Please read and give me your advice - worried sick

[Jack 1]

Hi all,

I'm living and working in moscow but from UK. On firiday night I had unprotected vaginal sex with a prostitute twice. I know it was stupid and I am now very frightened. I am married and feel terrible that I have dont this to my wife and family. I am also feeling terrible guilt. I am 38 and so stupid. I am in a pressure job and unable to concentrate with all the worry, I cannot eat or sleep. I am convinced that this girl is probably HIV + and cannot know why she let me have sex without a condom but at the same time have no one to blame but myself. If she's HIV positive as I think she is then is it a slame dunk that I get it too? especially as we done it twice and the first time I was inside her for about 10 / 15 mins. The scond time I did not come inside her / outside her.

Please if there is anyone who has been here and got through it could you please let me know.....I'm trying to concentate on work and need to hear some positive words....

Finally, I think this is a great site....

Jack

[RapidRod]

The only thing you can do is test. 3 months is when you can collect your conclusive result.

[Andy Velez]

Hi Jack,

First of all, no it is by no means a slam dunk that you will become infected if the woman you were with is even HIV+. HIV is not an easy virus to transmit. It is significantly more difficult to transmit from female to male so that is also in your favor. Of course lower risk is not the same as no risk, so yes, you do need to get tested.

The average time to seroconversion is 22 days. All but the smallest number of those who are going to seroconvert will do so within 4-6 weeks after a possible exposure. So just to get an early result you might get tested at 6 weeks. A negative at 6 weeks points towards almost certainly testing negative again at 13 weeks.

In the meantime stay productively busy and the waiting time can pass more quickly than you may imagine possible at this point.

At this point you may not be planning to stray again, but being a dawg like many of us, just make sure you use a condom everytime if you do. They provide very effective protection.

Good luck and keep us posted.

Cheers,

[Jack 1]

Hi Andy,

Thanks for the quick response. I understand that the risk is low risk but not no risk from Man to Women. However part of the reason I am going out of my mind with worry is because the first time I had sex with her I was inside her for about 10 t0 15 mins. Surely I must have exposed myself to greater risk than average here if the girl is HIV +.

I was wondering if there is any correlation between the lenght of time inside the girl and the level of risk one exposes themselves to. I guess there is and am only grasping at straws here but would really appreciate if some one could tell me if they know anything about this.

Thanks again and I'll try and keep busy.....but generally finding it tough to concentrate. My mind keeps wandering to the fact that I may be positive and that I'm going to have to tell my wife and family.

Thanks
Jack

[Andy Velez]

Jack, your fears and wanting some kind of reassuring information are very understandable. We're obviously talking about an important health concern.

But also there is no getting around that you have a waiting period to get through. When you find yourself tensing up do the good deep and slow breathing which I recommend. It's amazing how calming it can be. And with a disciplined effort on your part you can focus on keeping productively busy. Those little pellets of emotion that go off every once in a while -- just let them be and get on with your work and your life.

I suggest testing at 6 weeks for a preliminary result. Assuming you test negative then, and I think you have a good chance of that happening, you'll know the likelihood is that you're going to continue to test negative at 13 weeks.

Now, get busy.

Cheers, 

[Jack 1]

Andy,

Thanks for all the advice and support. Yes am doing as you suggested and keeping busy and trying not to think about the odds / likelyhood etc.
I will try and do one of these advance tests you can do after 2 to 3 weeks (think they measure viral load) and then hopefully all goes ok.
In the meantime I will focus on other things and cross the test bridge when it comes.

One thing that I was wondering though, is the odds approx. 3% of a male catching HIV during vaginal sex from someone infected. A fried of mine that had the same problem a few months ago told me that the dosctor said it was about 3%. However when I look at a study from the US Dept of Health it gives a much lower % (5 infected  in 10,000 of exposures to an infected source) = 0.05%. Its just there is a huge difference between these two percentages. Anyway I'm giving up researching on the internet as there are so many wildy different opinions / views.

Andy and all here hope you have a good xmas and new year and hopefully the news I bring in 2008 is a negative result.

Thanks all
Jack.

[Ann]

Jack,

The ONLY "advance" testing you should engage in is standard antibody testing at six weeks. You're just going to have to sweat it out. The PCR DNA viral load testing is NOT approved for diagnostic purposes as it has a high rate of returning FALSE positives. Do yourself a favour and don't go down that road.

The vast majority of people who have actually been infected will seroconvert and test positive by six weeks on the standard antibody tests. A six week negative is very unlikely to change, but must be confirmed at the three month point.

Just to give you some perspective, I was with my previous bf for a year and a half before we discovered my positive status - but he yet he remained hiv negative. Like all new relationships, we had a LOT of sex in the early days - without condoms. He was still hiv negative when the relationship ended eight years later. We used condoms AFTER my diagnosis, but not before.

You need to test, but the odds are overwhelmingly in your favour of testing negative from a ONE time encounter. You need to learn from this though and start using condoms.

Ann

[Jack 1]

Ann,

Thanks for writing to me. I find that amazing that you were positive and yet he never picked it up. So it does seem that its difficult to pick up but that you shouldn't ride your luck. Thanks for the advice re. the viral load testing - I'll give it a miss as the last thing I need is a false positive!!

