POZ Community Forums
HIV Prevention and Testing => Do I Have HIV? => Topic started by: twtm2002 on June 17, 2006, 01:12:24 pm
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Hi - I have posted here before but had to login/register again.
First of all - this site is a saviour to so many. Thank you for your work.
Secondly, I have not posted for some times because I have been in counselling discussing my fear of contracting HIV.
Finally, I lapsed last week and saw an escort. We had protected oral (I wore a condom) so I know I was safe. However, the girl did taste her vaginal juices with her fingers and then kissed me soon after on the lips. What are the chances of infection in this scenario? I am assuming small to theoretical? No cuts, no sores etc.
thank you in advance and best wishes
a slightly calmer person!
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tw,
We are now using a new and different forum software and we all had to re-register.
However, the girl did taste her vaginal juices with her fingers and then kissed me soon after on the lips. What are the chances of infection in this scenario? I am assuming small to theoretical?
I'm sorry but you assume wrong. There is absolutely NO risk of hiv infection, cuts or no cuts, sores or no sores. No risk.
Please keep up the good work in counseling and don't view your relapse as a total failure. Just pick yourself up and put this incident behind you. You did not have a risk of hiv infection.
Ann
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thanks ann for your speedy response. I suspected as much but went through a load of mind-games/what ifs such as - if she had a small amount vaginal juice on her lip and i had a small cut on my lips etc...BUT, even I realise that transmission doesn't occur like that!
The girl later told me she didn't go for HIV testing (she always uses condoms) but was clear of other STDs as she checks monthly. I think her not knowing her HIV status also freaked me out.
anyway, onwards and upwards and back to tell my counsellor who is a splending, understanding chap.
best wishes to all.
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Hi
It has been a while - and for that I am pleased with my progress - but I sadly lapsed last week and had an erotic massage and have now become paranoid about infection again. I masturbated the girl while she touched me and clearly, her vaginal fluids touched my fingers (which were clean and cut-free)....I washed my hands thoroughly before touching my penis after the massage but the next day (sat) I had lots of aches and my neck glands were up. I just need some re-assurance and then I can move on and not post again for many many months!
best wishes and keep up the good work...
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tw,
I've merged your new thread into your original thread - where you should post all your additional thoughts or questions. It helps us to help you when you keep all your additional thoughts or questions in one thread.
If you need help finding your thread when you come here, click on the "Show own posts" link under your name in the left-hand column of any forum page.
Please also read through the Welcome Thread (http://forums.poz.com/index.php?topic=220.0) so you can familiarize yourself with our Forum Posting Guidelines. Thank you for your cooperation.
Mutual masturbation is NOT a risk for hiv infection. Please make sure you read through the Transmission Lesson found in the Welcome thread, so you can understand what is a risk and what isn't. Mutual masturbation is NOT.
Ann
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Hi again - trying to use old post....so I succumbed again and was given a hand-job.....I feel awful and ashamed and must get help again...I've also come out in a rash on my neck and right shoulder. I know the answer but SO value your clear guidance....this isn't HIV/ARS is it? I KNOW you can't transmit via someone touching your cock or ass with bare hands (however dirty) but the irrationality that takes over is just incredible.
I have stopped seeing my counsellor but plan to do so again. I lasted several months last time and need his help again - the simple issue is cost!
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No--that isn't HIV. You are definitely correct that you need to go back to your counselor.
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If you are going to act like this every time you get a wank job, then maybe you seriously need to keep your pecker in your pants until sometime you can deal with your issues.
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hi- thanks for this reply - it is reassuring despite my ability to objectively ascertain before you wrote anything that all would be OK. I think so much of this is tied to guilt (punishing oneself for betrayal etc..) and also in my case to issues from my past. I am sorry to be weak and message again esp. as i feel angry that i could fall into the trap of believing i could be infected from a handjob! But, such is the way the mind works. happy new year and yes, i am seeing someone soon!
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Hi -- I lapsed again. It has been a LONG time so i am not all consumed with pain and anger about my inability to stop seeing people outside my r'ship for sexual gratification.....BUT, i do feel those awful pangs of HIV paranoia and clearly shame. I'm continuing the counselling and I URGE all people who have some sort of addiction to seek help. This board is also the greatest, most rational place on the web to assuage fears....
So, again, it was JUST mutual masturbation with an escort - an American woman - she said she was clean and checked twice a year (she says that is common in US girls in major cities)....My hand did touch her pussy and then my exposed penis.....but, I am assuming in ALL scenarios of mutual masturbation - even with vaginal juices touching an exposed penis outside of intercourse - i am safe?
