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Author Topic: Partner HIV pos  (Read 1445 times)

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Offline Autre

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Partner HIV pos
« on: July 29, 2017, 09:18:45 AM »
Partner was diagnosed 2 months ago, so far ive only tested negative. He hasnt started any treatment yet and i havent gotten on prep or anything. We've refrained from sex and even safer intimate things like kissing since. Im just curious what are worry free things we can do? Can we deep kiss? Do oral? What can we do during this transitional period that has zero risk of transmitting? I miss doing that stuff with him, but were both worried.

Offline JimDublin

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Re: Partner HIV pos
« Reply #1 on: July 29, 2017, 10:27:03 AM »
How is your partner doing?

Quote
He hasnt started any treatment yet and i havent gotten on prep or anything.
Is it the plan to start treatment soon? and why no PrEP?

The dry answer is HIV isn’t transmitted by hugging, shaking hands, sharing toilets, sharing dishes, kissing, through saliva, tears, or sweat. Fingering, receiving oral, rubbing, masturbation  etc etc no risk. Giving a BJ, well long story short the mouth lacks the cells and route to infect however if damaged such as wounds in the mouth it could give a possible route but even than no reason to panic.

https://www.poz.com/basics/hiv-basics/hiv-transmission-risks

End of the day the only risk free free thing in life is to lock yourself away and only have sex with yourself. You can't live like that and definitely not have a relationship around it.  ;)

What I think, well personally I would say use condoms & condom safe lube and if the condom breaks get PEP, check with your local doctor what the situation is near you on PEP availability should you ever have a condom break before he has reached 6 months+ UD.

Its sounds a bit like the emotional / fear issue is holding you both back from being together, the HIV is not really a barrier. 

Anyhow that's my two cents.

Jim
HIV 101 - Index & everything you need to know
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Offline Autre

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Re: Partner HIV pos
« Reply #2 on: July 29, 2017, 11:44:41 AM »
How is your partner doing?
 Is it the plan to start treatment soon? and why no PrEP?

The dry answer is HIV isn’t transmitted by hugging, shaking hands, sharing toilets, sharing dishes, kissing, through saliva, tears, or sweat. Fingering, receiving oral, rubbing, masturbation  etc etc no risk. Giving a BJ, well long story short the mouth lacks the cells and route to infect however if damaged such as wounds in the mouth it could give a possible route but even than no reason to panic.

https://www.poz.com/basics/hiv-basics/hiv-transmission-risks

End of the day the only risk free free thing in life is to lock yourself away and only have sex with yourself. You can't live like that and definitely not have a relationship around it.  ;)

What I think, well personally I would say use condoms & condom safe lube and if the condom breaks get PEP, check with your local doctor what the situation is near you on PEP availability should you ever have a condom break before he has reached 6 months+ UD.

Its sounds a bit like the emotional / fear issue is holding you both back from being together, the HIV is not really a barrier. 

Anyhow that's my two cents.

Jim

He is doing okay so far, hes a stronger person than I thought. Hes scheduled to see specialist again in a week. Hopefully treatment can start soon. I havent looked into prep yet because weve been a little scared of intimacy, and were also under the assumption that i might already have it. Idk. Is it something I should be getting on right away?

We've been talking about getting getting intimate but im still a little fearful. I want to make out with him withouth feeling worried. Its so hard to not be irrational in this situation. Thanks for the information and reassurance.

Offline JimDublin

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Re: Partner HIV pos
« Reply #3 on: July 29, 2017, 12:51:31 PM »
Glad to hear he is doing okay and seeing the specialist next week.
I hope you are doing okay as well and looking after yourself.

I havent looked into prep yet because weve been a little scared of intimacy, and were also under the assumption that i might already have it. Idk. Is it something I should be getting on right away?

No, however if you are that concerned it could give that extra peace of mind and there is also no harm in at least checking your options, being informed and talking about it with your partner but also your doctor.

Jim
HIV 101 - Index & everything you need to know
HIV 101
You can read more about Transmission and Risks here:
HIV Transmission and Risks
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HIV TasP
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PEP and PrEP

Offline Autre

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Re: Partner HIV pos
« Reply #4 on: July 29, 2017, 01:04:31 PM »
Thanks, and I am trying my best to care of my self. We both started therapy recently. And we try to communicate honestly about everything.
Do you think its normal for docs to wait this long to start treatment?

