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Author Topic: unemployment panic  (Read 12363 times)

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Offline Peter6836

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  • Posts: 391
  • Me and my Granddaughter Noa
unemployment panic
« on: August 04, 2008, 04:34:45 pm »
Well the serequl has taken away the crying urges. But I am manic and a nervous wreak I can hardly type. Today I called for my first unemployment benefit check. I could hardly hold the phone. I see the Psych and my therapist tomorrow. I am watching my grandson all week every day. I am really trying to push through all of this. My parents cried when I told them of my predicament, and my dad just kept rubbing my back. I paid my rent for the month and I am secure here for another month. I hope that my doctor changes some more of my meds tomorrow to calm me down without putting me to sleep. Oh yeah sleep is better.
Peter

Offline BT65

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Re: unemployment panic
« Reply #1 on: August 04, 2008, 06:37:34 pm »
Peter, with the state you're in, you might want to talk to your grandson's parent, explain what's going on and tell him/her that it would be better if someone else watches your grandson while you're working through your issues. 

Good luck with everything.  I hope it works out.
I've never killed anyone, but I frequently get satisfaction reading the obituary notices.-Clarence Darrow

Condom and Lube Info https://www.poz.com/basics/hiv-basics/safer-sex
Please check out our lessons on PEP and PrEP. https://www.poz.com/basics/hiv-basics/pep-prep

https://www.poz.com/basics/hiv-basics/treatmentasprevention-tasp

Offline Peter6836

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  • Posts: 391
  • Me and my Granddaughter Noa
Re: unemployment panic
« Reply #2 on: August 04, 2008, 06:50:27 pm »
Thanks Betty,
But watching my grandson is the one structure and loving thing that I do he takes my mind off my problems and I love having him with me. I guess it is the maternal instincts I have. I would rather give up anything else but my time with him.
Peter
I hope the medication changes tomorrow will help. I worked in the Detroit Public schools for years and thought the beurocracy was ridiculous. This ogvernment stuff disability retirement. ssdi and adap is even worse. Unemployments and help for food is just as bad. If not getting my drugs in time doesnt kill me the stress of dealing with the system will. I am sure many have been through it.

Offline YaKaMein

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Re: unemployment panic
« Reply #3 on: August 04, 2008, 07:45:55 pm »
Hang in there, Peter. Still hoping things make a really sharp improvement soon. -YaKa
09/11 Endocrine Consult
08/11 CD4 328 14.9% VL 0
 Disc'd Bactrim DEXA -3.1 Tscore
03/11 CD4 338 14.7% VL 0
11/10 CD4 300 14.3% VL 0 <20copies
07/10 CD4 336 14.0% VL 0 DEXA -2.7 Tscore
03/10 CD4 308 13.4% VL 0 Vit D normal
01/10 Began FOTO
11/09 CD4 274 13.7% VL 0 Chol 173 Trig 131
07/09 CD4 324 13.5% VL 0 DEXA -3.1 Tscore lumbar
03/09 CD4 207 10.9% VL 0
11/08 CD4 227 10.3% VL 0 Chol 176 Trig 156
04/08 CD4 228 9.5% VL 0
01/08 CD4 194 9.0% VL 0
09/07 CD4 176 8.3% VL 0
03/07 CD4 130 9.5% VL 0 Chol 261  Trig 227
12/06 CD4 109 6.4% VL 0
09/06 CD4  88 5.5% VL und desens'd rtd to Bactrim
08/06  Began Atripla
07/06 CD4  59 5.0% VL 145 Chol 117 Trig 104
06/06  Bactrim rash, X2 Dapsone
 EFV & Truvada Chol 128 Trig 131
05/06 CD4  6 (2.0%) VL 78667 only V179D mutation Dx PC MAC

Offline BT65

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Re: unemployment panic
« Reply #4 on: August 05, 2008, 07:23:41 am »
If not getting my drugs in time doesnt kill me the stress of dealing with the system will. I am sure many have been through it.