I have one further question - can STIs be transmitted by mutual masturbation? If so, which ones are most common? I have no real idea how Hepatitis is most likely to be transmitted...any thoughts most appreciated....
yours in hope and love
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tw,
Mutual masturbation is one of the safest things you can do sexually. Hiv is absolutely not a concern here. There is a slight possibility of herpes, gonorrhea, clamydia or syphilis through mutual masturbation, but it is unlikely. Hepatitis is mainly spread through blood contact, but will not be spread through mutual masturbation.
If you're going to be freaked out every time you engage in mutual masturbation, maybe wearing a condom would help you feel more confident.
Mutual masturbation is NOT a risk for hiv.
Ann
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Thank you Ann. Yes, I plan to wear a condom next time. In fact, I plan not to stray next time....Your reassurance re:HIV is so helpful. It calms the irrationality enormously. Thank you.
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Guys
I've lapsed again - it has been a while and the counselling for my "addiction" is really helping.
But, I am writing in fear again
I had an encounter with an escort who also strips in clubs
We had protected oral - no worry there (hey, i am learning sthing!)
but, i also fingered her and 2 days later i see i had 2 very small cuts on the active hand! one of my index finger - the cut is like a paper cut and the other under a nail. Both a tad sore but not weeping much at all.
She was not particularly wet in her vagina but I am of course paranoid i've had an exposure from this reckless fingering act....
Please can you reassure and I have already left a message for my counsellor so hopefully will move on...
your wisdom and kindess is ALWAYS so brilliant.
x
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Fingering is NOT a risk of contracting HIV. Read the lessons on transmission. You can find the link in the "Welcome" thread.
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thanks for this - does that include even having small cuts on the hands? could you just give me a very quick understanding of why that is so? I suppose i "ignorantly" thought a small open wound being exposed to vaginal fluid could potentially infect quite easily? thanks for the speedy reply - best to all and keep well xx
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Yes, nicks, small cuts, abrasions, blisters and rashes. There is no risk.
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thanks so much - i assume from the reading i've done that is because of the fragility of the virus?
many thanks x
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Even if the woman you were with is HIV+, fingering would not be a risk. The bodily fluids which would contain HIV are in the cervical area, qute a ways up from where you would be fingering.
And nicks, cuts, bruises, abrasions and whatever notwithstanding, there has never been a documented case of transmission via this very, very common sexual activity. It's safe to say, that even though you're a dog like the rest of us, you aren't going to make history by becoming the first.
Just keep the latex condoms handy for when you get around to intercourse. And use them!
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thanks andy - of course, sod's law i have a sore throat a week after the event so am totally paranoid but UNDERSTAND your points and information.
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Sore throats happen for all sorts of reasons. No matter what your mind may say otherwise about it, it has nothing to do with HIV and yours is not an HIV situation. Period. End of story.
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thanks Andy
I've actually now been on penicillin for sore tonsils and had a weird rash on my groin - I've tried to put this down to thrush/jock itch as a result of the penicillin but of course, I'm a neurotic mess and think it is ARS. While I absolutely understand the small open cut on my finger which I inserted into her vagina is not a risk I still am racked with anxiety -- of course, much of this is guilt related and I know I need help. I am just grateful that you guys offer such sage advice and that I can keep re-reading your posts to reassure me.
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tw,
Hiv doesn't cause a "wierd rash" on people's groins. If you're worried about the rash and want to get it treated - guess what, only your doctor can do that for you.
Ann
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Hi - I am back again. It has been a LONG while and I am proud of my good behaviour - but today I lapsed.
I went to an escort and we engaged in mutual masturbation and she blew her breath on my penis (not sucking, just blowing/caressing) - i also used a dildo on her vagina/anus. I then ejaculated in her mouth tho I didn't insert it fully so my penis shaft didn't touch any of her inner mouth (she had put vaginal fluid in her mouth from her finger). I am angry as this is so weak and awful of me but I am trying hard and plan to take action again with a counsellor.
Could you just reassure me that nothing I have done constitutes a risk? I know it probs is a zilch risk but i just need some re-assurance.
sorry and sorry to myself
but your help is heroic
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twt,
Nothing you did put you at risk for anything - other than beating yourself up.
Wanting and having sexual contact with another human being is natural and normal, so yes, please see a counselor so you can get to the bottom of why your sexual activities cause you so much mental anguish. We cannot help you with that here. If you keep posting about this NO RISK situation, you will quickly be given a time out.
Ann
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Ann
thanks for the reply - I am going to see my counsellor about my addiction. I am so grateful for your reassurance.
