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Author Topic: The Blues: I get my first lab results tomorrow.  (Read 4388 times)

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Offline Ihavehope

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,366
  • Yes, I'm a cry baby, AND WHAT?
The Blues: I get my first lab results tomorrow.
« on: January 03, 2007, 05:39:29 pm »
I feel quite down and sad because I get my first results tomorrow. It has been such a rollercoaster ride this past month because I have no one to talk to. What if my T cells are low and I have to start medication? What if I am resistant to all drugs. I have been positive minded this past month but today has been the hardest. I apologize if I sound like a cry baby but I am just scared. I felt the need to type it at least. I've heard stories of people developing high viral loads and low CD 4 cells fairly quickly and I dont want that to happen.
Infected: April 2005
12/6/06 - Diagnosed HIV positive
12/19/06 - CD4 = 240  22% VL = 26,300
1/4/07 - CD4 = 200 16% VL = ?
2/9/07 = Started Kaletra/Truvada
3/13/07 = CD4 = 386 22% VL ?

Offline blondbeauty

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  • Posts: 1,787
Re: The Blues: I get my first lab results tomorrow.
« Reply #1 on: January 03, 2007, 05:53:39 pm »
You have been diagnosed very recently so it is normal for you to feel that way. If your infection is recent it is unlikely you will need medications, but if you have to start them, you will have to do it without giving it a second thought. There is no other choice. If you have a problem you can not solve...why worry about it? And if you have a problem you can solve...why worry about it?
Now you must concentrate in finding out how is your infection evolving and to stop it if needed.
You just have to get used to your new situation. It will take some time and there is little you can do to speed up that process.
It is like when you loose someone you love...you are now scared and sad because you are afraid of loosing your health. Give yourself some time to heal and use these forums to find support as we have all done here.
With time you will feel as you felt before or even better.
Good luck!
Juan
The only member in these forums approved by WINBA: World International Nail and Beauty Association.
Epstein Barr +; CMV +; Toxoplasmosis +; HIV-1 +.
Counts when starting treatment:
V.L.:80.200 copies. CD4: 25%=503
Started Sustiva-Truvada 14/August/2006
Last V.L.count (Oct 2013): Undetectable
Last CD4 count (OCT 2013): 52%= 933

Offline Ihavehope

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,366
  • Yes, I'm a cry baby, AND WHAT?
Re: The Blues: I get my first lab results tomorrow.
« Reply #2 on: January 03, 2007, 05:57:54 pm »
Thank you for those kind words Juan.

But I must tell you that I have been stronger than I ever expected to be. As i mentioned earlier it's a rollercoaster one minute I am good the next minute I am scared. I know it is normal to feel this way and you are right, why worry now. I just need to hear it from others so it can be inserted in my head.
Infected: April 2005
12/6/06 - Diagnosed HIV positive
12/19/06 - CD4 = 240  22% VL = 26,300
1/4/07 - CD4 = 200 16% VL = ?
2/9/07 = Started Kaletra/Truvada
3/13/07 = CD4 = 386 22% VL ?

Offline Andy Velez

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  • Member
  • Posts: 34,126
Re: The Blues: I get my first lab results tomorrow.
« Reply #3 on: January 03, 2007, 05:59:10 pm »
This kinda fits in with your other thread about not feeling very sexually interested these days. Living with HIV is still very, very new for you.

Give yourself time to get used to it and you're going to see that life is really going to go on and no kidding, it's also going to be good too. I would just urge you to stay in contact with other people -- friends, here and wherever in your life. The blues and depression feed voraciously on isolation when your mind can just come up with all of the worst scenario and dreary stuff.

Have you checked out what services any AIDS service organization in your area might be offering? Including individual and group support? That's worth looking into.

Cheers,
Andy Velez

Offline Jnm594

  • Member
  • Posts: 111
  • Fight! Fight! Fight the Good Fight!
Re: The Blues: I get my first lab results tomorrow.
« Reply #4 on: January 03, 2007, 06:01:22 pm »
Quote
But I must tell you that I have been stronger than I ever expected to be. As i mentioned earlier it's a rollercoaster one minute I am good the next minute I am scared. I know it is normal to feel this way and you are right, why worry now. I just need to hear it from others so it can be inserted in my head.


Well now you're hearing it again!!

The one suggestion I'll make is to write down all of your concerns so you can go over them tommorrow and not forget anything!