I do it all the time (deal with the system); you get used to it after awhile and toughen up, trust me.
I've never killed anyone, but I frequently get satisfaction reading the obituary notices.-Clarence Darrow

Condom and Lube Info https://www.poz.com/basics/hiv-basics/safer-sex
Please check out our lessons on PEP and PrEP. https://www.poz.com/basics/hiv-basics/pep-prep

https://www.poz.com/basics/hiv-basics/treatmentasprevention-tasp

Offline Peter6836

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  • Posts: 391
  • Me and my Granddaughter Noa
Re: unemployment panic
« Reply #5 on: August 05, 2008, 10:39:29 am »
thanks Betty I am keeping on here. I am keeping in mind that things all work out for the best. Although when you get this vial disease it does test you faith.
Peter

Offline Peter6836

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  • Posts: 391
  • Me and my Granddaughter Noa
Re: unemployment panic
« Reply #6 on: August 05, 2008, 02:02:05 pm »
Doctor cancelled my appointment today I am still very anxious, slight tremors, and shaking. I am going to my therapist today. I have a wedding I am doing as well this weekend which is not helping the anxiety. I do the flowers, I had this order months ago and have to do it the design part relaxs me it is the delivery  and set up that I do not like. Besides it is some extra money which I could use. I am trying to stay on top of it and have all of my materials in order. I hope to have everything done by Friday so Saturday is just delivery.
I have really got on my roomate and left a list of places for him to apply for jobs. He just can not do anything. If I were a rat I would drop him at the side of the road like an unwanted pet.
Peter

Offline Peter6836

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  • Posts: 391
  • Me and my Granddaughter Noa
Re: unemployment panic
« Reply #7 on: August 07, 2008, 12:57:29 pm »
Just a check in on what is going on. I am still dealing with manic tendencies. I had to take some paper work downtown to the public schools for a disability retirement. I got the paperwork yesterday and sent it out this afternoon. I know that the state sent my employer paperwork so I imagine my doctors got it too. So things are moving on that side of things.
I am moving ahead on the wedding flowers, trying to get all the prep done today so I just finish up tomorrow and deliver on sat. I am trying to stay calm.
See my psych tomorrow and have a job interview. I guess I am working on things well but it is taking a toll on me. I think I will sleep  all day Sunday.
Peter

Offline Peter6836

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  • Posts: 391
  • Me and my Granddaughter Noa
Re: unemployment panic
« Reply #8 on: August 10, 2008, 11:25:36 am »
chicking in again. The wedding went well the couple and parents were very happy. My hands are swollen and I am exhausted.
I saw my psych on Friday he added more serequel during the day now as well as at night. I am worried that I can take all this medication and actually function on it. He filled out some disability forms which basically said that I could not work. I turned it in to my case worker right away. I am moving along just frustrated.
I have to admit I am very numb.  Between the job loss, the mental health issues, it just is frustrating at this time. I know I am losing weight again. None of this can be good for my immune system. I am dealing with a lot of confusion. I wish it would all stop. I want to get off this roller coaster. relationships are non existent and difficult.
Oh the job interview. I preformed well, put on a good show they were quite impressed but told me that they would underutilize all my skills if they hired me. I was told that I have the wrong degree if I had a MSW instead of a MAT I would have a job in a min. But then again I do not know now if I could even  continue to function on a regular basis at this point.
Still very confused., unsure want to be productive not sure where I stand.
Peter

Offline BT65

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Re: unemployment panic
« Reply #9 on: August 10, 2008, 07:45:27 pm »
Peter, being numb is all a very normal part of coming to acceptance.  So you're moving along; it just doesn't feel that way.  Hang in there.
I've never killed anyone, but I frequently get satisfaction reading the obituary notices.-Clarence Darrow

Condom and Lube Info https://www.poz.com/basics/hiv-basics/safer-sex
Please check out our lessons on PEP and PrEP. https://www.poz.com/basics/hiv-basics/pep-prep

https://www.poz.com/basics/hiv-basics/treatmentasprevention-tasp

Offline Peter6836

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  • Posts: 391
  • Me and my Granddaughter Noa
Re: unemployment panic
« Reply #10 on: August 10, 2008, 08:46:39 pm »
Thanks Betty I will consider that as part of the process that I am in the middle of.
Peter
I am working through it, and trying to continue with my everyday life responsibilities as well.

