Just diagnosed today

[ThisIsTheDay]

Like everyone else, it's been a rollercoaster of emotions. I feel lost, scared, yet wanting to be proactive about everything. I don't know. I've only told one friend and that was after being diagnosed earlier today. I can't/don't want to tell anyone else.

I booked a doctor's appointment for next week and want to get the treatment ball rolling. I just hope my mental state will be okay for work next week.

So yeah, this is me casting a line out for support or anything.

[initforlife]

Hi, This is the day...... Welcome sorry about the dx. but glad you found us. We are here for you . the next few weeks will be a roller coaster . You will get blood work and find out where your numbers are and begin treatment if you choose..  But you will be ok  most on the people here have dealt with hiv/aids for years and can help you with any questions you may have.. Hugs !

[ThisIsTheDay]

Thank you. That's what I worry about: the rollercoaster continuing. I just want a normal life and I know that's ridiculous to ask for, but this is my life now.

Thank you for the support. I do want treatment and I hope it starts soon for me. And the positive mental state of being.

[xunil]

Life will return to normal faster than you might think.  I was diagnosed on April 15th and every day gets easier and I think about it less.  Or when I do think about it, it is not in such a negative manner.  I mainly think about it in terms of improving my overall health now and helping others who are having a harder time than myself.

I've had a lot of experience with HIV in my life.  Someone very close to me 13 years ago was diagnosed.  I learned a lot back then and have continued to keep up on things, so I feel that really helped me through my diagnosis in the beginning.  Instead of the usual feelings of trauma I knew what I had to do...  Get myself into the best doctor I could get and start treatment and keep myself healthy!

Sorry you're here, but life will return to normal.  This site is a great resource.  There is a lot of information here to look through and search and a lot of very knowledgeable people to talk with.

[tednlou2]

I'm sorry you tested poz, but glad you found this site.  I know it was a huge blow to me, even though I had suspected I may be infected.  It consumed all my waking thoughts for a long time.  As time went on, that got less and less.  Staying busy helps.  I do think about it every day still, but the impact is not the same as early on. 

I wish you the best, as you process this and move forward.  It is good you want to be proactive.  Keep in touch.  I look forward to getting to know you.

Ted

[ThisIsTheDay]

Thank you to both of you. I knew I had to find some kind of online support/group tonight and I'm glad I stumbled on here. I've been watching a ton of Youtube videos about it and yeah, it's overwhelming, but I have to do it. Just reading about medications, the cost, side effects, how my dating life will be affected, telling others... yeah, overwhelming.

Day by day. Or minute by minute for now.

[xunil]

It is definitely overwhelming.  If you are in the US there are plenty of resources to help you with the costs.  Most of the drug companies have co-pay assistance cards and other programs to help you pay for meds.  Even with my high deductible insurance plan the drug company paid for my entire first prescription (over $2000) and now my deductible with the insurance company is met so my meds are $35 a month.  I didn't expect that to happen and it didn't matter how much money I made to be eligible for the co-pay assistance through the drug maker.  I will also be able to do that again next year whenever my plan year starts over. 

The side effects are minimal if any for most people.  I had a rough few days during the first week, but now I don't notice anything from taking the medication at all. 

If you have a good support network telling others should help you.  Or at least it did for me.  I didn't say anything to anyone for about a month.  Once I did tell a few close friends and had their support it was a big relief.

Dating is already complicated... So it just got a little *more* complicated.  Don't think of this as the end of dating though, that's certainly not the case.

[Aubietx75]

welcome and while hate to see you on the roller patter I am glad you found this place.

I tested poz on May 20, 2015.  I can tell you that in all honesty the roller coaster is horrible at first and then it gets better.  My life is very much getting back to normal, but it's a new normal. 

I suggest reading all you can in terms of current research.  I spend much time on this site and thebody.com, and these forums have been my go to place if only to read and know others have or are currently going through the same thing and I'm not alone.

Remember the anxiety of all this will pass, there are people here for you and you don't have to tell anyone that you don't want to tell.

Aubietx75

[realitycheck]

Sorry to hear you tested poz, but you are going to be ok. Right now your emotions will no doubt be all over the place, I know. Was there myself back in February. But there's no reason to think you can't have a normal life, the medication out there today is good, and works well. Most likely you will just be taking one pill a day. Not to mention the medication makes us next to non infectious once it is doing it's job correctly. Hang in there. The beginning is really rough but you'll slowly start to realise you can live normally with this thing. 

[ThisIsTheDay]

Thank you again for the kind words. I kept busy today at work and that sorta helped keep my mind off of things. But whenever I looked in the mirror, I just kept repeating the diagnosis to myself and that didn't help. I'll have to stop that. It just feels like it's not my life, if that makes sense? I don't know. I'm trying to stay positive. I just get a lot of anxiety reading up about CD4 counts (I fear mine will be low and my viral load will be high as hell). It'll be a few more days of dreading to hear what my numbers are. I just want to be healthy and keep being healthy (if I am?).

[xunil]

Even if your numbers aren't great right now, don't worry, they will improve.  HAART is extremely effective.  Once you get your viral load under control your CD4 will rebound as well.  It takes longer, and for some people is quick and for others takes a long time, but don't focus so much on that.

[DodgerDawg]

Hello "ThisistheDay";

I'm in Simi Valley, which is close to LA, if you want to chill over a BBQ and talk.

DD

[ThisIsTheDay]

Thank you for the words of encouragement. I just want to live a long life as long as I can. And DD, I might take you up on that other. We'll have to exchange contact info.