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ann
final question - promise...what are my chances of getting another form of sti if not hiv from my recent experience? is it small given there was no oral contact - the escort did obviously touch my penis etc..tho not after she has touched herself etc..her breath was v close to the penis head tho..
i assume this is a slight risk for sti transmission but unlikely?
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You are not going to contact HIV or any other STD by someones breath.
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HIV is not an airborne virus and cannot be transmitted by casual contacts or by someone breathing on you..seriously you need to re-read the Welcome Thread (http://forums.poz.com/index.php?topic=220.0) and follow the lessons on how HIV is and is not transmitted.
Jan
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thanks - i was specifically not referring to HIV but other STIs. sorry! And, I was also referring to mutual masturbation and transmission of these "normal" stis.
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twt,
This is an hiv site, not an STI site.
Keep working with your counselor. There's nothing more we can do for you here and if you come back with more about your latest incident, you'll be timed out.
Ann
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can i ask the potential risks of this? i saw a call girl today and did suck her breasts for some time - she didn't have cuts or sores but i read that it is a risk? What would be the transmittable fluid? I am ridiculously axnxious.
pls help
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PLease keep all your thoughts and questions in your original thread, per the posting guidelines. Your questions will only be answered once you return to your original thread.
Thanks.
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hi
sorry - back to original thread
is it possible to contract hiv from breast sucking over prolonged period e.g. ten mins?
pls clarify
x
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I've merged your threads. Please keep everything in this one thread.
No, you can suck a woman's breast as long as you like. It's not going to put you at risk. Your fearful mind is mistakenly mixing up an HIV+ mother nursing an infant as a possible means of transmission. Suck away. It's not an issue for you.
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Thank you for returing to your original thread..please keep all your question in this one from now on.
This is not an HIV risk..please read Welcome Thread (http://forums.poz.com/index.php?topic=220.0) and read how HIV is and isn't transmitted.
Jan
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No, you can't catch HIV from sucking on a woman's breast. The only possible transmissable fluid I can think of there would be breast milk. But even there, it would have to be with an HIV+ woman, she would have to be lactating (and HIGHLY infectious) and you would have to be, well...feeding like a baby. I mean drinkin', man. And even then, there are inhibitory factors in human saliva that deactivate the virus.
So again...NO. No risk.
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thanks andy - that is extremely reassuring. I googled the question and of course all sorts of nonsense came up which freaked me out big time! I suddenly panicked and went cold. I realised there must be a difference between a nursing woman and a babe and me sucking on a large boob! I just thought 2 and 2 equalled 5....oy. x
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It should be reassuring. You just got THREE resounding "NO's" !
Cheers.
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ps:
no she wasn't lactating or else she'd be pretty odd and i am pretty certain she isn't hiv + tho as she reassured me that aside from unprotected oral she does nothing riskier than that in her professional life. I just got anxious from web results i read!
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REALITY CALLING TWT! REALITY CALLING TWT!
Stop surfing the web or otherwise I can promise you that will find even more that will cause you to worry needlessly. How about finding more productive uses for your time? Like doing something useful for others? Just a thought...
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thanks andy - i am seeing my counsellor (they cost a fortune where i live!) on tuesday as have to deal with this pattern of awful anxiety and emotional confusion. Of course, the 24 hours after my last encounter this week i've been suffering with a bad cold and slight fever. I know I know...but i keep thinking the worst despite the breast sucking advice above.
your site deserves an award for sthing - probs patience!
best
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Yes, well all of the symptoms and feelings in the world don't matter in this case because you weren't at risk. Period.
Get on with your life.
Cheers,
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Andy - just been diagnoses with prostatitis which was caused by bacterial infection - it could have been caused by anal fingering by masseuse. I didn't ask the doctor because felt embarassed to do so but assume you can't get HIV from anal fingering unless blood is pouring from the inserted finger?
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You were never at risk for HIV from fingering and no one would finger anyone with a laceration of the finger.
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hi andy et al - been a good boy for some time but had a lapse today. I am not freaking which is a huge step forward but wanted some clarity as i did have an incident which previously would have caused concern and high anxiety...
i ended up fingering (nothing more) a masseuse and kissing her quite hard on the lips - when we finished i noticed i had either cracked my lip kissing her or possibly some blood from her vagina had ended up on my face (tho i don't rationally believe she was bleeding..) - it wasn't a lot of blood but it was visible
i just want to know the risks associated with blood in the mouth from
a)kissing i.e. she kisses me and i kiss her and i start bleeding
b)if i did potentially ingest a small amount of her vaginal blood indirectly in my mouth as a result of fingering her, is this a risk?
ps:
i do have a very small gum boil on the inside of my mouth tho this isn't bleeding.
advice sought and then i'll disappear again
best to all
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tw,
As you did not have unprotected anal or vaginal intercourse, you have not had a risk for hiv infection. You should know this stuff by now.
