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Author Topic: Worried Dad possible exposure  (Read 2052 times)

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Offline Worrieddad0206

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Worried Dad possible exposure
« on: January 21, 2018, 01:26:47 pm »
Hello all, thank you in advance for reading this, especially the experts who offer their opinion. I am going to provide as much detail as possible. Here it goes:

I am a happily married man who made one grave mistake, as I'm sure has happened before. I'm heartbroken over it, but that's not really your problem. I have 2 adoptable baby girls and a loving wife.

November 16th 2017 I was at a work happy hour and gave into a woman's advances. I don't know her status, she is married as well, but I do know this is far from her first time outside of her marriage and she gave me the impression her husband is the same. No judgement, just stating what I know.

For brevity purposes I'm going to lay out everyone done: we made out, I figured her, after I fingered her I immediately started to masturbate (her fluids on same hand). At some point, she put fingers in my butt, which I didn't particularly care for but let her go on for about a minute. She may have fingered herself briefly before doing this. This is my biggest concern. I also sucked her breasts for a moment and she licked my penis and sucked my testicles. She asked me if I had a condom, which I didn't, she then asked me if I was 'clean' and told me to 'just do it' as she bent down. I started too, and my penis may have made contact with the outside of her ass, but we were nowhere close to penetration (she confirmed this later) and I FINALLY got a grip and got out of the situation. Biggest concerns were masturbating myeelf with her fluid on my hand and her fingering my but potentially with her fluid on her hand.

So, I was stricken with guilt over this but not immediately freaked out about std'S. I married my wife young and wasn't in this situation before. A few weeks later it hit me that I could have been infected and put my family at risk so I took a standard antibody test at 18 days. Negative but doesn't mean much. I then went to a dr who told me I had no HIV risk but would test me for other stds. I insisted HIV testing. So, at 26 days I had some STD testing and RNA/PCR test. That came back undetectable.

Then next day after having sex with my wife and finally feeing good, I felt a lymph node in my posterior cervical chain on the right side, which when googling is pretty harrowing in terms of HIV. I went to a dr and he found it and another one in the same chain on the right side and a small one on the left. All under 1cm. I haven't been sick so what else could cause that??? With that in mind even though the dr wasn't concerned at all about HIV or the lymph nodes in general, I asked to be tested again. So at 36 days I got a AB/AG test which came back non reactive.

Since then one of my daughters got a bad fever and terrible rash for a few days, so you can imagine what I'm afraid of. And my wife had a bad pain in her lower abdomen about a week or so ago and I immediately felt I infected her. I know how bad of a guy I am and how stupid t was to have sex with her unprotected but I thoigu I was in the clear.

Really I'd feel ok if not for these lymph nodes. Please advise, thank you.

Offline Worrieddad0206

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Re: Worried Dad possible exposure
« Reply #1 on: January 21, 2018, 01:27:35 pm »
2 adorable**** little girls not adoptable!

Offline Jim Allen

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Re: Worried Dad possible exposure
« Reply #2 on: January 21, 2018, 01:48:00 pm »
Firstly nothing you mentioned regarding the affair with the woman was a HIV transmitting risk, nothing.

Quote
Since then one of my daughters got a bad fever and terrible rash for a few days, so you can imagine what I'm afraid of. And my wife had a bad pain in her lower abdomen about a week or so ago and I immediately felt I infected her.

Many parents here are living with HIV, we are not a danger to people around us including our children. Your fears are so irrational and suggest otherwise to be honest i am somewhat disgusted and shocked that you are even thinking like this when it comes to HIV in 2018.

HIV is simply not transmitted through day to day social contact or contact with objects or once it has been exposed outside the human body - End of story. Your children are not at risk regardless of your HIV status.

Read this to catch up and understand more about what is not a concern: https://forums.poz.com/index.php?topic=68441.0

Quote
Biggest concerns were masturbating myeelf with her fluid on my hand and her fingering my but potentially with her fluid on her hand.

HIV is transmitted inside the human body as in never leaving the confides of the body once exposed to the environment outside the body the receptors HIV needs to infect human cells with corrode leaving it unable to infect you.

As for fingering , there has simply never been a documented case of HIV transmission via fingering, you will not be the first. It does not meet the conditions needed for transmission of HIV

Move on with your life, the only thing that could transmit HIV to you was the sex with your wife if it was unprotected. If so than it is a risk you seem to accept.

Here's what you need to know in order to avoid hiv infection:
Use condoms for anal or vaginal intercourse, correctly and consistently, every time, no exceptions.

Keep in mind that some sexual practices which may be described as ‘safe’ in terms of HIV transmission might still pose a risk for transmission of other STI's, so please do get fully tested regularly and at least yearly for all STI's including but not limited to HIV and test more frequently if unprotected intercourse occurs

Also note that it is possible to have an STI and show no signs or symptoms and the only way of knowing is by testing.

More information on HIV Basics, PEP, TaSP and Transmission can be found through the links in my signature to our POZ pages, this includes information on HIV Testing

Kind regards

Jim

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« Last Edit: January 21, 2018, 02:27:09 pm by JimDublin »
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Offline Worrieddad0206

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Re: Worried Dad possible exposure
« Reply #3 on: January 21, 2018, 01:56:05 pm »
Jim - I apologize for offending you and anyone else. Far from my intention but I understand how I did it. I understand that my fears are irrational (as tends to happen with severe anxiety) but I guess I thought if I infected my wife and then she somehow did something involving cuts or anything with my daughters (and I also thought maybe with a 2 year olds immune system it was a different story.

Furthermore, as I said I went through a 2 week period where I didn't worry about this at all besides the emotional toll from cheating. In that time I had cut myself shaving and before I realized it my daughter hugged me on the neck and she ended up sucking her thumb. She probably didn't but may have had some of that blood on her thumb. That is what got me so afraid of HIV in the first place.

Other than that if it wasn't for these posterior cervical nodes I think I'd be over it.  I just can't understand how or why they'd be swollen when I haven't been sick in 2 years.

Lastly, her fingering my butt with her vaginal fluid on her fingers still isn't a risk? I know the virus dies quickly but that was a matter of seconds. Thank you and apologies for offending people, I have nothing but respect for all of you.

Offline Jim Allen

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Re: Worried Dad possible exposure
« Reply #4 on: January 21, 2018, 02:01:52 pm »
Hi

Common stop now, please.

Even if your wife or you had HIV and had cuts you can't infect anyone this way! End of story, no matter what you did with your thumb or who sucked it.

Quote
fingering my butt with her vaginal fluid on her fingers still isn't a risk?

No of course not. No risk whatsoever

Quote
once exposed to the environment outside the body the receptors HIV needs to infect human cells with corrode leaving it unable to infect you.

As for fingering , there has simply never been a documented case of HIV transmission via fingering, you will not be the first. It does not meet the conditions needed for transmission of HIV

Look whatever is making you or the family sick is not HIV from this incidents as HIV is simply not transmitted in the way you fear ever!

Jim
« Last Edit: January 21, 2018, 02:27:55 pm by JimDublin »
HIV 101 - Everything you need to know
HIV 101
Read more about Testing here:
HIV Testing
Read about Treatment-as-Prevention (TasP) here:
HIV TasP
You can read about HIV prevention here:
HIV prevention
Read about PEP and PrEP here
PEP and PrEP

My Instagram
Threads

 


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