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Neely diagnosed 12/13

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12/13/22 is what seems to be one of the worst days of my life. I am in a committed relationship and strayed , twice. My long time partner and I have not been intimate in 2-3 years due to a medical condition of his, and I could not control myself. The worst mistake of my life I feel.
Thinking I asked all the right questions, and feeling a sense of trust from my encounter, I did not use protection. Big mistake.
Iím 55 and never thought I would find myself here. Iím scared, ashamed and feeling a slew of other emotions including self harm.
My partner was the first person I told, he has no worries about himself as we are no longer intimate. He is very hurt (understandable) and sad, and canít understand why I had to seek comfort with someone else.
To me this was not an emotional experience, only sex. Iím ashamed.
I donít understand what happens next. My next Doctors appointment will be 01/04/2023. I donít know what to expect other than being put on medicine of some sort. I just received my blood work results and I do not understand what everything means, thereís so much itís very overwhelming and Iím scared. From reading posts I gather cd4 counties important. Mine are 160, but Iím not sure how good or bad this is.
Questions going through my mind:
Will this be my last Christmas?
Side effects of medication?
What should I expect from my friends and family should I choose to share this news?
Any advice anyone? Iím devastated , sick to my stomach and feeling horrible.


                ojo.            Hi there!!!

Iím sorry to read about your dx. Hiv doesnít discriminate, he doesnít matter if you are young, or older, if you have unprotected sex, you run the risk to acquire HIV. what is your feeling right now, all in here, has gone through the same when we got the same diagnosis. So relax, try to forgive yourself and wait until you see your doctor.

You will spend lots of Christmas with your family and friends. Everybody is different about getting side effects from the meds, you will have to wait and see, you may feel side effects or nothing at all.

If there are good news after getting an HIV diagnosis, this is the time to get it, even though getting an HIV diagnosis is difficult to digest, right now there are threatments easy to take, one pill a day, effectives, not too ricics but, more importantly, live savers, as long you take your med as prescribed, you will be fine.

Your cd4 de ndicates you have AIDS, which means you will get additional meds, antibiotics, to prevent opponent rtunistic to nfections like pneumatic is nfections like pneumonia (pcp). Donít be scared to read aids, now a days itís called acute hiv infection because as soon you start treatment, your viral load will be suppressed and your cd4 will increase with time.

Iknow itís difficult that deal with the dx, we akways think, why me, you should ask yourself, why not me, eventhough you know why you acquired the virus, having unprotected sex, but, I think, you have to accept that you made a mistake and forgive yourself if f you want to keep looking forward and learn how ti live with the virus, the sooner you do this, the faster you will gi back to take control of your live because your neds will take care of the virus, as i said before, as long you take your meds as order by your doctor, also, having a good attitude helps. You want to be a victor not a victim, comprende?.

Good luck, but the way, i hope yoyr partner forgives and suppirts you and, you donít have to tell anyone about your ďhemorrhoidsĒ at least you have digested completly your dx, as soon as you see your ID doctor and get some blood work results from ďDraculaĒ, after being on treatment for a while, i bet you, you will feel betterÖ.please keeps us posted and donít try to harm yourself be cause you already did it, but you will come back from this  alive and living a normal life as Iíve been doing myself for the last 28 year living with this partner whose has only be the only one who has put up with me, that has to be love. Hehe
Hi n

Hello Aaron,

It is defiantly not the Dx any of us want to get but the sooner you get a Dx and start treatment the better.   

First off, I am sure that you will have many more Christmas's and other holidays with your friends and family.  This is not the death sentence that it once was. 

I wasn't getting checked regularly and only found out after getting PCP pneumonia that caused other complications.  I wish my doctor would have done a yearly test on me but she didn't'. 

The fact that you are having your follow-up appointment so quickly is great so you can find out what is best for you.  Don't be surprised if additional bloodwork is done but please write down a list of questions you have to be answered.  Don't think any question is silly or shouldn't be asked. Yes, the specialist has heard them over and over but this is your first time.  Don't feel silly for asking your questions.

And not to freak you out the Rx's are expensive but many times you can work with the manufacturer to get assistance with the Rx's cost so work with your pharmacist on this.  Also depending on your insurance they may encourage you to do it through their mail order pharmacy but I do mine through my local pharmacy.  I just don't want it to get lost in the mail. 

Lastly, if you don't feel comfortable with your specialist it never hurts to seek out another opinion as I did.  I feel so much better with my new specialist even with the drive.  My CD4 count started very low and needed extra care and the ability to answer my question.

I do wish you the best in the new endeavor and i hope you and your partner will be able to grow together. 


Thank you both for sharing your knowledge and personal information. I am lucky to have a forgiving partner who has agreed to stand by me. After reading your responses, and other posts, I am feeling a tad bit better mentally, but itís not going to be easy.

Hi Aaron,

Hearing for the first time you're hiv positive is kinda like the world is ending, that you have nothing left but to die.
All the emotions and questions that go through your head are normal responses to your diagnosis.

When i heard i was hiv positive in 2011 i felt like i was very alone on this planet even though my personal physician was present in the room.
Then the crying and the panic set in and that took me quite some time to get over and make it work for me.
The one thing i can say is don't let hiv take over your life, be in control of it.
Also telling your partner was very courageous of you to do and even though your partner was shocked in the beginning it sounds like that will work out fine.
Just a tip, take your time with telling other people that are close to you.....take time to heal yourself first.

Also when going to your appointment next month take the time to ask questions and make sure you are involved with the choices being made. That gives you the feeling of control. Another tip from me would be to try and take someone with you, two people hear more than one especially when you are still dealing with the news of hiv diagnosis.

When you have questions that can't wait please feel free to message us here on the forum, there will always be someone who has an answer to give.
Good luck and i do wish you Happy Holidays, the first of many more to follow ;)


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