I'll stick it out for the 6 weeks. do as Andy suggests and keep my self busy / concentrate on other stuff and then just take the test.
I will update you in due course. I'll sign off now until I test as there is no point in continuously asking what if questions.

Thanks again to all on this site, it has been a life saver effectively for me as the initial guilt followed by the fear was completely destroying me. On top of that the stuff on the internet in general is very contradictory and ofter misleading - whereas I have this site to be very honest and very supportive. Also the information given is always consistent and seems accurate.

Have a good xmas and new all and talk in 20008.

Jack

[Andy Velez]

You have a good Christmas as well. And for what it's worth I do expect you to come out of this ok.

Cheers,

[Jack 1]

Hi Andy / Anne,

Just to let you know that last Friday 4 I went to a clinic in london and got a HIV Proviral test done. I know Anne that you advised me against it however the issue I was offered a permanent position in Moscow and was told to think about it over xmas. The issue then arose that my wife was going to give her notice to work last week in London and then come to Moscow on a permanent basis in Feb / March. The additional complication is that in order to get an annual visa for Moscow (up to now I have been getting single entry / Double entry visas) you need to do a HIV test and it must be negative.

Basically I had visions of my wife resigning to come to Moscow and then ending up HIV positive and then we'd have to leave Moscow. I managed to getr my wife to delay speaking with her boss at work until today re. resigning as I was reliying on having the results by then.

Anyway the HIV

[Jack 1]

Hi Andy / Anne,

Just to let you know that last Friday 4th Jan (exposure 14th Dec) I went to a clinic in london and got a HIV Proviral test done (some details on test at the end of note). I know Anne that you advised me against it however the issue I was offered a permanent position in Moscow and was told to think about it over xmas. The issue then arose that my wife was going to give her notice to work last week in London and then come to Moscow on a permanent basis in Feb / March. The additional complication is that in order to get an annual visa for Moscow (up to now I have been getting single entry / Double entry visas) you need to do a HIV test and it must be negative.

Basically I had visions of my wife resigning to come to Moscow and then ending up HIV positive and then we'd have to leave Moscow. I managed to getr my wife to delay speaking with her boss at work until today re. resigning as I was reliying on having the results by then.

Anyway the HIV Proviral is negative and I got the result yesterday. I know that its not 100% accurate however it is supposed to be 96 - 99% accurate. I will test again in 12 weeks and hope all is ok as my wife has now resigned.

This has been a nightmare....never again will I be so stupid. I have learned my lesson.

Andy / Anne et all thanks for your help and re-assurance its what kept me going over the xmas. Andy / Anne, could you please let me know what your thoughts are of testing negative again in 12 weeks.....it would seem its quite unlikely that I would test positive now?

Thanks again for all your support and I think this site is fantastic.

Jack

[color=blue]The 'Early' HIV-1 Proviral Test
Another way to test for HIV infection, other then looking for antibodies, is to look for the genetic material (DNA/RNA) of the HIV virus itself in a blood sample. One such test is the HIV Proviral DNA test, which uses a complex technique called PCR to detect the virus. This test detects the presence of HIV-1 as early as 10 days following infection and does so with a sensitivity of around 96 to 99%. Because of the complexity of this test, a result is not usually available for 5 to 7 working days.[/color]

http://www.regentsparkclinic.com/testing-for-hiv-_35/

[RapidRod]

Did you leave off the following information? "if you have a Proviral test you will usually be advised to have a standard HIV test after the 12 week window period has elapsed, for complete assurance."

[Jack 1]

Hi Rapidrod,

The Doc said I should test at 12 weeks so the outcome is conclusive.

[Ann]

Jack,

All things considered, it is highly unlikely you have become infected from this incident. You do need to confirm at three months, but I do not expect the result to change and neither should you.

Ann

[Jack 1]

Thanks Anne. Will do a test again at 12 weeks and hopefully put this to bed.

One thing that has frightened me a little is that I have all of a sudden got a head cold...this weekend. I'm assuming its not symptoms of seroconversion however it has freaked me out a little.

I'm guessing that the pro viral test is prettly accurate and I just have to wait for 12 weeks and test then.

God what nightmare....I was fine until I got this cold. I guess Anne / Andy that its unlikely symptoms of seroconversion....

Anyway thanks for all the support here and I'll update everyone in due course.

[Matty the Damned]

Jack,

It's just a head cold, it's not seroconversion illness.

MtD

[Andy Velez]

Getting a cold is absolutely not in any way a symptom of ARS. It's -- a cold. Right now I suspect if you get a hangnail you'll be fidgety about it. Get and stay productively busy and the waiting time will pass much more comfortably than you may imagine possible.

The average time to seroconversion is 22 days. Given your initial negative result and the specifics of your single exposure I do expect you to come out of this ok.

Cheers,

[Jack 1]

Thanks Andy,

Yes I agree with you that any sign of any kind of illness and I'll add 2+2 and get 5.
Anyway will do as you recommend and keep busy and test after 13weeks.

Cheers and thanks again for all the support.

Jack