And don't think you have to apologize for being scared. EVER.

Good thoughts and wishes your way! :-* :-* :-*
When it gets hard I always listen to my favorite song of all time..........

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qJEYu3KgWCE

Offline Ihavehope

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,366
  • Yes, I'm a cry baby, AND WHAT?
Re: The Blues: I get my first lab results tomorrow.
« Reply #5 on: January 03, 2007, 06:02:49 pm »
Hi Andy

I have contacted 2 locations but because of the holidays one support group was not meeting until later this month and the other place will start screening newly infected people in Feb. I also have an appointment to see some counselor/therapist tomorrow after I get my results. Thank you for your words Andy. You don't know how much it means to me to talk to someone now even if it is online.
Infected: April 2005
12/6/06 - Diagnosed HIV positive
12/19/06 - CD4 = 240  22% VL = 26,300
1/4/07 - CD4 = 200 16% VL = ?
2/9/07 = Started Kaletra/Truvada
3/13/07 = CD4 = 386 22% VL ?

Offline Queen Tokelove

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  • Posts: 6,031
  • Smokey the Smurf
Re: The Blues: I get my first lab results tomorrow.
« Reply #6 on: January 03, 2007, 06:03:41 pm »
I'm by no means a doctor but if you are recently diagnosed they will probably want to get a few more blood draws from you before putting you on meds. If I am wrong about this someone will correct me or can give you more details of what "may" happen. Don't be blue about it. And you have us to talk to. This is a new thing for you so you have to adjust. It gets easier in time.
Started Atripla/Ziagen on 9/13/07.
10/31/07 CD4-265 VL- undetectable
2/6/08 CD4- 401 VL- undetectable
5/7/08 CD4- 705 VL- undetectable
6/4/08 CD4- 775 VL- undetectable
8/6/08 CD4- 805 VL- undetectable
11/13/08 CD4- 774 VL--undetectable
2/4/09  CD4- 484  VL- 18,000 (2 months off meds)
3/3/09---Starting Back on Meds---
4/27/09 CD4- 664 VL-- undetectable
6/17/09 CD4- 438 VL- 439
8/09 CD4- 404 VL- 1,600
01-22-10-- CD4- 525 VL- 59,000
Cherish the simple things life has to offer

Offline Ihavehope

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,366
  • Yes, I'm a cry baby, AND WHAT?
Re: The Blues: I get my first lab results tomorrow.
« Reply #7 on: January 03, 2007, 06:09:51 pm »
You are right Queen Alcasha.

It's been difficult. When i told one of my sisters I was poz she didn't take it quite well. She has been avoiding me and also pretty down herself. To me my family are my best friends and support and not to have it at a moment like this hurts. Her boyfriend broke up with her because she has been spending all this time with me and is not understanding. She failed a final exam and she is gaining weight. I told her yesterday I would not talk to her about it anymore and will leave her alone. I dont think she should put up with my problems so I am moving out soon.
Infected: April 2005
12/6/06 - Diagnosed HIV positive
12/19/06 - CD4 = 240  22% VL = 26,300
1/4/07 - CD4 = 200 16% VL = ?
2/9/07 = Started Kaletra/Truvada
3/13/07 = CD4 = 386 22% VL ?

Offline qrky

  • Member
  • Posts: 25
Re: The Blues: I get my first lab results tomorrow.
« Reply #8 on: January 03, 2007, 06:22:08 pm »
I go in for my first *blood draw* Friday -- so you're a bit ahead of me.  I probably have a totally opposite approach to this than you -- I operate on the theory that pessimistic cynics are seldom disappointed and more often positively surprised.  What I'd say is with anything - write down what you think the absolute worst results you think could happen is.  Look at it.  On paper.  In black and white.  Keep reading it over and over until it becomes almost an expectation -- because chances are it's not going to be that bad, a, and, b, if it is bad then you have at least not being trying to deny it and are braced.  Keep looking at it and notice that -- it's just words on paper.  Just like the results - words on paper.  They're real, and they're sure as hell meaningful - but they're also concrete things that can be changed.  They're not big, scary abstract concepts.  I look at it this way (okay, it's a negative version of denial) -- my results could well come back in two weeks really awful.  That -- I can't change or do much about in the short term.  I look at the fact aside from not having slept more than two hours at a time and on more than one occasion drinking my town dry -- I'm healthy by and large.  I haven't been getting sick at all.  So this means no matter what those numbers might be, as a person I am okay.  F--- what my body thinks -- I know I am okay.  Mind is more powerful than body on any scale.  If you want to talk let me know, I know this is hell.