Offline JimDublin

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Re: Partner HIV pos
« Reply #5 on: July 29, 2017, 02:29:54 PM »
I've seen people start treatment sooner, but saying that 8 weeks is not an unheard of delay. So try not to worry too much.

He will see the doctor next week and just take things one step at a time. I am sure he will be fine.

Jim
 
HIV 101 - Index & everything you need to know
HIV 101
You can read more about Transmission and Risks here:
HIV Transmission and Risks
You can read more about Testing here:
HIV Testing
You can read more about Treatment-as-Prevention (TasP) here:
HIV TasP
You can read more about HIV prevention here:
HIV prevention
You can read more about PEP and PrEP here
PEP and PrEP

Offline Autre

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Re: Partner HIV pos
« Reply #6 on: August 01, 2017, 06:46:27 PM »
So he went doc. VL below 10,000 and doc said immune systemis doing good. He is starting meds as soon as insurance clears everything. Doc said after even just 2 months he could b undetectable.  It all just feels like good news so i thought i would share. We're both feeling optimistic!

Offline CaveyUK

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Re: Partner HIV pos
« Reply #7 on: August 03, 2017, 02:39:43 PM »
Hi. My only advice is not to over-analyse it too much. Until he has been safely UD for a while, just use condoms. Stuff like kissing and oral will be fine.

If the condom breaks, get PEP. Or get on PrEP now.

He may not feel like it at the moment, but one big advantage of getting intimate at the moment will be the message it gives him that everything is ok and the diagnosis won't change things. That can be quite a powerful tool in his psychological well being at a difficult time.

Once he has been UD for a number of months your options open up a bit, and the condom question can be discussed.

With our knowledge of the condition and the amazing meds that are available, an HIV diagnosis should be no barrier whatsoever to intimacy. I appreciate there is a bit of a psychological hurdle, but in my view it's better to vault that hurdle sooner rather than later.

Best wishes whatever you decide
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HIV TasP
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HIV prevention
You can read more about PEP and PrEP here:
PEP and PrEP

Offline Autre

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Re: Partner HIV pos
« Reply #8 on: September 04, 2017, 04:23:02 PM »
Hello,

So I did Oraquick at home test and the result came back negative. This is 3 months since we last had unprotected sex. I am planning on doing blood test wih doc soon, but i just wanted to ask how conclusive are these results. I feel like they are conclusive. Only thing that worries me is that I did the test 40 minutes after i brushed my teeth this morning, idk if that could mess up the test...mayb im over thinking.
Well now im thinking about getting on prep for peace of mind. I just wanted to know do I ask my primary care physian for prescription...or do see another doc for that?
Any of you have experience with prep? What are the side effects?

My hiv+ partner has been on medication for about a month now and he will soon test to see how things are going. I feel so much more optimistic and I feel like he does too. I havent told my partner about my neg result yet. I wanted some advice about how to tell him without him feeling like he is alone in this. The first time i tested negative about 3 months ago he expressed that he was happy but also sad that he is going to go thru it alone. What can i say to make it that he doesnt feel that way, it makes me sad to think about too. Any tips on how to reassure that hes not alone would be great.

Offline JimDublin

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Re: Partner HIV pos
« Reply #9 on: September 05, 2017, 02:36:14 AM »
Short and simple, Just tell him.

Quote
Well now im thinking about getting on prep for peace of mind. I just wanted to know do I ask my primary care physian for prescription...or do see another doc for that?

Depends were you are based, but it does not hurt to start a conversation with your doctor and they can point you in the right direction


https://www.poz.com/basics/hiv-basics/pep-prep

Jim
HIV 101 - Index & everything you need to know
HIV 101
You can read more about Transmission and Risks here:
HIV Transmission and Risks
You can read more about Testing here:
HIV Testing
You can read more about Treatment-as-Prevention (TasP) here:
HIV TasP
You can read more about HIV prevention here:
HIV prevention
You can read more about PEP and PrEP here
PEP and PrEP

Offline Autre

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Re: Partner HIV pos
« Reply #10 on: September 23, 2017, 02:19:57 AM »
Its been a little over a month that hes been on meds, he is now undetectable! We are both really happy about that. What does it mean to b undetectable in such a short period of time?

Spoke to him about my status, and we were both happy.

Offline JimDublin

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Re: Partner HIV pos
« Reply #11 on: September 23, 2017, 03:36:45 AM »
Congratulations.

Not sure what you mean about what does it mean. Nothing bad if that is what you mean, some people reach UD within weeks others take a few months.