We're not here to hold your hand every time you have a sexual experience. Perhaps it's time you sought counseling so you can learn to cope with your anxieties on your own, like adults do.
Ann
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Hi Ann
I am in counselling and have made progress - hence, far far less posts on here. I just worried about having the blood after my session with this girl and wondered if i had possibly got some of her blood in my mouth - even a small amount - what the risk would be? That's all.
Otherwise, i do fully understand the risks re:vaginal/anal
best
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Getting blood in your mouth is not a risk TW. Continue with your counselling.
MtD
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thanks matty - i am in counselling. I just wanted to be clear why getting blood in the mouth isn't a risk?
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Hi all - it has been a while and I've been in some intense counselling but i've lapsed into a panic which upsets and angers me!
I've seen four tantric masseuses in the last 2 months. Each one has allowed me to mutually masturbate i.e. they allow fingering of their vaginas and they touched my penis. One also used her mouth on my testicles. I've subsequently had a persistent ear ache and swollen lymph nodes around my neck. My doctor has given me penicillin for the ear infection but it is still there.
I KNOW i am probably being totally pathetic as I've not had intercourse with these women and they reassured me of their status. But, is there any relationship to otitis/lymph nodes and a persistent cold to ARS?
pls reassure - thanks
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Haven't you read any of the advise anyone has given you?..you have come back with the same questions..it's time you started listening and educating yourself on how HIV is and isn't transmitted...if you come back with the same questions you will get a 28 TO...please consider yourself warned.
Jan
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Hi
I have not been on your wonderful site for some time due to some absolutely great counselling I've been receiving.
However, I've become extremely anxious today and wanted some reassurance that my mind is simply playing tricks.
Context is that I've had a very bad cold/flu and cough on and off since Dec.
This has included throat ulcers and bad sweats plus general fatigue.
I had some blood analysis done today and the results suggest significan gut immune activation and inflammation.
I have only had two "potentially risky" encounters since December. Both were cases of mutual masturbation and kissing with call girls. Nothing more. I did insert fingers into vaginas but nothing more.
Why would the gut be so activated? Why are my immune systems so weakened?
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You've been asked before not to start new threads. I've merged your latest with your previous one. Use only this thread for entries. Thank you.
Once again you are worrying needlessly as far as HIV is concerned. You've been here often enough to know that the only confirmed sexual risks for HIV transmission are unprotected vaginal and anal intercourse. Nothing you are reporting in your latest entry put you at risk for HIV.
We can't diagnose here. You should be discussing your concerns with your doctor.
Like your previous concerns, this latest one is not an HIV situation.
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hi
i have lapsed sadly and wanted some reassurance
i went for a massage and ended up fingering internally the anus of the masseuse
does this pose a risk?
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Same old same old. You've already been told what is and is not a risk for HIV transmission. Neither fingering nor being fingered are risks for HIV.
You need to remember what has been told to you before so that you don't come running here anxiously everytime you have a sexual experience.
If you come back with more of the same you are going to find yourself getting a Time Out. Consider yourself warned.
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tw,
You've been coming here for four years - FOUR - and you still don't know the answer to your question? When are you going to learn to think for yourself and apply what you've learned here to your life?
Don't bother coming back for more - you're long overdue for a time out. In fact, you should be on a permanent ban by now.
Grow up and get yourself into some psychological therapy for your very obvious hiv phobia. We cannot help you any further here.
Ann
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Ann, Andy
I am sorry if i have irritated you but as you might see from earlier posts i have been in counselling for some time and have not posted for over a year. I have been trying to deal with my sexual urges and why i put myself in these ridiculous states of paranoia. I suppose there is an inherent illogic to hiv anxiety which i see in others who post - namely, how can you just catch hiv from insertive oral/anal sex and not via any other means. Yet, other viruses spread so much more easily. I am not trying to excuse the fact i am being stupid by continually asking if i can get hiv from putting a finger in a girl's bum but i think as brilliantly trained and highly experienced guides in this world you should understand the psychosis people go through. As for me, i am back talking to my counsellor and will repeat 100 times i can't get hiv from fingering a girl's bum or vagina or from unprotected oral sex!
best wishes for all the work you do
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Team
I have - as you can see - been off this site for some time.
For the last year I have been extremely well and healthy
However, since December I have been ill with repeated flu, bronchitis and tonsilitiis as well as night sweats - the works
I went for bloods today and was told my iron was low as were my lymphocytes...
I then panicked in a way I have avoided for over a year...
