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Welcome to the POZ Community Forums, a round-the-clock discussion area for people with HIV/AIDS, their friends/family/caregivers, and others concerned about HIV/AIDS.  Click on the links below to browse our various forums; scroll down for a glance at the most recent posts; or join in the conversation yourself by registering on the left side of this page.

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Recent Posts

Pages: [1] 2 3 ... 10
1
Living With HIV / Re: Introduction
« Last post by Jim Allen on Yesterday at 04:20:10 pm »
Quote
I feel confortable in not disclosing my status to just about any guy I have sex with. I use protection most of the times, so only if I start having a monogamous relationship and only a couple of months down the line do I disclose my status.

I'd like to know your opinion on this matter. For instance, I'm now dating a guy, we've been having unprotected sex for a while. I also take some comfort knowing that, in addition to being undetectible, I only bottom, so the chances of me infecting him are really low.

The odds are not low, if you're VL is fully suppressed for 6 months+ and you keep taking your meds then you can't pass HIV on.

Anyhow, look if not sharing your HIV status upfront works for you that's fine. We all do things in ways that work for us, there is no right or wrong answer if you ask me.

Personally, I do things differently, so I always tell upfront and it's mainly to weed out the people who can't handle a partner with a manageable condition so I don't waste my time on them and also to avoid issues that may arise from sharing after the fact, but that's just me.
2
Living With HIV / Re: Introduction
« Last post by Jim Allen on Yesterday at 02:41:18 pm »
Quote
I have been checking this forum every once in a while and I have to say it has helped me through a lot of panic attacks.

Sorry to hear about the panic attacks, glad the forum helped you though.
3
I Just Tested Poz / Re: Introduction Brazilian Friend
« Last post by Jim Allen on Yesterday at 02:39:34 pm »
Quote
Thanks, Jim! I feel like I know you for almost a year because I probably read a hundred of your answers on the forum and learned a lot from you!

 :)

Glad to hear the forum helped.
4
Living With HIV / Re: U=U campaign - does it change anything?
« Last post by Jim Allen on Yesterday at 02:37:29 pm »
Hi Jim,

You're based in Ireland right? I'm sure you've been exposed to (excuse the pun) the big U=U campaign that's been running over the past while by certain public figure types (I don't know how else to describe them lol) within the gay community. My experience that if you follow that cohort on social media the U=U message and promotion is continuous which I think is amazing but I feel it probably only reaches the urban gay community in places like Dublin. I could be wrong though, especially with the younger gay community. They seem so informed these days. More than I was anyway (I'm 38).

I had a good experience at the weekend chatting to a guy on Grindr. He used the word clean in his message to me and I explained the problems with that word especially with people living with HIV and then he asked did I know my status. I said I did (it was the first time I declared it on an app since my diagnosis over a year ago). I said I was undetectable etc. He said that was cool and he knew about that because of the U=U message that he was seeing everywhere and because of a certain podcast. My sense is that the word might reach smaller communities quicker than larger communities. I was actually shaking telling him but felt great after. I can obviously only speak from a local experience (Ireland) and it might be different in other countries.

Hiya,

Yeah, I am in Ireland, and I've also seen the social media push and I'm glad to hear you had a good experience sharing your HIV status  :)

Fair comment and I suppose it's a matter of perspective, n the past, I could just explain TaSP & Swiss statements and it was fine.  Although I admit, I'm not dating or meeting people sexually and it could be that it's made some difference in that setting, maybe more awareness there?

U=U however, for me in Ireland has just led to people asking about my viral load when sharing teacups or other no HIV risk situations regardless of my viral load including a few medical professionals, so seems they are hearing the message but the ignorant will remain ignorant.
5
Do I Have HIV? / Re: Worried and anxiety plus testing advice.
« Last post by Jim Allen on Yesterday at 02:27:27 pm »
Firstly hi, long time reader first time poster. What a fantastic none judgmental community you have.

