Need some advice asap before I have a nervous breakdown

[vinnyd0621]

Hello everyone,
   I am a 31 year old male from the suburbs of ny. I have been with the same women for eight years who is now my wife and completely faithful. recently I have put myself into deep anxiety of hiv due to a rash that I had back in 2004 which was on my chest and some on my back basically solid with a few stray spots. It did not have papules but I did have a low fever. Other than that no other symptoms. It lasted over 2 months and only went away after I got a suntan. The internet has ruined me.  Over these years I have barley ever been sick and if I got even a minor cold it would go away in a day. So here is my risk. I do not recall if it was even around the time of the rash and do not believe the condom broke but do not remember 100%. So here are my questions. Over 8 years I have been having unprotected sex with my wife and last year we tried starting a family and she got pregnant after 4 or five months of trying and lost the baby. During her trips to the doctor she had full blood tests for all stds including hiv and all came out negative. So my question is after over 3000 times of unprotected sex would it be safe to say she would have it? My next question is does the rash sound like the rash associated with hiv, and my last question is I have been told by HIV docotrs on the the internet sites like med help that if I had hiv for so long I would have had problems that would have led to diagnosis. PLEASE HELP. Need some answers and thoughts

[Ann]

Vinny,

Just go test and put an end to the speculation.

You cannot know your own status by knowing your partner's status.

Yes, it is possible for you to be infected while not infecting your wife. We've had several hiv negative wives here whose husbands had been hiv positive for a while after their marriage and before the husbands diagnosis - yet the wives were still negative.

Yes, it is possible to have hiv for years and not have any illness that would be an obvious red-flag for hiv. I've been poz for fourteen (nearly fifteen) years. I'm still not on hiv meds and I have not had a single illness during that time that would obviously point to hiv.

Just go test. Testing is the ONLY way to accurately know your hiv status.

You can find a  testing center near you by putting your zip code into the search engine at POZ.com's Health Services Directory.


GO TEST. Chances are good that you'll be negative, so go give yourself an early holiday present. Either way, neg or poz, it will be a present. People who wait until they're in hospital fighting for their lives are the main people who are dying of hiv in the USA today. If you are poz, you can take steps to preserve your health. If you're neg, then you can put an end to all of the stressful speculation.

GO TEST. This is non-negotiable!!!

Ann

[vinnyd0621]

Thank you ann, I realize this. I am going to the doctor tomorrow. But in most situations after 8 years of unprotected sex the odds of her contracting hiv would be high correct.  Also how about the rash? And I have not lived in good health meaning I smoke, dont excersise. And also what about the fact that if I got a cold it would go away the next day and also no swollen glands. I know I have to get the test to know but are the odds in my favor. I know wives have stayed negative but is that the norm.

[Ann]

Vinny,

Neither symptoms nor even the lack of symptoms will ever tell you a single thing about your hiv status - ONLY testing will. For that reason, we do not discuss symptoms here.

Once again, just because your wife tested hiv negative the last time she was tested does not mean you are hiv negative. One of the negative wives who used to post on these forums had been with her husband for around ten years when he was diagnosed - and his wasn't a new infection either.

Quit speculating and just go test. Yes, the odds are in your favour, but someone has to win the lottery. GO TEST!

Ann

[vinnyd0621]

Thank you Ann I'm getting a blood test today. I have seen posts on thoughts of certain symptoms. I have this crazy obsession with this rash I had. Please tell me if it sounds like ars to you.  Also I realize people stay long term without being sick but is that the norm. I'm dying inside and can't wait to put this behind me.  I have also been told by doctors that there is only a slim chance my wife would have stayed negative all these years

[Ann]

Vinny,

How should I know what caused your rash years ago? Thousands of different things can cause rashes.

Just get the test done. Nobody can predict what your result will be.

Ann

[Andy Velez]

Getting tested is the right and smart thing for you to do. You've been driving yourself nutz by speculating and worrying for not just months but years. In re-reading your earliest comments it seems as if you were likely protected by a condom during the incident you are worried about.

Nothing you have reported is in any way HIV specific. Taking that all into consideration I would say the odds are in your favor that you are going to test negative.

[vinnyd0621]

andy
   I know i cannot base my status off of my wifes but would it be safe to say she would have gotten sick after all these years including a long period of time of trying to have a baby. And also I have been told by doctors that after 8 years I would have had signs leading to diagnosis. What do you think?

[Andy Velez]

Yes, it would be most likely that if you were HIV+ that by the time 8 years had passed you would have evidenced signs of being positive.

