Extremely Worried about First Time Sexual Experience - Please Help

[lolax42]

Hello, I recently had my first series of sexual experiences ever in the past four weeks and am now worrying, kicking myself, stressing to the point of gray hairs, and hating myself because of potential HIV symptoms that I'm now experiencing. I would really appreciate any comments/advice you have for me. God bless you all for taking your time to help people like me!

Back in mid-June, I recieved and gave oral sex to another guy on three separate occasions within a timespan of three weeks (the last experience happened a week ago). No protection was used during this sex; however, I don't believe that I had mouth sores or any visible cuts in my mouth. In addition, the guy never fully ejaculated in the mouth - just on the hands. However, during the first experience, a bit of his semen did get in my eye. In addition, I had a small sore on my hand (it had a partial scab on it, but the skin appeared to be thin still and probably came in contact with his semen). I don't believe that the partner was HIV positive; however, I am unsure as he himself is unsure (he's only had one boyfriend before me). In addition, we also fingered each other anally; however, the fingers more than likely had nothing other than saliva on them (not semen - perhaps small, trace amounts, but they were wiped before). Kissing also occured; however, from what I've read, that's not a way to pass HIV.

Anyways, about four weeks after the initial experience, I developed a headache and achieved a temperature of 101.5 degrees. I also at this time started to experience night sweats waking up to find myself really sweaty, and during the day I would have cold sweats at time (these are two things that I've never really experienced). I also slept a lot and when I got up would be quite dizzy when trying to walk around. I also had some sharp pains in my right knee and near my kidney/liver (they only lasted a second or so each though and occured only for a day or two). After taking some standard medicine (Ibuprofen), the fever went down within two or three days. However, once the fever went down, my throat became very sore and I could barely even stand to eat as there was extreme pain when I swallowed. I went to the physician who said that my throat was red before when I had the temperature, but now the throat looked really bad. The physician diagnosed me (not via tests but just by symptoms) with coxsackie (hand-foot-mouth virus) and gave me a steroid shot to the arm in addition to steroid pills to take for five days to help relieve the soreness in the throat. It's now been a week since my initial fevor (three days since the painful throat started to clear up) and I can now swallow fine. However, there are some red looking bumps on the back of my throat, and I am having an extreme hiccup problem (I have probably hiccuped 500 times in the past two days since having started taking the steroid pills.). My upper chest is also partially sore, and after all the hiccups, I can taste "throw-up" acid in my mouth (as if the hiccups are causing acid to come up to the mouth). Also, I have a really white-covered tongue and can foam up a lot of extremely white and foamy saliva very quickly. Some of the white stuff seems to be partially solid as well. Today (about a week since the fever initially started), I have experienced two very easily initiated nosebleeds where the blood flowed VERY easily from my nose (and in each case, a huge blood clot came out of each nose soon after the bleeding started).

Anyways, after reading online about the symptons of pre-HIV+, I became VERY worried. Do these symptoms sound typical of HIV? I have read that it's important to wait at least three months before obtaining an HIV test; however, I considered getting one immediately (since it's been about 4-5 weeks now) and then one later as well. Any comments/advice concerning this issue would be extremely helpful. Thank you.

[Ann]

lolax,

The only activity you listed that is even a small risk of hiv infection is the giving oral. (and yes, I read through your post carefully) Even giving a blowjob is only a very very small risk of infection and you have reduced that risk further by not allowing ejaculation in your mouth.

Getting a blowjob, fingering and kissing are NOT risks for hiv infection.

There have been long-term studies of couples where one is positive and one is negative. In the couples who used condoms for anal or vaginal intercourse, but not for oral activities, not one of the negative partners became infected with hiv. Not one. This shows us two things. One, condoms are very effective for the prevention of hiv transmission. Two, oral sex is much lower risk than previously believed. We now have the evidence that oral sex is a very low risk activity where hiv transmission is concerned.

You were diagnosed with coxsackie virus and while I can understand where this experience spooked you, it has nothing to do with hiv. Coxsackie is a common virus - when my daughter had it in her late teens she was quite ill with it.


You need to be using condoms for anal or vaginal intercourse, every time, no exceptions until such time as you are in a securely monogamous relationship where you have both tested for ALL STIs together. To agree to have unprotected intercourse is to consent to the possibility of being infected with a sexually transmitted infection.

Have a look through the condom and lube links in my signature line so you can use condoms with confidence.

Anyone who is sexually active should be having a full sexual health care check-up, including but not limited to hiv testing, at least once a year and more often if unprotected intercourse occurs.

