New Years Letter

[bear60]

To whom it may concern:
 My heartfelt appreciation goes out to all of
>> you who have taken the time and trouble to send me "forwards" over the
>> past 12 months. Thank you for making me feel safe, secure, blessed, and
>> wealthy.
>>
>> Extra thanks to whoever sent me the one about rat crap in the glue on
>> envelopes 'cause I now have to go get a wet towel every time I need to
>> seal an envelope. Also, I scrub the top of every can I open for the same
>> reason.
>> Because of your concern I no longer drink Coca Cola because it can
>> remove toilet stains. I no longer drink Pepsi or Dr Pepper since the
>> people who make these products are atheists who refuse to put "Under
>> God" on their cans.
>>
>> And, I don't use plastic wrap in the microwave because it causes cancer.
>> I no longer check the coin return on pay phones because I could be
>> pricked with a needle infected with AIDS.
>>
>> I won't use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a water
>> buffalo on a hot day.
>>
>> I don't go to shopping malls because someone might drug me with a
>> perfume sample and rob me.
>>
>> I no longer receive packages from nor send packages by UPS or Fed Ex
>> since they are actually Al Qaeda wearing stolen uniforms purchased on
>> e-bay.
>>
>> I won't answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a number
>> for which I will get a phone bill with calls to Jamaica , Uganda,
>> Singapore, and Uzbekistan .
>>
>> And, I never eat KFC because their "chickens" are actually horrible
>> mutant freaks with no eyes or feathers.
>>
>> I no longer have any sneakers -- but that will change once I receive my
>> free replacement pair from Nike.
>>
>> I no longer have to buy expensive cookies from Neiman Marcus since I now
>> have their recipe.
>>
>> I'm not worried about my soul because at last count I have 363,214
>> angels looking out for me.
>>
>> But you have helped me become more religious. I now believe in
>> reincarnation because Madaline Murray O'Hare is still petitioning the
>> FCC to stop all religious broadcasting even though she has been dead for
>> over 15 years.
>>
>> Thanks to you, I have learned that God only answers my prayers if I
>> forward an e-mail to seven of my friends and make a wish within five
>> minutes.
>>
>> I don't have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl who is about
>> to die in the hospital (for the 1,387,258th time)
>>
>> I no longer have any money at all - but that will change once I receive
>> the $15,000 that Microsoft and AOL are sending me for participating in
>> their special email program.
>> >>
>> Yes, I want to thank you so much for looking out for me that I will now
>> return the favor!
>> If you don't send this e-mail to at least 144,000 people in the next 7
>> minutes, a large pigeon with a wicked case of diarrhea will land on your
>> head at 5:00 PM this afternoon.  I know this will occur because it
>> actually happened to a friend of my next-door neighbor's
>> ex-mother-in-law's second husband's cousin's beautician.
>>
>> Have a wonderful day....
>>

[RapidRod]

 ROFL I have actually received some of those emails.

[DanielMark]

Duly noted and forwarded. Thanks.

[anniebc]

 

I'm not worried about my soul because at last count I have 363,214
>> angels looking out for me.

I'm glad you got them ok, I was worried I had the wrong e-mail address...but at least now I know my job is done and those angles have saved yet another soul...

Hugs
Jan

[skeebo1969]

     "ex-mother-in-law's second husband's cousin's beautician."

   She was my mother's beautician also...  I bet she charges more than the $15 she charged my mother way back in the day!

   "It's A Small World After All"

  Thomas

[Queen Tokelove]

I have come across quite a few of those chain letters. I use to get them all the time on MySpace but then I wrote a blog about them, so I don't get them anymore. But I thought I would show my blog...



    

Fucking Chain Letter

I don't know who came up with the idea for chain letters, but whoever it was needs to be flogged. And those that actually believe the shit it says, needs their heads checked.

What is the point of a chain letter? Is it suppose to be cute? And if I don't send it all these awful things will happen to me?

Well since this is my blog, I will answer the previous questions. The point of a chain letter is to irritate the shit out of whoever you send it to. It also shows that you were bored as fuck when you did it. And I got to send it to how many? Ok, how did you come up with that number. *waves hand* I know, I know. You pulled it out your ass. C'mon, I know you did.

I mean really now. There is nothing cute about them. I don't need to send it to anyone to define who I am. Then they say send it to 10 friends. Um, let's define friend. A friend to me is someone I have known and kicked it with for years. Someone who is there no matter what, who has your back in good times and bad. Let's be real people, there's not many of them around. The word friend is used so loosely.

Now if you said, send it to 10 associates, I could do that. I don't think anyone has 10 friends. Real friends.

And of course, I do not believe if I don't send the chain letter bad things will happen to me. I'm 37 years old and have had a lot of bad shit happen to me already. Some shit most could not have withstood. I don't see a chain letter destroying my life.

So, do us both a big favor, don't send them to me. For one, you're wasting both of our time. The time it took you to send it to me and the time it will take me to delete it. I have better things I could be doing.

[bear60]

Mis Queen Thang.... lord have mercy thank you jesus.....somebody has answered my prayers. Now I can relax.  You said just what I needed to hear.

[marco23]

LOL!!  , that sense of humor!
No wonder we get along!

[Boo Radley]

bear,

As soon as Ambassador Annamattapeeya deposits the $27,500,000 in my bank account I'll send you his information so you can reap similar benefits.  I'm sure he must have another rich late client who socked aways millions but doesn't have any legal heirs so the money is just sitting there waiting to be taken.

Boo

[Longislander]

seriously, will Coca-Cola get rid of the ring around a toilet?

[emeraldize]

LI:  Excerpt below is copied from a bathroom cleanup tips page.

Toilet Bowl: Use denture tablets to take care of those rings inside toilet. Just drop two tablets into toilet bowl and it will leave your toilet fresh and clean. Chanelle

Pour a can of Coca-Cola into the toilet bowl and let it sit for about one hour. Then flush it clean.
The citric acid in Coke removes stains. Michelle, AR

Do you have a nasty ring around your toilet. Clean it with a pumice rock. Marla Pina, CA

Put two tablets of Alka Selzer in the toilet once a week to help keep it clean. This really works. Bobbie Boccali

[Longislander]

Thanks Em!! Unfortuantely no denture tablets around the house (yet!)

I've got coke tho! ( no Benj, and you others~ coca-cola)

[Jean-Yves]

Chain letters used to get sent by snail mail before the internet came around. Imagine paying for the paper, envelopes, and stamps to send them all out.
Jean-Yves

[skeebo1969]

Chain letters used to get sent by snail mail before the internet came around. Imagine paying for the paper, envelopes, and stamps to send them all out.
Jean-Yves

  Jean-Yves we may have to tell some of these younger folks what envelopes and stamps are.