But I don't like to get into guessing games about HIV. Just get tested and resolve the issue. I don't have anything more to add at this time.

[vinnyd0621]

Andy,
I have one more question. If someone had hiv for 8 years and had a routine bloodtest with cbcs it would likely be abnormal correct?

[RapidRod]

No.

[Andy Velez]

The only source for knowing HIV status is an HIV specific test. Period.

Stop guessing about your status and get properly tested with an HIV test. End of story.

[vinnyd0621]

So I have been here before. I have a quick question. I recently got the nerve to go for a complete blood test. CBC. I have not had a blood test in over 10 years. I have been working with my doctor on my severe anxiety over HIV  she thinks I am crazy given my little risk but cannot get this out of my head. My question is that if I had HIV for over 10 years without treatment would I expect to see some disruptions on the CBC  my doctor says yes and there is no way I could be sick with HIV and a completely normal CBC. Is that true. I do realize anything is possible but what are the chances. I have lived a very boring life compared to many people and do not know why this anxiety happened to me please helP

[RapidRod]

Please do not start a new thread every time you have another question or thought - regardless if you think your questions are related to each other or not. It helps us to help you when you keep all your thoughts or questions in one thread and it helps other readers to follow the discussion. Additional threads will be merged.

If you cannot find your thread, click on the "Show own posts" link in the left-hand column of any forum page, under your name.

[Andy Velez]

The only source for knowing HIV status is an HIV specific test. Period.

Stop guessing about your status and get properly tested with an HIV test. End of story.

I've merged your threads here. In the future please follow our rule as stated in the opening thread of this section and keep all entries in this one thread. Thanks for your cooperation.

Your latest question has been answered before as you can see by the quote from my previous response months ago. When looking for HIV status the only test which can reliably give you that answer is an HIV-specific test.

Stop making this situation more complicated than it has to be. I understand you're anxious about the result, but in all likelihood you are going to test negative. But only an HIV test can reliably give you the answer you are looking for.  Everyone is nervous when they take the test. Being scared is not a reason to not get tested. Look at all the time you have spent worrying about this.

Cut out all this drama and just get it done. Keep us posted. I am expecting a negative test result for you.

[vinnyd0621]

andy I realize that. I just was able after many years to get the nerve to go for a regular blood test and I was asking that if one was infected for so many years would there be abnormalitites in the cbc. I know that it does not replace testing but am trying to get the answers to help motivate me to get the nerve to go for a test. I hear you and am going to go but what about the cbc after so many years with hiv. Would it be likely to be affected.

[Ann]

Vinny,

I've been poz for fifteen years now, never on hiv treatment, and my CBC portion of my quarterly labs always return normal ranges.

As you have been REPEATEDLY  told, only hiv antibody testing will ever tell you a single thing about your hiv status. If you have reason to question your status, grow a set and go get tested.

Ann

[vinnyd0621]

Ann I am questioning my status because of a rash I had many years ago and for some reason cannot let it go. I also cannot get the nerve to do it for some reason. If I get a simple cold sore I relate it to hiv. I am also having more anxiety over the situation because I have been having unprotected sex with my wife for many years and get terrified thinking maybe I would give something to her. I have no idea why this is happening to me. I am trying to rationalize it in other ways. And all the things I read and all of the people and doctors I speak to say that I would be sick by now and cbcs would be abnormal. I realize what you say about yourself and also realize that you may be the exception thank god. But everytime I ask this question someone says that it is very likely something would have shown by now. I have not done anything crazy and have not lived a crazy high risk life. But would the normal hiv infected people have problems in this amount of time.

[Ann]

Vinny,

Most people I know who are poz have normal CBCs. I'm not unusual in the least. Some people start having health problems right away after infection, some people take a few more years, and many can and do go for years and years without any obvious problems - but in NONE of those people could you ascertain their hiv status going by CBC results.

A CBC is a panel of very general tests measuring the levels of various components of your blood, but none of the results would ever reveal your hiv status, regardless of whether those levels were low or high or normal.

Just go test and get it over with. While I do not expect you to test positive, it would seem that only a negative result will convince you - and it's the ONLY way to accurately know your status.

You  may also benefit from seeing a therapist to get to the bottom of your hiv obsession. We cannot help you with that here.

You will not be permitted to use this forum to go on and on about your inability to go get a simple test done. Either get the test done and report your result, or go find someone else to complain to about this. You are not using this forum in the intended manner, so if you continue on in this vein, you will be given a Time Out.

Please consider yourself warned!!!

Ann