I did go to the wedding that I did the flowers for and some friends of mine that I worked with said that this could be a good thing and they were actually happy for me that I no longer would have to put up with the stress working for the Detroit Public Schools. I am hoping that I will lock back on this and feel that it has been a good thing.
Peter

Offline YaKaMein

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  • Posts: 368
Re: unemployment panic
« Reply #11 on: August 12, 2008, 08:22:52 pm »
Glad there's forward movement, even frustrating movement. -YaKa
09/11 Endocrine Consult
08/11 CD4 328 14.9% VL 0
 Disc'd Bactrim DEXA -3.1 Tscore
03/11 CD4 338 14.7% VL 0
11/10 CD4 300 14.3% VL 0 <20copies
07/10 CD4 336 14.0% VL 0 DEXA -2.7 Tscore
03/10 CD4 308 13.4% VL 0 Vit D normal
01/10 Began FOTO
11/09 CD4 274 13.7% VL 0 Chol 173 Trig 131
07/09 CD4 324 13.5% VL 0 DEXA -3.1 Tscore lumbar
03/09 CD4 207 10.9% VL 0
11/08 CD4 227 10.3% VL 0 Chol 176 Trig 156
04/08 CD4 228 9.5% VL 0
01/08 CD4 194 9.0% VL 0
09/07 CD4 176 8.3% VL 0
03/07 CD4 130 9.5% VL 0 Chol 261  Trig 227
12/06 CD4 109 6.4% VL 0
09/06 CD4  88 5.5% VL und desens'd rtd to Bactrim
08/06  Began Atripla
07/06 CD4  59 5.0% VL 145 Chol 117 Trig 104
06/06  Bactrim rash, X2 Dapsone
 EFV & Truvada Chol 128 Trig 131
05/06 CD4  6 (2.0%) VL 78667 only V179D mutation Dx PC MAC

Offline Peter6836

  • Member
  • Posts: 391
  • Me and my Granddaughter Noa
Re: unemployment panic
« Reply #12 on: August 13, 2008, 09:32:30 am »
YaKa,
yes it is quite frustrating. All this paper work and all this waiting. I called unemployment they are still waiting for the public schools to dispute my case although I have a letter of termination. I am hoping that the fact that they offered me to sub will not effect anything. The Detroit public schools also sent me a letter saying that they will be sending my last paycheck late due to financial problems.
Going to a different school and classroom daily in Detroit would kill me.
All the drugs I am taking are playing havoc on my daily routines. I am trying to keep it together here but it is not easy. I wish I had someone that could help me to get this information in place it all seems so overwhelming. I have my bad moments but I am working on it
Thanks for your constant support.
Peter

Offline BT65

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Re: unemployment panic
« Reply #13 on: August 13, 2008, 10:31:13 am »
Peter, between your family and friends, can't someone go to your place and help you?
I've never killed anyone, but I frequently get satisfaction reading the obituary notices.-Clarence Darrow

Condom and Lube Info https://www.poz.com/basics/hiv-basics/safer-sex
Please check out our lessons on PEP and PrEP. https://www.poz.com/basics/hiv-basics/pep-prep

https://www.poz.com/basics/hiv-basics/treatmentasprevention-tasp

Offline YaKaMein

  • Member
  • Posts: 368
Re: unemployment panic
« Reply #14 on: August 13, 2008, 01:05:34 pm »
Yes, we're all being supportive of one another. It's one of the wonderful dynamic of these forums. We may tune in and out but when we chime in it's meant to be motivational. Though we can't physically assist, I, at least, hope that the words on the screen convey compassionate honesty. Still hoping you had an actual supportive body staring u in the face to cheer you on.  Guessing many of us wish this from time to time and many of us are grateful when we do. I know I am.