Wondered if someone in the know can help, I would appreciate it.

I made a silly decision after a few drinks little over a week ago. The exposure was male to male and I sucked his dick (sorry for the crudeness but figured been straight to point was better than using medical words and is all getting mixed up) that was all, no other sexual activity.

I know that from reading on this that this is a near no risk event but not entirely no risk at all.

I think the fact he didnít cum in my mouth and as far as Iím aware I had no cuts or ulsers in my mouth (and at the very least nothing open and bleeding at the time) stands in my favour even more.

I still donít think that anyone medically or otherwise can hand on heart say no risk whatsoever so even low low risk to me Ö with my anxietyís is a risk none the less.

I am married so Iím finding this all a bit hard to come to terms with.

I have been googling a lot recently, due to spots and swelling in my arm pits. They flared up 4-5 days after the encounter and google seems to suggest that while this is none specific it can be a sign of very recently attained HIV so of course my mind then focused on the 0.01% chance (or whatever the chance is) rather than the advice of this forum.

Testing is difficult for me both in distance to nearest clinic and a hiv test turning up at home raising alarm bells.

I have however been able to order an at home INSTI HIV kit. Says in the package itís the quickest at home kit to detect recent acquired hiv and can work from 4 week (conclusive results at 12). Whatís the real world view on this if I test at 4 week and Iím negative (as I assume you expect it to be) is that a very good sign or no real help at all. Am I better holding off for 12 weeks?

I have been able to go for testing for Clym and Gon as I was in a different city I was hoping to rule out Syph and HIV but they did tell me that they couldnít on this visit as too early.  They kindly gave me a jab for Syph that would about it even if I had it.

So leaves me on tender hooks in regards to HIV so the sooner I can rule it out the better.

I think worryingly the nurse did not offer any reassurances to me about oral and HIV saying any contact with a male is a risk that needs checking. She also stated that it would be a good idea to get him to test now as that would give you reassurance so I tried to make contact with the male and heís ghosted me (as you can imagine this fueling  my anxiety even more)
Thanks in advance.
Hiya,

So the nurse sounds like a bigot to me and there is no way scientifically to justify the comment she made that any contact with a male would warrant HIV testing. I would have a hard time believing this was said but sadly I know doctors and nurses that still think just shaking hands or hugging could be an HIV risk and I have experienced problems getting healthcare myself because of this kind of nonsense.

Anyhow what the nurse said is simply incorrect as there is contact you can have with people including men that is no HIV risk whatsoever and there are also activities that may pose a risk. 

If the nurse was within my region I would be reporting her as bigots need to keep their personal world views to themselves and not let it cloud their medical judgment or treatment of patients.

Anyhow regarding the blowjob, it doesn't warrant HIV testing outside of standard yearly routine. Move on with your life.

As for the recent symptoms, seek medical advice to treat it, nothing to do with HIV from this encounter and I would recommend you consider seeing a different medical provider than the one you spoke to the first time.

Quote
I am married

I'll mention the same thing I do whenever anyone mentions being in a relationship. If you engage in condomless intercourse with your partner you are obviously at risk of acquiring HIV. Often within relationships, condomless sex is based on trust or past test results, however, this does not prevent HIV, and any condomless intercourse is accepting the greater risk of acquiring HIV.

Test more frequently for HIV & STI's if you do engage in any condomless intercourse.
6
Do I Have HIV? / Re: Worried and anxiety plus testing advice.
« Last post by Jim Allen on Yesterday at 02:15:30 pm »
Quote
Thanks for your help earlier, can I ask why your response has changed from a very detailed and helpful response to a ďXĒ and your generic response?

Yeah, I was doing some admin on the forum and deleted the original reply by mistake. I apologize.

Quote
I only ask because I emailing with the complaints team around the treatment I got and I was going to attach  a copy of your reply, but itís gone?

I take it itís just a mistake or it does this after a while.