Jim
HIV 101 - Index & everything you need to know
HIV 101
You can read more about Transmission and Risks here:
HIV Transmission and Risks
You can read more about Testing here:
HIV Testing
You can read more about Treatment-as-Prevention (TasP) here:
HIV TasP
You can read more about HIV prevention here:
HIV prevention
You can read more about PEP and PrEP here
PEP and PrEP

Offline Autre

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Re: Partner HIV pos
« Reply #12 on: September 23, 2017, 01:22:42 PM »
Oh ok thanks. So now im wondering if we were to get back to having sex. He is undetectable and we will use condoms. Is prep necessary?

Offline JimDublin

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Re: Partner HIV pos
« Reply #13 on: September 23, 2017, 01:59:27 PM »
Not sure why you stopped having sex?

Anyhow, look how you protect yourself is up-to you ultimately and its all about risk avoidance/reducing risk. Safer sex and I say "safer" as there is no such thing as "safe sex" is often a combination of things.

TaSP, treatment as prevention, well if your partner is UD for more than 6 months and than remains adherent to his treatment and remains UD the risk is negligible to start with. See here for more info: https://www.preventionaccess.org/consensus

Depending on your comfort level, trust level and the situation of the relationship you can combine this with things like condoms and/or PrEP as an additional peace of mind. Keep in mind that neither TaSP, or PrEP offer any protection against other far easier to transmit STI's.   

Talk to your doctor as well, it can never hurt to have a conversation with them about safer sex.

Jim

https://www.poz.com/basics/hiv-basics/safer-sex
https://www.poz.com/basics/hiv-basics/pep-prep
https://www.preventionaccess.org/consensus
« Last Edit: September 23, 2017, 02:04:00 PM by JimDublin »
HIV 101 - Index & everything you need to know
HIV 101
You can read more about Transmission and Risks here:
HIV Transmission and Risks
You can read more about Testing here:
HIV Testing
You can read more about Treatment-as-Prevention (TasP) here:
HIV TasP
You can read more about HIV prevention here:
HIV prevention
You can read more about PEP and PrEP here
PEP and PrEP

Offline mecch

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Re: Partner HIV pos
« Reply #14 on: September 23, 2017, 03:59:02 PM »
Oh ok thanks. So now im wondering if we were to get back to having sex. He is undetectable and we will use condoms. Is prep necessary?

Prep was never necessary.  Stopping sex was not necessary.  Maybe you did that for emotional and psychological reasons. 

i had sex for years through the AIDS years and some of my bfs had AIDS and died of it.  We used condoms, I didnt get HIV. 

Use a condom.  The end.
“From each, according to his ability; to each, according to his need” 1875 K Marx

Offline mecch

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Re: Partner HIV pos
« Reply #15 on: September 23, 2017, 04:04:59 PM »
I havent told my partner about my neg result yet. I wanted some advice about how to tell him without him feeling like he is alone in this. The first time i tested negative about 3 months ago he expressed that he was happy but also sad that he is going to go thru it alone. What can i say to make it that he doesnt feel that way, it makes me sad to think about too. Any tips on how to reassure that hes not alone would be great.

I'm 55 and heard a lot of experiences and this is a new one to me.  Maybe you have misunderstood something?  I have never heard anyone HIV+ be sad that a friend or family member or loved one is HIV- after a risk. 

Listen, its 2017.  Where do you live?  "going through HIV alone" - what do you mean, "going through it".  Most of the challenges these days, when they present at all, are legal, emotional, or psychological.  The drugs that treat HIV are extremely effective and your bf hasn't been pos for very long at all. Physically, this will be a big of a cake walk. That is my feedback to you. You're welcome too see it otherwise.  There could be more social and psychological challenges depending on the context.

And whatever shit he might have to deal with as a result of being HIV+, he is not alone, he has you, for one.

With all due respect, I feel you are over-dramatising this situation with the stopping of sex and seeking 3 layers of protection.  IF your Bf is undetectable, that is already 1.  Condom is 1.  PREP is 1. There is NO WAY anyone needs 3 layers of protection in this relationship, from a medical perspective.  My feedback to you is to eliminate one of those layers.  Why not just go with undetectable and a condom and resume your sex life.  sex is an important part of healing and an important part of a relationship, in my opinion. 

I hope you find a way to get back to business as usual, soon. That will make all the difference in the world for the both of you.
« Last Edit: September 23, 2017, 04:07:25 PM by mecch »
“From each, according to his ability; to each, according to his need” 1875 K Marx

 


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