Still in your corner. -YaKaMein
09/11 Endocrine Consult
08/11 CD4 328 14.9% VL 0
 Disc'd Bactrim DEXA -3.1 Tscore
03/11 CD4 338 14.7% VL 0
11/10 CD4 300 14.3% VL 0 <20copies
07/10 CD4 336 14.0% VL 0 DEXA -2.7 Tscore
03/10 CD4 308 13.4% VL 0 Vit D normal
01/10 Began FOTO
11/09 CD4 274 13.7% VL 0 Chol 173 Trig 131
07/09 CD4 324 13.5% VL 0 DEXA -3.1 Tscore lumbar
03/09 CD4 207 10.9% VL 0
11/08 CD4 227 10.3% VL 0 Chol 176 Trig 156
04/08 CD4 228 9.5% VL 0
01/08 CD4 194 9.0% VL 0
09/07 CD4 176 8.3% VL 0
03/07 CD4 130 9.5% VL 0 Chol 261  Trig 227
12/06 CD4 109 6.4% VL 0
09/06 CD4  88 5.5% VL und desens'd rtd to Bactrim
08/06  Began Atripla
07/06 CD4  59 5.0% VL 145 Chol 117 Trig 104
06/06  Bactrim rash, X2 Dapsone
 EFV & Truvada Chol 128 Trig 131
05/06 CD4  6 (2.0%) VL 78667 only V179D mutation Dx PC MAC

Offline Peter6836

  • Member
  • Posts: 391
  • Me and my Granddaughter Noa
Re: unemployment panic
« Reply #15 on: August 14, 2008, 02:23:54 pm »
Thank you everyone for being in my corner. I find myself sleeping much too much these days. I am constantly eating carbs and sleeping. I am not sure what to do with the drugs. Weather I should wait for a bit longer to see if this side effect curtails. I am trying to keep up with all the paper work but it is hard to to much of anything when all I want to do is sleep.I am beginning to feel quite unable to function. I am tired of being home but afraid to go anywhere, I am depressed but to numb to cry. I watch my grandson and it just becomes time when I watch the clock so when it is ov er I can hit the pillow. my arms are numb and my feet are numb. I have little feeling being it emotional or physical. I hate these feelings, I am begining to feel like less than a person than I ever was. A spiral . It was easier for me to face my AIDS diagnosis and the possibility that I could die spiral down in the bed physically. This is much more frightening and debilitating.
Peter

Offline BT65

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Re: unemployment panic
« Reply #16 on: August 15, 2008, 12:37:05 pm »
Peter, if you're feeling that desperate, I suggest you give your psychiatrist or other doctor a call about doing something for your mental health now, before it spirals out of control.  Seriously.
I've never killed anyone, but I frequently get satisfaction reading the obituary notices.-Clarence Darrow

Condom and Lube Info https://www.poz.com/basics/hiv-basics/safer-sex
Please check out our lessons on PEP and PrEP. https://www.poz.com/basics/hiv-basics/pep-prep

https://www.poz.com/basics/hiv-basics/treatmentasprevention-tasp

Offline Peter6836

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  • Posts: 391
  • Me and my Granddaughter Noa
Re: unemployment panic
« Reply #17 on: August 15, 2008, 02:43:06 pm »
Thanks Betty I am working with them. It is just quite a spiral. I am feeling quite desprate. I am trying here without going to the hospital. I just do not want to go to the hospital. I keep working on thrying to get the meds in control and regulated. It just seems like a long hall.  I do feel suicidal, but I keep fighting it off. I will keep working on things. It just is not easy right now.
Peter

 


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