You don't need to test over these recent incidents, but if you remain sexually active, at some point in the next year you need to start having your annual or semi-annual sexual health check-ups. It's what responsible, sexually active adults do.

Please also read through the Welcome Thread and click on the links for further information.

Use condoms for anal or vaginal intercourse and you will avoid hiv infection. It really is that simple.

Ann

[lolax42]

Thank you, Ann for your thorough reply. I think I will still have myself tested at the appropriate time just to be sure. Again, I cannot believe how dumb I was to engage in activity such as this without first knowing all the consequences and proper safety procedures. Never again will it happen that way. Thank you.

Other comments are still greatly appreciated.

[Andy Velez]

Hi,

It's good to read that you are committed to following safer sex guidelines in the future. By doing that you can both enjoy your sexuality and protect your health.

I also agree with Ann about the extremely low level of risk involved in these recent experiences. Becoming sexually active is often both exciting and anxiety-provoking. So it's understandable that you have some concerns. I do expect you to come out of this ok.

Cheers,   

[lolax42]

Thank you Ann and Andy so very much for your time in responding to (and actually reading) my initial post. I am a very young person, and I have never stressed more about anything in my life than I have this for the past few weeks. I have decided to go tomorrow to get a rapid mouth test done (it's been 4-5 weeks after the initial encounter). I know I'll probably go back at the 3 and 6 month marks just to ensure the results; however, I am liable to pull my hair out of my head if I don't go tomorrow to get some sort of relief (or at least just talk to someone at the clinic where they host them). God bless you all for taking the time and courage to address people on these forums.

By the way, this is kind of a random question, but does thrush cover the entire mouth, just the tongue, just the throat, etc, or does it vary person to person? Thank you!

[Ann]

Lolax,

Stop looking in your mouth, trying to diagnose yourself with thrush, RIGHT NOW. Only a doctor can reliably diagnose thrush by taking a swab of the suspected area and having it tested. YOU cannot diagnose thrush. Most people have areas on their tounge that appear white - this is normal.

If you get worried, please read the above answers again. You are going to be just fine, really you are.

Just remember to use condoms for intercourse. Every time, no exceptions.

Ann

[lolax42]

I went for a rapid oral test today (it's been about 4 or 5 weeks after the endangering encounter) and the test came back negative. They were sure to tell me that this test doesn't mean much since it's been so recent after the encounter, but at least it's peace of mind for now (until the real test two months or so down the road). I also went to the dentist for a cleanup and they officially diagnosed me with thrush kind of scary as well, but it's possible the doctor told me it's possible the steroids I was taking for the mouth weakened my immune system and helped to spur that infection.

Anyways, thanks again for all your thoughts. I'll keep this post updated once I get another test.

Random question if you all don't mind - what's the average time it takes for the conversion to HIV to take place. I know that you've all said 3 months and 6 months are the big kickers, but generally, will HIV+ be noticeable by a time as short as 4-6 weeks? Thanks a million, and again, whether my future tests come back positive or negative, I will always be grateful for the support that people have given me and others on this forum. I'm sure you probably get tired of hearing the same questions or people posting every 5 minutes with the same concerns, but just know that even a small reply can mean a world of difference to someone (I know now). Thanks!

[Ann]

lolax,

The only thing you will see us say on this forum about a six month test is that it is unnecessary. Three months is sufficient.

The vast majority of people who have actually been infected will seroconvert and test positive by six WEEKS. (not months, weeks) The average time to seroconversion is 22 days.

It is highly unlikely that you would have become infected with hiv through anything you have brought to this forum.

Ann

[lolax42]

I apologize to keep asking more and more questions, but as I've been awaiting the official six week mark for testing, I've continued to read online about symptoms of HIV and other STIs. I know that Ann has repeatedly said on this forum STIs are transmitted MUCH easier than the HIV virus. If my HIV test is to come back negative, do you think that any of the symptoms I mentioned in my original post could be attributed to an STI? I looked at a website Ann mentioned in another post outlining many common STIs (inspot.org) and things such as hepatitis seemed to match somewhat, but nothing matched quite like the symptoms of HIV matched. Thanks!

[Ann]

Lolax,

Symptoms or the lack of symptoms means nothing when it comes to hiv and they mean nothing for many of the STIs as well. If you have concerns that you might have been infected with any STI, the only way to know for sure is through testing.

Go have a full panel of STI tests done, including throat swabs - although from what you describe of your activities, I wouldn't expect you to have been infected with anything.

Ann