I hope it dosnt mean that your opinion has changed ? You did help me with my anxiety and now itís gone Iím not so sure.

If it can be put up again maybe that will help others also?

Hey listen I realise this is pathetic anxiety driven obsessing but yeah help me again haha.

Sure Ill post a new reply to your original post later tonight when I am back at a laptop. Nothing changes though in terms of your assessment.
7
Living With HIV / Re: U=U campaign - does it change anything?
« Last post by Sťan_Dublin on Yesterday at 01:53:18 pm »
Hi Jim,

You're based in Ireland right? I'm sure you've been exposed to (excuse the pun) the big U=U campaign that's been running over the past while by certain public figure types (I don't know how else to describe them lol) within the gay community. My experience that if you follow that cohort on social media the U=U message and promotion is continuous which I think is amazing but I feel it probably only reaches the urban gay community in places like Dublin. I could be wrong though, especially with the younger gay community. They seem so informed these days. More than I was anyway (I'm 38).

I had a good experience at the weekend chatting to a guy on Grindr. He used the word clean in his message to me and I explained the problems with that word especially with people living with HIV and then he asked did I know my status. I said I did (it was the first time I declared it on an app since my diagnosis over a year ago). I said I was undetectable etc. He said that was cool and he knew about that because of the U=U message that he was seeing everywhere and because of a certain podcast. My sense is that the word might reach smaller communities quicker than larger communities. I was actually shaking telling him but felt great after. I can obviously only speak from a local experience (Ireland) and it might be different in other countries.
8
Do I Have HIV? / Re: Worried and anxiety plus testing advice.
« Last post by Dadz1990 on Yesterday at 01:14:09 pm »
Hey Jim,

Thanks for your help earlier, can I ask why your response has changed from a very detailed and helpful response to a ďXĒ and your generic response?

I only ask because I emailing with the complaints team around the treatment I got and I was going to attach  a copy of your reply, but itís gone?

I take it itís just a mistake or it does this after a while.

I hope it dosnt mean that your opinion has changed ? You did help me with my anxiety and now itís gone Iím not so sure.

If it can be put up again maybe that will help others also?

Hey listen I realise this is pathetic anxiety driven obsessing but yeah help me again haha.
9
I Just Tested Poz / Re: Introduction Brazilian Friend
« Last post by RMalongo on Yesterday at 12:24:18 pm »
Hey, I am happy that you overpassed the diagnosis and living with it in a healthier way.
Trust me, I feel the same now (doing more sports, started psychotherapy that helped me with issues I had form beforeÖ)

I think the key of acceptance is psychotherapy if anyone could afford itÖ

Keep the good vibe.

It is normal though to feel a bit down  sometimes but shouldnít take control over oneís life!
10
Living With HIV / Re: Introduction
« Last post by Tonny2 on Yesterday at 10:43:46 am »



          ojo.           Hi lumŪnica, welcome to the forumÖIíve been living with hiv/aids for 27 years and only my family knows about my statusÖhere in the USA, some states, you have to disclose your status to your sexual partner or you might get in serious legal problems, here in Ohio, the social worker told me that, even just by giving a kiss, you may get in trouble. She told me that two persons, a man and a woman, are in jail for not disclosing their status, they got eight years in prisionÖdonít forget that, having unprotected sex you are at risk for other STDs, and you need to think about your liver, it doesnít need more stress with more meds.

About you having a serious relationship, I think you started that relationship badly, I think that before you start a relationship you should be honest before you even kiss a guy, it doesnít mean that as soon as you met a person you like you will disclose, you have to get the know that person first then, if you think he is the right guy for you , then, maybe itís time to disclose, if he rejects you, so, he wasnít for you. Unfortunately, itís something, rejection, that we have to learn to live with, or, look for a guy with the same status si you donít have to live with the guilt you feel with this guy you are having sex with. By the way, Iím having a relationship with a hiv positive person.

Welcome again, keep taking your meds and good luck in finding the right one.       ojo
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