-doug

Offline poet

  • Member
  • Posts: 934
  • Poet living and working in Central Maine
Re: The Blues: I get my first lab results tomorrow.
« Reply #9 on: January 03, 2007, 06:26:16 pm »
I think you have stated one of the main reasons for the forums, so someone can visit at any hour on any day with almost any hiv related issue and hear a voice back.  If I was still running a drop in group and you came to it, I would comment that, yes, you have lot's of what if's to look at until you get your first results.  But these will be no more and no less than first results and something which I find myself typing over and over agalin is that we all need to see the long term picture, how each set of numbers begins to set a pattern, rather than locking onto an individual set, whether they be good, bad or indifferent.  I can't answer your question about resistance because I can't remember now the logic in your past/infection.  I can point out that IF you were to have a high viral load and a low cd 4 number, you could start meds. and that should bring things around.  IF, though, only at this point.  And I can offer any support between now and then and thereafter which is why we are all here.  Win

 
Winthrop Smith has published three collections of poetry: Ghetto: From The First Five; The Weigh-In: Collected Poems; Skin Check: New York Poems.  The last was published in December 2006.  He has a work-in-progress underway titled Starting Positions.

Offline blondbeauty

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,787
Re: The Blues: I get my first lab results tomorrow.
« Reply #10 on: January 03, 2007, 07:10:24 pm »
I wast diagnosed one year ago. Everybody here remembers how terrified I was at the beginning. Now I feel normal again and enjoying life as before. Every day I spend some time in these forums to see how people are doing, to know more about their lives, to learn more about other cultures (there is people all over the world here). When I am at home I prefer to spend my time here than watching a silly program on TV. When I am flying I feel these forums can put me in touch with people I know personally and with others that I feel very close and that care about me . Now one of the forums I enjoy and visit more is the Off Topic one because I am not scared about HIV any more.
You will get there. Believe me. Just give yourself more time.  ;)
The only member in these forums approved by WINBA: World International Nail and Beauty Association.
Epstein Barr +; CMV +; Toxoplasmosis +; HIV-1 +.
Counts when starting treatment:
V.L.:80.200 copies. CD4: 25%=503
Started Sustiva-Truvada 14/August/2006
Last V.L.count (Oct 2013): Undetectable
Last CD4 count (OCT 2013): 52%= 933

Offline aupointillimite

  • Member
  • Posts: 3,233
  • FUS DO RAH!
Re: The Blues: I get my first lab results tomorrow.
« Reply #11 on: January 03, 2007, 07:39:48 pm »
I'll never forget the day I had to go in for my first labs... I actually chickened out and rescheduled the appointment!

Clearly, I thought that postponing it would somehow make it better... I'm glad I went.

You're doing so much better than a lot of people, dude... I know this guy who's poz and is so scared to see what his lab results are that he's refusing to go a doctor ever to get the treatment he needs! 

It gets a lot easier... and no matter what your results are... and mine weren't great at all my first time because I was coming out of acute infection (which meant low CD4, high vL)... you'll feel incredibly relieved and proud of yourself that you made it over that hurdle.  And you'll never have to go for a first lab report again.

Good luck, dude!
Your tastebuds can't repel flavor of this magnitude!

Offline Iggy

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  • Posts: 2,434
Re: The Blues: I get my first lab results tomorrow.
« Reply #12 on: January 03, 2007, 09:01:20 pm »
.
« Last Edit: January 09, 2007, 11:49:49 pm by Iggy »

Offline Life

  • Member
  • Posts: 2,389
  • Member 2005
Re: The Blues: I get my first lab results tomorrow.
« Reply #13 on: January 03, 2007, 09:15:32 pm »
Ihavehope,

Look and read these responses, print em out and put them in your "book".   You will look back at this in a year or so's time and say... Jesus, was I a mess and thank God I did what I did and got through what I got through...   Yeah those first labs are a tad bit worrysome.... But you have to do this.....  You have no options.... So turn around, face this little fucking problem and beat it....  Fear sucks... I am one of the biggest fear dudes on this site... I know it, and I deal with it the best way I can...  I talk about it, just as you do and are doing... Way to go my friend... Your a winner and you can and will make it through... Its funny that three of us in your thread all tested pos about a year ago and we were screaming for our lives a year ago... Now it is different and changing, but it is no where near what it was b4.....   Go the distance...

