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Author Topic: Sad and lonely  (Read 5104 times)

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Offline TabooPrincess

  • Member
  • Posts: 314
Sad and lonely
« on: June 02, 2013, 02:30:53 am »
I've been back and forth with my baby father/man who infected me for years now and I feel like there's nothing left of the 'old me' anymore, it's been this rollercoaster of love and hate.  I don't know how to break the cycle and move on for good.  I'm scared he'll never see his son so I won't ever get a break, my work will suffer etc as I need him to help with dropping at child-care, and I won't see my friends/meet anyone as won't have anyone to look after him.

I'm scared I'll be alone forever.  Not only do I not have time to meet someone but then comes the horrible disclosure conversation.

I try to count my blessings, my son is gorgeous and healthy, I have a wonderful secure job, got the NHS here so free meds, great friends and family.  But there's just this big gaping hole of fear and anxiety in me that keeps leading me back to him.

I drink too much when I feel lonely and bored. 

SOrry for the moan, I've just had enough at the moment and keep snapping at my boy which breaks my heart too.
Logged
09/ 2008 - Seroconversion
11/2008 - Tested pos, cd4 640 vl 25400
12/2008 - cd4 794 vl 27798, 35%
03/2009 - cd4 844 vl 68846, 35%
06/2009 - cd4 476 vl 49151, 33% (pregnancy confirmed)
08/2009 - cd4 464 vl 54662, 32%
Started meds for pregnancy (Kaletra, AZT, Viread)
09/2009 - cd4 841 vl 3213, 42%
10/2009 - cd4 860 vl 1088, 41%
11/2009 - cd4 771 vl 563, 38%
12/2009 - cd4 885 vl 151 42%
Discontinued meds after baby born
02/2010 - cd4 841 vl 63781, 38%
05/2010 - cd4 1080 vl 113000, 39%
08/2010 - cd4 770 vl 109242
12/2010 - cd4 642 vl 111000, 34%
06/2011 - cd4 450 vl 222000, 33%
11/2011 - cd4 419 vl 212000, 24%
03/2012 - cd4 280 vl 118000, 26% (repeated Cd4 at 360)
05/2012 -cd4 360 vl 99,190
10/2012 Atripla, cd4 690, vl 80
12/2012 Darunavir, norvir, truvada, Cd4 680, vl u/d
07/2013 cd4 750,ud

Offline thepostergirl

  • Member
  • Posts: 29
Re: Sad and lonely
« Reply #1 on: June 02, 2013, 05:14:07 am »
... I'm currently going through something semi-similar... It's just I saw that no one had made a post for you yet and I wanted to say some things to you.

Don't give up -things will happen when the time is ready for them to happen to you. I know, I know - waiting for it to happen seems juvenile as we are adults. I believe that you'll be able to continue to live life, make goals and have success in those goals. It's unfortunate that many important life changes come slower than we want them but when we remain patient and take care of ourselves we're open to the world and someone will be sent to us. I'm sorry that you are sad and lonely - talk as much as you want to - I'm finding there are many supportive people here that can share their wisdom and experience. Be well and keep us informed.<3
Logged
Diagnosed : October 2012
CD4 count high
Viral load 19,600
Started Stribild
Viral load is now undetectable

Wolfey

  • Guest
Re: Sad and lonely
« Reply #2 on: June 21, 2013, 06:49:58 pm »
Hey you,
It's Snow. It's been so long that I have been on, I had to create a new account. I am suffering from CRS :)
Sorry to hear you are feeling sad and lonely.
It took a lot for me to get away from the guy that infected me and was the father of my son.  You deserve to be happy and fulfilled.    I would hope that even if you guys aren't together he would still contribute by helping with what you need.  If he doesn't, it is his loss.  My babies are turning 10 this weekend, you will be amazed how time flies and how the people that really care about you and your son will step up to the plate. I am still on FB if you want to chat.
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