My last HIV test was on March 7th and was the 28 day test - it came back negative
My last low-risk exposure was on Feb 14th - mutual masturbation from a tantric massage
My question is not whether I might have exposed myself (as I am sure Andy will draw a gun to my head on that one) but whether psychologically to get complete closure I should have another test to close off the 7 day gap between 7th March and Feb 14th. How reliable is the 28 days test at 21 days?
I am sorry to post - my life has been so much happier without the paranoia of previous years - but I needed to find an outlet to share,
thanks so much
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Anyone who continues to post excessively, questioning a conclusive negative result or no-risk situation, will be subject to a four week Time Out (a temporary ban from the Forums). If you continue to post excessively after one Time Out, you may be given a second Time Out which will last eight weeks. There is no third Time Out - it is a permanent ban. The purpose of a Time Out is to encourage you to seek the face-to-face help we cannot provide on this forum.
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Sorry, perhaps I wasn't being clear.
My question is quite specific - how reliable is the duo 28 day test AFTER 21 days.
In relation to the no risk scenario, I quite agree it is a waste of time and resource - hence, me not posting for some time and not doing so again after this evening.
thanks for your understanding,
G
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When you test is totally irrelevant since again you haven't had a risk.
If you had a real risk such as unprotected intercourse then it's necessary to test at 13 weeks.
It's very clear that you actually know you're just indulging in some compulsive behavior here about another non-risk. We're not going to indulge you in another back and for about this kind of thing.
If you come back again about this you are very quickly going to find yourself getting a Time Out. Consider yourself warned.
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chaps
i have not been on here for 3 years. It has been a long journey of great therapy and OCD treatment but for whatever reason i lapsed. And boy has it me hard. I have had the worst 3 weeks of my life.
I french kissed (yes there were tongues) a canadian asian woman. She had been tested for HIV1/2/p24 on april 10th (and was negative) but had one sexual encounter within the previous 28 days. In other words, the test didn't cover that single sexual event. Of course, she told me she used condoms and of course, she told me the guy she slept with was safe. But...of course, my OCD triggered and I went into a spiral.
So...here is my question - nothing more , nothing less.
is saliva from kissing more infectious if someone is recently infected and by recent, i mean within 7 days which is the time period between her having sex and me kissing her.
Or is saliva just saliva and not infectious at all? I only ask because i did see a study which claimed that it could be more infectious.
oh and by the way i did not have cuts...that oddly has not been the ocd reaction this time around.
My stomach on the other hand has been a mess...:)
if you can reassure me i will print up the reply, go back to my calming tunes on the ipod and hopefully give generously to aids charities which i did previously when you scolded me.
please reply gently.
thanks and i truly love this site.
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tw,
You've been coming here for four years - FOUR - and you still don't know the answer to your question? When are you going to learn to think for yourself and apply what you've learned here to your life?
Don't bother coming back for more - you're long overdue for a time out. In fact, you should be on a permanent ban by now.
Grow up and get yourself into some psychological therapy for your very obvious hiv phobia. We cannot help you any further here.
Ann
You have been thoroughly educated about how HIV is transmitted and given more warnings than any person I have seen in the history of the particular forum .
There is nothing left to tell you that has not been said already so please go see your therapist and discuss this with him ... we cant help you .
You have also been told repeatedly not to post outside of this thread . Only post in this one thread no matter how long between visits for the subject matter . You can visit your profile and select show own post and it will take you here .
There have been some changes since you were here last and you only get 3 questions and you are way past that already . I urge you to not take out a subscription because it will probably end up in a permanent ban if you do and continue to ask questions .
Please read the welcome thread and posting guidelines and then read this thread again if you are uneasy . I'm wishing you the best and hope you get the help you need we cant provide .
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Jeff - I thought the fact I had not messaged here for nearly 3 years was a sign of total intent at change and as I stated, I have not looked to post or sought reassurance for a very long time. In this instance I was actually asking a specific question about saliva which I really thought would elicit a yes or no answer about whether it is more infectious if the person was recently infected. I guess your answer speaks for itself and that the answer is no. But, truthfully that was all I was asking.
I will not subscribe because I don't need to as I am in long term counselling and have not been on here for some time.
Thank you for you sensitive tone and non-aggressive tone. I appreciate it. We all have issues in our lives and I am sorry mine is HIV OCD and I am sorry for wasting your time.
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You are not wasting my time and I am sorry you have to live with your mental health condition, wish we could help with that but we cant . You already know what is and is what is not a risk for HIV . To continue to answer your questions is to enable your irrational fears and OCD disorder ... we do not want to harm you in any way so we must be very clear what we can and cant do for you . All the best . Jeff .