Panic attacks and stress - time to talk honestly

[Bowie-esq]

Okay, here goes. I am a strong person, too strong. I fight with myself, with the world around me. I'm angry. I feel some days full of rage and anger and it never seems to stop. Until I have a panic attack - fight or flight.

After my diagnosis - which came around after leaving an abusive relationship, losing my house to my ex., being in a different country away from family and friends, losing my profession - I've spent five years (attempting) to rebuild myself. I've got work (regular but not under contract), I have a new boyfriend, and we have a lovely house that we rent.

I had therapy to help with panic attacks and PTSD which became apparent after my diagnosis. Most days are good - when I'm busy. Problem is when I stop, and this is one of those moments where I have stopped. Then your brain kicks in, then the anger, then the fight or flight. panic panic panic.... and it's exhausting.

I get that I will never be who I was prior to being positive - and I'm a stronger person now because of my diagnosis. But I find it hard to remember ME within all of this. The person I am, my kind loving heart, that would do anything for anyone; that looks out for others; that speaks softly and with kindness. Hobbies - I have a few which I'm always keeping myself occupied with, I'm creative, active, intellectual, I talk to my friends when I'm in panic or feeling low. I feel I do everything that the guide book tells you to do when you're in this situation... but it's still there..

After five years will it ever stop? will I ever go back to having a peaceful life that I feel I'm in control of? Is this my mental state or my HIV medication (Truvada/Viramune) talking?

Hit me with your words x

[PittGurl]

Bowie-esq - gonna follow your thread bc i experience the same anger and panic attack. I'm a strong single mom and I dont know what down time is  - i also run my own business which financially collapsed with my DX bc i couldn't handle it. I just started Zoloft about 10 days ago....not an easy decision bc i hate medication. I'm on Triumeq and taking it stresses me out to be honest bc im scared how it's affecting my insides long term   So i dont have much help to offer you except to say I know a little about how you feel    Just know i am there with ya.   

[Bowie-esq]

Thanks for the reply PittGurl. I have my 6 months check up with my internist in a couple of weeks so I will discuss it with him them. Today is easier. Just being very quiet and keeping myself to myself

I can remember when I first started on HAART it causes a lot of anxiety - ensuring that i was on time, that i didnt forget, side-effects etc. I can tell you that does get easier. I even forgot my pill recently for the first time ever, a good friend told me that that was a good sign that taking medication was now normalised. I tend to agree with him, and dont worry about my medication anymore - it is now a good part of my daily routine. You'll get there too I'm certain x

These forums do sure help, even if it's just a place where I can write down my thoughts and get them out.

[BT65]

Hi Bowie,
It does get better as long as you continue with the therapy and working on the anxiety.  And why wouldn't you have anxiety after what you've been through and not talking to anyone about this for five years? 

I've been dealing with HIV for 27 years and I can tell you I used to get horrible panic attacks. One time I even passed out in Kroger when I was checking out.  I started having the usual feelings of panic-sweating, labored breathing, everything started going black-and next thing I knew I was on the bench there and someone was giving me orange juice and peanut butter and crackers (they thought my blood sugar was low). 

I was in therapy and after getting through the really tough parts, things got better.  I still have anxiety once in a while, but nothing like it was.  It is possible to get your life back, the person you say you used to be, even better!  Just hang in there.  As someone who's been there and worked through a lot, I can assure you that as long as you continue with the things you are doing, and please be totally honest with your therapist, it will get better!

Betty

[Bowie-esq]

Thans for your wordt Betty :-) gives me hope and plenty to think about. I'm still growing !

[Bowie-esq]

Had my appointment yesterday with my nurse. I spoke with him about my concerns and he has referred me back to the psych department. I'm happy with this, love a good chat about me :-)) will be good to get some help to get things in order in my head and move on. My Dr. sees this as being the best option as my medication doesn't have mood swings/depression as side effects - though I wouldn't consider myself depressed.

Well, another part of this journey is beginning, and I'll be happy to close the door on this part. It can be exhausting