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Author Topic: Partner HIV pos  (Read 419 times)

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Offline Autre

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Partner HIV pos
« on: July 29, 2017, 09:18:45 AM »
Partner was diagnosed 2 months ago, so far ive only tested negative. He hasnt started any treatment yet and i havent gotten on prep or anything. We've refrained from sex and even safer intimate things like kissing since. Im just curious what are worry free things we can do? Can we deep kiss? Do oral? What can we do during this transitional period that has zero risk of transmitting? I miss doing that stuff with him, but were both worried.

Offline JimDublin

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Re: Partner HIV pos
« Reply #1 on: July 29, 2017, 10:27:03 AM »
How is your partner doing?

Quote
He hasnt started any treatment yet and i havent gotten on prep or anything.
Is it the plan to start treatment soon? and why no PrEP?

The dry answer is HIV isnít transmitted by hugging, shaking hands, sharing toilets, sharing dishes, kissing, through saliva, tears, or sweat. Fingering, receiving oral, rubbing, masturbation  etc etc no risk. Giving a BJ, well long story short the mouth lacks the cells and route to infect however if damaged such as wounds in the mouth it could give a possible route but even than no reason to panic.

https://www.poz.com/basics/hiv-basics/hiv-transmission-risks

End of the day the only risk free free thing in life is to lock yourself away and only have sex with yourself. You can't live like that and definitely not have a relationship around it.  ;)

What I think, well personally I would say use condoms & condom safe lube and if the condom breaks get PEP, check with your local doctor what the situation is near you on PEP availability should you ever have a condom break before he has reached 6 months+ UD.

Its sounds a bit like the emotional / fear issue is holding you both back from being together, the HIV is not really a barrier. 

Anyhow that's my two cents.

Jim
HIV 101 - Index & everything you need to know
HIV 101
You can read more about Transmission and Risks here:
HIV Transmission and Risks
You can read more about Testing here:
HIV Testing
You can read more about Treatment-as-Prevention (TasP) here:
HIV TasP
You can read more about HIV prevention here:
HIV prevention
You can read more about PEP and PrEP here
PEP and PrEP

Offline Autre

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  • Posts: 7
Re: Partner HIV pos
« Reply #2 on: July 29, 2017, 11:44:41 AM »
How is your partner doing?
 Is it the plan to start treatment soon? and why no PrEP?

The dry answer is HIV isnít transmitted by hugging, shaking hands, sharing toilets, sharing dishes, kissing, through saliva, tears, or sweat. Fingering, receiving oral, rubbing, masturbation  etc etc no risk. Giving a BJ, well long story short the mouth lacks the cells and route to infect however if damaged such as wounds in the mouth it could give a possible route but even than no reason to panic.

https://www.poz.com/basics/hiv-basics/hiv-transmission-risks

End of the day the only risk free free thing in life is to lock yourself away and only have sex with yourself. You can't live like that and definitely not have a relationship around it.  ;)

What I think, well personally I would say use condoms & condom safe lube and if the condom breaks get PEP, check with your local doctor what the situation is near you on PEP availability should you ever have a condom break before he has reached 6 months+ UD.

Its sounds a bit like the emotional / fear issue is holding you both back from being together, the HIV is not really a barrier. 

Anyhow that's my two cents.

Jim

He is doing okay so far, hes a stronger person than I thought. Hes scheduled to see specialist again in a week. Hopefully treatment can start soon. I havent looked into prep yet because weve been a little scared of intimacy, and were also under the assumption that i might already have it. Idk. Is it something I should be getting on right away?

We've been talking about getting getting intimate but im still a little fearful. I want to make out with him withouth feeling worried. Its so hard to not be irrational in this situation. Thanks for the information and reassurance.

Offline JimDublin

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Re: Partner HIV pos
« Reply #3 on: July 29, 2017, 12:51:31 PM »
Glad to hear he is doing okay and seeing the specialist next week.
I hope you are doing okay as well and looking after yourself.

I havent looked into prep yet because weve been a little scared of intimacy, and were also under the assumption that i might already have it. Idk. Is it something I should be getting on right away?

No, however if you are that concerned it could give that extra peace of mind and there is also no harm in at least checking your options, being informed and talking about it with your partner but also your doctor.

Jim
HIV 101 - Index & everything you need to know
HIV 101
You can read more about Transmission and Risks here:
HIV Transmission and Risks
You can read more about Testing here:
HIV Testing
You can read more about Treatment-as-Prevention (TasP) here:
HIV TasP
You can read more about HIV prevention here:
HIV prevention
You can read more about PEP and PrEP here
PEP and PrEP

Offline Autre

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  • Posts: 7
Re: Partner HIV pos
« Reply #4 on: July 29, 2017, 01:04:31 PM »
Thanks, and I am trying my best to care of my self. We both started therapy recently. And we try to communicate honestly about everything.
Do you think its normal for docs to wait this long to start treatment?

Offline JimDublin

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Re: Partner HIV pos
« Reply #5 on: July 29, 2017, 02:29:54 PM »
I've seen people start treatment sooner, but saying that 8 weeks is not an unheard of delay. So try not to worry too much.

He will see the doctor next week and just take things one step at a time. I am sure he will be fine.

Jim
 
HIV 101 - Index & everything you need to know
HIV 101
You can read more about Transmission and Risks here:
HIV Transmission and Risks
You can read more about Testing here:
HIV Testing
You can read more about Treatment-as-Prevention (TasP) here:
HIV TasP
You can read more about HIV prevention here:
HIV prevention
You can read more about PEP and PrEP here
PEP and PrEP

Offline Autre

  • Member
  • Posts: 7
Re: Partner HIV pos
« Reply #6 on: August 01, 2017, 06:46:27 PM »
So he went doc. VL below 10,000 and doc said immune systemis doing good. He is starting meds as soon as insurance clears everything. Doc said after even just 2 months he could b undetectable.  It all just feels like good news so i thought i would share. We're both feeling optimistic!

Offline CaveyUK

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  • Posts: 1,070
Re: Partner HIV pos
« Reply #7 on: August 03, 2017, 02:39:43 PM »
Hi. My only advice is not to over-analyse it too much. Until he has been safely UD for a while, just use condoms. Stuff like kissing and oral will be fine.

If the condom breaks, get PEP. Or get on PrEP now.

He may not feel like it at the moment, but one big advantage of getting intimate at the moment will be the message it gives him that everything is ok and the diagnosis won't change things. That can be quite a powerful tool in his psychological well being at a difficult time.

Once he has been UD for a number of months your options open up a bit, and the condom question can be discussed.

With our knowledge of the condition and the amazing meds that are available, an HIV diagnosis should be no barrier whatsoever to intimacy. I appreciate there is a bit of a psychological hurdle, but in my view it's better to vault that hurdle sooner rather than later.

Best wishes whatever you decide
Diagnosed 29th Dec, after Home test 27th Dec 2015
29th Dec 2015 - CD4 160, VL 70,363, CD4% 16
Started Septrin 31st Dec & Tivicay/Truvada 12th Jan 2016
9th February 2016 - CD4 245, VL 96, CD4% 19
8th March 2016 - VL 61 (no CD4 taken)
5th April 2016 - CD4 354, VL  - UD (<40), CD4% 22
5th July 2016 - VL - UD (<40) (no CD4 taken)
13th September 2016 - CD4 432, VL - UD (<40), CD4% 28
13th December 2016 - VL - UD (<40) (no CD4 taken)
18th April 2017 - VL - UD (<40) (no CD4 taken)
18th July 2017 - CD4 552, VL - UD (<40)

 


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