Author Topic: cell phone (Read 11944 times)

zach · « **on:** October 03, 2014, 08:06:53 pm »

a few of you know why. i haven't told anyone in the real world. and i sort of feel like this is the only place i can really admit this.

it's been almost five years and i still can't use a cell phone again. i tried to buy one today, couldn't do it.

i've kept some very violent thoughts squashed way down, and i'm past that part of it now.

my sons birthday is coming up, and i couldn't remember how old would be for a second. twelve years old.

Ptrk3 · « **Reply #1 on:** October 03, 2014, 10:03:48 pm »

My thoughts are with you, Zach. I wish you the peace of mind you richly deserve. You are a good man and a wise soul. Remember that, always.

intaglio · « **Reply #2 on:** October 04, 2014, 08:32:20 am »

Quote from: zach on October 03, 2014, 08:06:53 pm

my sons birthday is coming up, and i couldn't remember how old would be for a second. twelve years old.

I have four kids. To figure out how old one is, I have to first remember what year they were born, what year this is -and then do math. I don't always get the right answer.

Whatever the reason on the cellphone, don't ever feel you have to explain. Your friends won't care and the rest don't matter.

mecch · « **Reply #3 on:** October 04, 2014, 11:08:36 am »

Did you son die in a cell phone related accident?

zach · « **Reply #4 on:** October 04, 2014, 01:40:39 pm »

yeah, man was fumbling to answer his phone, tboned their car about 70mph, so fucking random i'll never make sense of it.

two lives lost. thats a misdemeanor in georgia, $1000 fine per life. ex had just got engaged, fiance died on the scene, he and will were buried next to each other. thats still weird for me. tombstone has picture of them fishing together.

couple months later i was dx'd. somewhere in that summer i started using again

time doesn't heal all wounds. most of the past four years i haven't coped well. some days it hits like a panic attack. ptsd was the easy dx, i got really self destructive. shrink that finally got me through it had me on a massive dose of seroquel and kept baker acting me until i settled down

i wrote this about two hours ago, just been looking at it since. taking the dog to the park. it's gonna be rough couple weeks. if there are any drunk posts, yall just keep ignoring them. it works for me

buginme2 · « **Reply #5 on:** October 04, 2014, 03:00:41 pm »

That's horrible. I'm very sorry.

Jeff G · « **Reply #6 on:** October 04, 2014, 04:12:57 pm »

I didn't know all that Zack . You are a brave man, I know a thing or two about what pain and sorrow can lead a man to do, so ... you have my understanding . I would rather have a persons understanding any day than sympathy .

mitch777 · « **Reply #7 on:** October 04, 2014, 04:42:17 pm »

My heart goes out to you Zach. I truly cannot even pretend to imagine what you went through and are still going through.

mecch · « **Reply #8 on:** October 04, 2014, 05:06:01 pm »

My heart breaks to come to grips with what you just wrote. I am very sorry.

About the cell phone shopping trip. Did you expect that i would be difficult, was it a test to see if you could? Or did it just plow you down out of the blue? Please stay away from any known trigger. What does shrink say? Is it important to force through triggers? I dunno. Myself just avoid them until they slowly fade and its ok.

Maybe someday you're just gonna find you have a cell phone and its OK.

absopozilutely · « **Reply #9 on:** October 06, 2014, 11:23:35 pm »

Zach, I wrote a long post, and deleted it talking about why you should have a phone and blah blah. I read it, sounded like an unsympathetic asshole. Sending my love your way.

when you're ready for the phone they're available. No reason to rush, take your time.

OneTampa · « **Reply #10 on:** October 15, 2014, 10:54:48 am »

Zach,

I am so sorry to read about your loss. I have a grown son and can only imagine how you feel.

My long term partner and several of my family members (Mother, Father, Sister, Aunt and Cousin) have died. It is still difficult for me at times.

Sending my very best wishes and support to you.

Take care.

Joe K · « **Reply #11 on:** October 19, 2014, 05:35:30 pm »

Zach,

While time can heal many wounds, some wounds will never heal and that's OK. Trauma, such as yours, can only be healed from within and when you are able, you will heal. Healing never means forgetting. Healing means remembering the good times, rather than lamenting what might have been.

Joe

tryingtostay · « **Reply #12 on:** October 20, 2014, 09:41:52 pm »

Hope you are doin better, Zach

zach · « **Reply #13 on:** October 20, 2014, 09:47:06 pm »

avoidance is bliss. i'm fine, no phone though

Denver Toad · « **Reply #14 on:** October 20, 2014, 11:40:02 pm »

Zach... I carry a cell less and less these days. Times of quiet have more value than being in uninterrupted contact.

Joan Didion, Year of Magical Thinking. When I needed healing her writing touched me in places I've never let anyone into. Hang tough, day at a time... day at a time.

zach · « **Reply #15 on:** November 11, 2014, 06:45:11 pm »

decided... i'm gonna get a phone, keep it simple, just go do

and an angel stepped back into my life last night, a old lover, man we had good chemistry... and now she says its not too late

and i have to tell this girl i'm positive... she won't back down without a good explanation, and maybe she can handle the hivbomb

its gonna hurt if she doesn't. and i'm a chicken shit if i don't

i'm tired of holding back, it ain't living if you don't feel alive

need a job, get a better place, settle back down.

i'm still letting hiv define me, i have to stop that

BT65 · « **Reply #16 on:** November 17, 2014, 06:49:22 pm »

Zac, I am so glad you're sharing with us at this volatile time. To lose a child is something no one should ever have to go through. If I could I would reach across the states and give you a huge hug.

Good luck with the lady. If she's worth it, she'll accept it; if not,she's not worth it. Any lady would be lucky to be in a relationship with you.

I do remember you posting about your loss quite awhile ago. You certainly have grown personally since then. Keep sharing.

Huge hugs-
Betty

Theyer · « **Reply #17 on:** December 17, 2014, 03:46:05 pm »

Hugs and wishing you all you desire for the rest off your life.
That sums up nicely.

phenethylamine · « **Reply #18 on:** July 15, 2015, 08:08:52 pm »

Sorry Zach

(just found this)
*hugs*

DANIELtakashi · « **Reply #19 on:** July 17, 2015, 07:15:13 am »

Zach,

I knew that you had lost a son but did not know what really had happened nor did l ask you about it.
I am deeply sorry that such a tragedy happened.
You are in my thoughts.

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Author Topic: cell phone (Read 11944 times)