I've never really dealt with depression that I wasn't able to to get out of

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BubbaPat:
I truly don't understand the person I've become.

I'm depressed and can't get out of. To talk of feelings or even health was just a nope in our family. Headaches called for Aspirin and stomach anything was Pepto.

Over the years I've been on pills for my HIV which I got being a dumb slut then giving it to my husband because we both thought we were negative and didn't wear protection. So the pills we take and we both deal. I don't blame him and I don't think he blames me.

I did talk to my doctor about ADHD... which I thought was under control Good God... I'm over 50 and it's just NOW becoming an issue... what kind of failure ami I?

Now I started back to college and am sabotaging myself.... this is stupid. I'm supposed to get wiser with age...not revert to stupid mistakes. I figured since I got fired for stopping a shoplifter, I could do stuff around the house, which I put off. Then my husband says the business is doing good... go back to school. Great idea!!! Grandpa in school o even worse.. taking on line classes. Who was I kidding... I'm not built for this.

Gotta come up with plan for something else. I'm tired of being this stupid and out of work.

Thanks for reading my rant. I needed to get this off my chest until I figure something out.

Jim Allen:
Hiya,

Wish I could help. I know depression is something that seems to take most people I have to known time and effort to work on and there is no one approach that fits all.

--- Quote ---I did talk to my doctor about ADHD... which I thought was under control Good God... I'm over 50 and it's just NOW becoming an issue... what kind of failure ami I?
--- End quote ---

I'm 40 and if you ask me I will tell you that I am managing my ADHD well, it doesn't bother me but the truth is it drives everyone around me nuts. It's been an issue my entire life and I don't manage it well at all.

I've stopped working since April and am a stay-at-home dad. Signed up for college stuff as I thought that would be good, get educated, learn something. Books etc have arrived, I have the online access etc but I got distracted... and now its June::)

So when you figure it out keep me posted.

Tonny2:

ojo. @bubbapat…I’m so sorry you are feeling depressed and I wonder how, someone whom always makes me smile and makes my days every time you reply to my posts, anyway, I guess depresión is tough. I remember when I felt deporesed when having lost most of my eyesight I started to lose my hearing, I was so scared of someone breaking in to my house and I not even know it, thankfully I recupérated my hearing.

Let me tell you about going back to school at your age, when I was young and beautiful, well, young, 19, I had a classmate older than you, my classmate was 65 years old and became and engineer, if he could do it, you will do it too. I think that keeping nag yourself busy it will help you feel better, for sure…I wish I were there this give you a bubba hug because your bubba hugs always make me feel good. Hang in there and if you need a shoulder that lean on, I have two…love from your sunshine

CircularNatural:
Hey there, sorry to hear that you are dealing with depression, I've also been depressed since my diagnosis (I'm a very "OCD person" so I'm always thinking about HIV / judging myself). I'm finding some help with antidepressants (I'm taking vortioxetine) and started CBT therapy recently, hope it helps as well.
Take care and hope you find wellbeing and be able to move on as beat as possible ❤️

BubbaPat:
Thanks guys!!

I never really reacted when I found out. My doctor thought I already knew. He apologize when I told him I didn't know and I just carried our conversation on to treatment and such. Since we were moving to SF, he referred us to a friend of his who was GREAT until he retired without us knowing. From then on, we've not had the best luck with doctors. The one we have now is good... i just don't know.
I'm on anti anxiety, depression and ADHD meds. For someone who H A T E S pills, this really sucks. Luckily they are all easy, it's my Triumeq that is the freaking horse pill.

The depression just sucks because used to I'd snap out of it within a day. Now.. I'm good of a few hours but it's in the back of my head... just having a conversation in my brain. I sometimes wish I was a true Multiple Personality that way I could actually have a conversation in my head, currently it's just a storm of thoughts that run around.

I know I'm being a whiney baby but now is the time I miss my Mom. I could just call her and we could talk about everything and nothing but by the end of the call, we both felt better.

I know I'll get though it. It's just when I hit that low point and just sit, stare and go blank, it creeps in and is like a weight holding in me place and my brain in a fog.

Again, thanks for the words guys.
And Tony... you amaze me! A ray of sunshine you are.

Bubba hugs!

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