telling the truth…  Any thoughts?

[Ann]

Hi Schmidt, welcome to the forums.

You've done your duty - you have informed your previous sex partners that they need to test. Whether they want to lie or stick their head in the sand is not your problem. You've preformed your obligation to let them know they may have been at risk or they may be positive. It is now out of your hands.

It could be that this friend of yours is only assuming that he is hiv negative. All you can do is to encourage him to get a current test and if he truly is hiv negative, to keep on testing regularly, at least once a year or more often if unprotected intercourse occurs. There's nothing more you can do.

Try to not let it eat at you so much. If you find you still cannot let this go, perhaps some counselling is in order. You can only control your own thoughts and actions, you cannot control others.

[Billy B]

What is the importance of finding the person that gave you this virus. I was recently diagnosed within the last year, and have contacted almost all sexual partners since my last negative HIV test. All stating that they have been test and are negative. Not only do I believe that this is the responsible thing to do, as if they do not know they have the disease, they need to get checked out, but also for my peace of mind.  It eats me up day in and day out that I don’t know where this came from. And its not that want to blame it on someone, because truthfully the only one to blame it on is myself, for not practicing safe sex with every partner. Is someone not telling me the truth out of fear of my reaction? I just don’t know. But my whole point of this is this: I was recently on an HIV dating website, and came across a profile and picture of a previous casual sexual encounters with. At that point I thought I hit the AH HA moment, I had found him. Well I never received a response from him on this dating website, so I contacted him through mutual friends. And asked him. His was response was that he was not HIV positive and that his friends got drunk one night and got on his computer and set him up on several of these websites and gay websites. Now do I believe this? I have been talking to him for more than a week and he talks about all these medical  conditions he has been having i.e. low blood platelets, many of which were similar to mine prior to my diagnosis. I just don’t know what to do, my gut doesn’t believe him. But my caring side wants to believe that he is telling the truth…  Any thoughts?

Hello Schmidt- My thoughts on this is that you have spent enough time and energy on something that will not restore your + status to -.  I did not "get it" from anyone as I was a willing participant in the act and I can only blame myself.
My time is now focused on being well, keeping a good outlook and taking my meds now that my numbers dictate it.
You will find great help and friends here.  To me the biggest shock about this forum was the fact that there are people of all ages, genders, races, nationalities and sexual preferences here. We all screwed up so welcome and try to make the best of it.
Peace,
Billy

[mecch]

. But my whole point of this is this: I was recently on an HIV dating website, and came across a profile and picture of a previous casual sexual encounters with. At that point I thought I hit the AH HA moment, I had found him. Well I never received a response from him on this dating website, so I contacted him through mutual friends. And asked him. His was response was that he was not HIV positive and that his friends got drunk one night and got on his computer and set him up on several of these websites and gay websites. Now do I believe this? I have been talking to him for more than a week and he talks about all these medical  conditions he has been having i.e. low blood platelets, many of which were similar to mine prior to my diagnosis. I just don’t know what to do, my gut doesn’t believe him. But my caring side wants to believe that he is telling the truth…  Any thoughts?

First of all, welcome to the forums.
Secondly, your main question is it important to find the person who's HIV you got.  Well, as people said, you did your duty, now after a year its really time to put this issue aside. Since its bugging you, you have to make a point of deciding that its not going to be solved. It doesnt matter for your future.

Thirdly, regarding the above guy - his excuse for being on an HIV site is bullshit. Do not believe him, do not get involved with him, stay away.  He might have even been the source of your infection.  A liar.  You don't need to care for him.  I repeat, my advice, STAY AWAY.

[le_liseur]

What mecch suggested is of good advice: it will not change anything, and if this person is indeed a liar, you should try to stay away from him. You did the right thing advising your past partners, and they will decide what to do for themselves. Knowing when it happened exactly will not change anything, you simply know you're positive since you received your results, and what is important now is to take care of yourself and focus your energy on other things. 

It eats me up day in and day out that I don’t know where this came from. And its not that want to blame it on someone, because truthfully the only one to blame it on is myself, for not practicing safe sex with every partner.

An advice I would like to give you, and maybe it will sound a little bit weird, is to try not to blame yourself, or anybody for that matter, for what happened. Maybe you just wrote this without thinking about the word you picked, but really, it's not a 'fault'. Safer sex is important, but we shouldn't whip ourselves over and over again for what happened on "that" particular time ; we're humans, we can make mistakes or make bad decisions, but no blame should be attached to this infection. Focus on the now and on tomorrow! 

[emeraldize]

Hi Schmidt,

I'm with Ann on her advice that you've done your duty and been a good communicator to your previous partners.

As regards your discovery of the profile on the poz site, you quite possibly hit upon the source, and then when you questioned him, he wasn't inclined to affirm. Why would he? His excuse for being parked on a poz site? Well, friends don't put profiles of friends on an HIV positive site. And, it's okay to trust your gut.

And, I'm with the others...put some distance between the two of you and take great care of yourself.
How thoughtful and thorough you were in contacting everyone says a lot about you.

Em

[jacken]

Schmidt's question actually lingers around me as I was diagnosed about a month ago. I informed those who I had contacts with and none of them tested poz. Reading this thread really helps a lot. Thanks.