Love

Offline aztecan

  • Member
  • Posts: 5,530
  • 36 years positive, 64 years a pain in the butt
Re: The Blues: I get my first lab results tomorrow.
« Reply #14 on: January 03, 2007, 09:24:03 pm »
Hey Hope,
The first year is, to put it in the vernacular, a bitch.

The rollercoaster you describe is all too familiar to all of us. We have all been there and felt just as you do.

Actually, as others have said, you are probably doing better than some of us did.

The suggestion to write down questions you may have is an excellent one. I use it whenever I go see the doc because I invariably forget something.

Don't let one set of labs spook you. What you should look for is a pattern giving some indication where you are going.

Also remember, if you are newly infected, your numbers may be all over the place. It takes time for the body to adjust to having the virus and beging fighting it.

One thing I do is to get copies of all my lab results. I have done this since 1992. It allows me to track my results and see for myself whatever pattern may or may not be developing.

There is a nifty tool here that allows you to graph your labs, which I finid very handy.

Basically, you are doing all the right things. My only advice would be to keep up the good work and to keep posting here with whatever concerns, questions or comments you may have.

Remember, you aren't alone.

BIG HUGS,

Mark
"May your life preach more loudly than your lips."
~ William Ellery Channing (Unitarian Minister)

Offline Razorbill

  • Member
  • Posts: 622
Re: The Blues: I get my first lab results tomorrow.
« Reply #15 on: January 03, 2007, 09:27:56 pm »
Hey there hope,
  Hang in you have some good news coming.  No matter what they tell you, you will have knowledge and the truth really does set you free.  When you're on the other side of that appt you'll be relieved.  With your knowledge you can make treatment plans (or not) and move forward to succeeding with this challenge.  You're holding up great and talking to all of us is a great way to gain support.
Ernie
PS - You're not responsible for your sister's problems, nor are you the cause.  Real relationships don't go south because someone in the family is suffering.  And people gain weight because they overeat and don't exercise.

Offline racingmind

  • Member
  • Posts: 236
Re: The Blues: I get my first lab results tomorrow.
« Reply #16 on: January 04, 2007, 11:43:37 am »
I've been stuck 4 times since I found out in September...the first was immediately after my Dr. gave me my results.  A week later I got my results and I have to say it made that first visit to the ID doctor that much easier.  Since then I have been going for labwork once a month because my numbers are borderline in the meds/no meds department.  My last set of numbers was actually better than my first.  Try to remember that stress impacts your immune system greatly.  I honestly believe that the passage of time and a couple months of therapy (to help my mind cope with this new stage of my life) has helped my  immune system recover a bit.
As time goes by, you will realize that all you need to do is take care of yourself.  An HIV+  cannot abuse their body like they may have in the past (drinking, drugs, smoking...).  Read up...become educated....and seek out positive things in your reading.... 

I recommend the book  HIV: The First Year  by Brett Grodeck.  It is a very positive and inspiring book for the newly diagnosed.  It's about 300 pages and I read it in one sitting.  It has tons of information you should know.

Good Luck with your test results.  Keep us posted. :)
Tested Negative: 5/06
Tested Positive: 9/06 
9/06: CD4: 442 (28%) VL: +100,000
10/06: CD4: 323 (25%) VL: 243,440
11/06: CD4: 405 (28%) VL: 124,324
12/06: CD4: 450 (29%) VL: 114,600
1/07: CD4: 440 (27%) VL: 75,286
3/07: CD4: 459 (30%) VL: 44,860
5/07: CD4: 353 (24%) VL: 50,852
7/07: CD4: 437 (29%) VL: 39,475
9/07: CD4: 237 (32%) VL: 372,774
10/07: CD4: 324 (27%) VL: 115,454 
Started Atripla: 10/07
11/07: CD4: 524 (?%) VL: Undetectable!
2/08: CD4: 653 (35%) VL: undetectable
5/08: CD4: 822 (40%) VL: undetectable
8/08: CD4: 626 (35%) VL: undetectable
12/08: CD4: 619 (36%) VL: undetectable
3/09: CD4: 802 (38%) VL: undetectable
7/09: CD4: 1027 (43%) VL: not tested
10/09: CD4: 1045 (43%) VL: undetectable

 


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